Wanderlust

I have been thinking about the nature of corruption a lot lately.  When I was in high school one of the most popular teachers gave a lesson I will never forget.  He had a student stand up on a chair while he knelt on the floor.  He instructed the student to pull him up, which of course the student couldn't do.  The teacher, on the other hand, tugged lightly, and the student fell off the chair.  They switched places to the same results.  Then he said, "It's always easier to pull someone down than to pull them up.  Be careful who your friends are."  That lesson has been on my mind while I consider something hard.

I have some friendships that are definitely corrupting more than saving.  With this wanderlust that has settled on my soul I have started to wonder why nothing is changing.  A possible reason...Gen 12:1.  God told Abram to leave his land and family but he brought his Dad.  It wasn't until his father died that God allowed Abram to get where God had wanted him to be in the first place.  Now I'm not saying that I need to leave my family to get my move on but maybe I need to leave behind some of the comfortable relationships that I've been afraid to sever, or at least limit.  No matter what the reason, I need something to change or this wanderlust is going to chew me up.  I need to check for enemy strongholds in my life and get rid of them and part of that, at least in my mind, is getting out of this rut.  Change up the schedule, re-prioritize.  I don't want to hurt my friends, which is part of why I have waited for so long to do what I have known for a while needed to be done.

All this in my brain has been making me think about how society has changed.  Cussing, intimate relations, nudity, drugs...all has become acceptable and prevalent in entertainment.  I had begun to feel that I was being judged as ridiculous for finding this fact abhorrent, for finding those things unacceptable.  I know the world is going to decline until the end.  I know things are going to get worse.  For the first time I'm having to actually think about how to be in the world but not of it.  How do you engage with a culture obsessed with media that is drowning in sex, drugs and vulgarity without being stained and tainted by it.  Do I have a right to expect that those things shouldn't be in my presence?  This is part of the reason why I'm choosing to remove myself from certain groups of people in my life, at least for a time.  It sounds judgy.  I've begun to realize the thin line between knowing something is wrong and looking down your nose at someone.  One feels very like the other to the person at the receiving end I'm afraid.  It doesn't change the fact that if I can't expect people to modulate their behavior around me then I need to find somewhere else to be.

There are bigger problems in the world to be sure.  Figuring out where to stand, how to make a difference, how to be firm in a rising sea... If I'm going to live like the Lord is coming back soon, then I need to start preparing.  Figuring out how to love, how to give, how to know my God so well that nothing can shake my faith.

It hurts less

Today I was grabbing my donation box before I headed to the ministry and just felt that urge once again to get rid of all the junk.  To declutter and down size.  I was late so I fought off the urge to do it right then but as I stood in the closet, wondering if there were any quick decisions to add to the donation pile,  my eye landed on the baby stuff.  My hand lifted of its own accord to stroke the soft baby blanket and pull out one of the adorable outfits.  The question played again in my head...should I get rid of it now?  I mentally probed at my heart and noted, it hurt less.  The reasons why people keep things is complicated and full of questions like: What if I need it someday?  Will the gifter notice I'm getting rid of it?  Does it have ancestral value?

So when I get home, I'm going to pack up the beautiful, soft things I might have put a child in...my child in.  I might shed a few tears but they will only be the memories of a hurt.  I'm grateful and blessed that God has orchestrated my life in just this way, hurt and all.  I used to wonder when I was little why God was trying to toughen me up so much.  What hurt was he preparing me to endure if that was part of the journey.  I understand now that tests and trials are about pruning and refining.

So I was reading

My husband and I have instituted a no TV day into our schedule.  It's really allowed me to get through a backlog of books that I've been meaning to read for a while.  I've been getting through them faster than I thought.  I haven't read paper books in a really long time because you can't do anything else at the same time.  I've been able to read through an entire book on the evenings without TV which has been pretty awesome.


I've also just gotten through my first full year of reading the Bible every day and started a new yearly plan to keep the habit going.  The plan was made by the New Living Translation which is a translation I don't usually read.  So I'm reading Proverbs 17:8 which reads: A bribe is like a lucky charm; whoever gives one will prosper!

Wha?  That doesn't seem right...  So I switched translations to NIV

A bribe is seen as a charm by the one who gives it;

      they think success will come at every turn.
That seems to be a completely different message in my mind.  It made me really ponder the importance of knowing the Word of God.

I also got a spectacular new bath thing.

This was the Mermaid Lagoon Bath bomb.  It was lovely!  It was shaped like a mermaid and when I put it in it turned the water the most beautiful shade and smelled amazing!

It's been a while

This tends to happen with me.  I like the idea of blogging but I very rarely have that much time to spend on something that feels like a guilty pleasure.  I've got things to do.  In fact I'm a little surprised at myself for sitting down to do this but I've been contemplative today and so here I am.

So here's the what's been going on...

• The Game store where I volunteer moved at the beginning of the year 
  
• We went on Vacation to Disney World.  I painted my magic band. 
  
• Helped plan and man a Convention 
  
• And have been on a geocaching streak trying to get at least one cache a day.

I'm just now getting to the point where I'm catching up on marketing for Crossfire and Petrie's for the year and I've agreed to write another murder mystery.  Or at least write in part.  This time I've got a team and that's exciting!  I thought I was going to be doing a straight story line but apparently my brain doesn't work like that.  I have to think of a unique way to do it.  Maybe because it's human to innovate or maybe because I've participated in at least one murder mystery a year if not more and I want to have a unique experience.  

I've also been thinking for a long time that I want to move.  We live in a two story, four bedroom house and without kids it's silly to stay here.  It's not bad, it's just not ideal.  We paid it off at the end of last year and I keep thinking that means its a perfect time to sell and get a house that will suit us better.  Friends have told us that it's a sellers market right now but by the end of the year that's going to turn on its head.  All of this is tempered by the fact that my husband will always be a status quo kind of guy.  If somethings fine, it's fine so why change.  He's not wrong.  But in the back of my mind I keep hearing a voice, behind the much louder voice saying this house doesn't work for us, saying is this a place John could live by himself when I die.  My inclination will always be to make a snap decision and rush to get the tasks done.  That's why my husband is my perfect mate because he is a considerate, long thinker.  It requires me to be patient as I wait for him to ponder, which has kept me from making the wrong decision so often in our marriage.  It also means I know for sure when something on my mind is important to me and when it's just a passing whim.  Could I live in this house indefinitely, yes.  Do I want to?  No.  So I'm going to pray about it.