Blind and Wandering

I have been feeling like I'm stumbling around blind in a dark room lately.  I'm grasping at information and concepts I'm unfamiliar with as I pursue this amazing adventure with God and I feel like the blind men who stumble on an elephant and come to conclusions based on which part of the elephant they're feeling.   Practicing any skill requires intention and effort, so as I follow His will and step out in faith, I have been exploring a very important question. 

Are you pursuing success/return or are you seeking to be a good steward of what God has given you?  

Anything we put effort and attention into has the potential of becoming an idol.  It's an important question to ask yourself periodically.  Pursuit of something new comes with a lot of blind wandering as you research, learn, explore, fumble and network.  Putting that kind of effort in will require time and attention as well as patience and endurance.  So in this state of trying to balance

Matthew 25:14-30 (ESV)

27 Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. 

with 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)

5 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

    and do not lean on your own understanding.

6 

In all your ways acknowledge him,

    and he will make straight your paths.

I came across a writing prompt a couple of weeks ago titled "I feel a deluge when".  Yeah, I've been feeling a deluge.  A deluge of doubt, questions, lists, worry and fear. 

Questions like:

Am I doing "this" right?  

Am I doing too much?  

Am I not doing enough? 

This is what I wrote:

I feel a deluge when... I consider all that is wrong and hard in this world. When I consider how little my light is, how tiny in the sea of stars, I am overwhelmed by the completeness of the darkness that seems to surround me. I know intellectually that God's light pierces the darkness and will one day make it flee, but I also know my purpose on this earth is to shine so that others may see. God shines through us so the world won't be blinded by the brilliance of His glory. While I stumble around in a dark world hoping someone sees this little light of mine, I have no way of knowing if I'm in the right place. God does. He's guided me right to this moment. He holds my

moments, and this little light of mine, right where and when He wants me. I feel overwhelmed at times because I want to strive to be my best, to be of the best use to my God. In the cascade of drowning thoughts and fears, when the monsoon of doubt hits, I have to remind myself that God doesn't reveal everything to us. I have to heighten my senses to Him. To trust, like the blind, in my guide.

Can you see the influence of last weeks post?  Me too.  I can also see that big question that has been on my mind this week.  Am I striving for myself or God?  I wanted to share this raw prompt with you because while I see those doubts and questions in this paragraph, I see something else too.  

Inspiration

There is a reason God uses the analogy of light and dark to describe our walk through this world.  God showed up in the form of light in the darkness from the first covenant with Abram.  

Genesis 15:17 English Standard Version (ESV)

17 When the sun had gone down and it was dark, behold, a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch passed between these pieces.

This world feels very dark, but there's a reason for that.  

1 Thessalonians 5:5 English Standard Version (ESV)

5 For you are all children[a] of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness.

Have you ever turned off your light at night and then tried to get through the room?  Of course you have.  Even though you know that space, how often do you bump and stumble into things....yeah, me too.  The same thing applies to our spiritual life.  If we are from a kingdom of light and find ourselves in a dark space, our eyes aren't adjusted to this darkness.  

John 1:5 English Standard Version (ESV)

5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

There are quite a few warnings not to let your light become darkness in

scripture.  I'm starting to get a better picture of why that is.  Just like our eyes adjust to the dark, so do our spiritual eyes.  While that may seem like a normal thing which allows us to navigate in our surroundings that is also precisely why it is very, very bad.  That is exactly why we are supposed to be looking at the source of our light.  To keep our eyes firmly adjusted towards the holy and not the darkness.  While that means we are setting ourselves up to stumble around blindly in the dark it also means we are reminding ourselves to be guided by a God who is sure footed.  My goal this week, and I hope yours will be too, is to settle into blindness.  To let go of trying to see where I'm going in this world.  To let my other senses be heightened and searching for God's presence.  To be more attuned to His voice, His whisper, His breath.  To be more sensitive to His guiding touch on my arm.  To be focused on tasting and seeing that God is good.  

I bet you're wondering how I'm going to pull smell in but I'll leave that one up to your imagination 👃 😄  

What are some ways that you focus your mind on sensing God's presence in your day?  

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