God Holds my Purpose

For the last few months, as God has asked me to rest and as He's given me hints that He's preparing me for something, I've been thinking about my purpose.  I've been thinking about it because the enemy and my own rebellious flesh have been whispering doubts to me.  Who are you?  What could you possibly offer? What are you even for?  You have no purpose!  

Doubts are poisonous little things.  They worm their way into your thinking and deep into your heart and from there your actions and words flow.  

You act under the assumption that your doubt is based in truth.

I don't know about you but for me my doubts, upon examination, tend to be broad.  They're broad because being specific wouldn't allow my mind to blanket attach "proof".  See, you failed that one time, so you're a failure.  See, you haven't done anything meaningful with your life.

Big questions like "Who are you?" and "What is your Purpose in life?" are the wrong kind of question.  They can be answered but only with the broad type of  answer that the questions demands.  Who am I?  A daughter of the King.  Who am I? Loved by a God who calls me by name.  What is my purpose? To go and make disciples.  What is my purpose? To glorify God.

If I'm being honest, I find those kinds of answers wholly unsatisfying when I'm in the grip of doubt.  They feel like Sunday School answers.  Empty and flat.  Something learned by rote.  They are absolutely true and I know they are, but it feels so inadequate and small.  So, how do you combat that feeling?  How do you find God, real and present, in your journey when doubts are being spit at you like jungle darts from the shadows?

You investigate of course!  At least that's what I've been doing.  I ask God a lot of questions.  It's just in my nature to want to understand and I have been delighted to discover that asking God questions does not mean I question His holiness or sovereignty.  I have been even more delighted to discover that He hears me and answers!  

Doubt settles easily on our shoulders and causes them to droop and hunch in defeat.  It feels so much easier to give up than to fight and fight is exactly what you have to do!  Fight out of the bog and mire.  Fight to push aside the lies and accept the truth.  To believe despite our doubt.

As I was reading Scripture this past week I discovered two amazing verses that I had never noticed or thought of in light of doubt and purpose.  

Matthew 28:17 New International Version (NIV)

17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.

Did you catch that?  The disciples are gazing at the transformed and resurrected face of Jesus the Christ, their Messiah, and still some of them doubted.  He was caught up to heaven before their very eyes and they stood staring at the clouds until angels came and asked them what they were looking at.  God doesn't condemn us for our doubt.  He knows we will have them.  He does encourage us to choose instead to believe.  

Here's the best part!  Doubt doesn't change the outcome because it's not us who is attaining our purpose or earning our value.  Who I am does not change.  I am a servant of God.  In that knowledge, doubt has less power over me.  If I can't "do it wrong" or "mess it up" (no matter what "it" is) then I don't have to doubt myself.  It now becomes a question of if I believe God will do it.  I can tell you I trust God WAY more than I trust myself.  The scripture is full of reminders that God NEVER fails to accomplish what He says He will do.  

So how does that help me in my search for purpose?  Oh my friends, the lover of our souls is very good!  After God delighted me with the reminder that even those who walked with Him sometimes had doubts, He brought me to a passage in a translation I don't normally read. 

Psalm 57:2 English Standard Version (ESV)

2  I cry out to God Most High,

    to God who fulfills his purpose for me. 

I can tell you this verse hit me like a hallelujah chorus!  God fulfills His purpose for me!  The NIV uses the world "vindicates" in the place of "fulfills his purpose".  Strong's Concordance  tells me that the word means completes or come to an end upon.  It is a beautiful assurance that It is not me but God who accomplishes, who completes, who fulfills.  In light of the doubt that has hung upon my shoulders I see that word "vindicates" as a direct smack in the face of my doubt.  "Oh, you think JD doesn't have anything of value to say? *SMACK* Well I do!"  "You think JD doesn't have any real purpose? *Smack* Well I do!"  It's not that God believes that I can do it, no.  He knows He can do it!  

It feels like freedom, shrugging off the weight of doubt.  

Not only do I have a purpose, God will make sure that it is accomplished.  Do you need some freedom from your doubt?  Know that whatever is being whispered by your doubt can be fought with examination and truth.  Figure out the root of the lie and replace it with truth.  It takes practice, and it certainly isn't a cure all for the rest of your life, but knowing what is happening and how to combat it can mean the difference between winning the battle and being defeated before you even begin.  


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