Failing Forward

I think I've failed.  It's the first day of the second month and I'm pretty sure I failed.  I expect to do that a lot this year.  Last year felt like such a success.  I learned, I prepared, I rested and I completed.  When I was praying about my resolutions for 2019 I was nervously excited for the direction God was leading.  As I was asking God what He wanted me to work on, and set as my intention, He brought those three awful words: 

Fail with Grace 

UGHHHHHH!  I do not fail gracefully.  I have a little tiny hiccup and then I give up in a huff and get depressed.  At least that's been my pattern for a very long time.  I tend to bury my head like an ostrich in the sand of my own negative self talk.  

The lessons God has planned for us are intentional, well timed and for our good.  I have been working on breaking the habit of capitulating at the first hint of difficulty for a long time.  So I know, this year is a test.  A chance for me to see my progress, practice the lessons God has taught me and develop healthier reactions.  It requires that I am keeping my head up and my thoughts aware of how I am dealing with the challenges of learning, making mistakes and stumbling over obstacles.  

Failing with grace is the act of failing forward.  It's the intention of failing without castigating myself.  The power to chose hope over despair.  

Failure has the special challenge of misdirection.  Failure is used by the enemy to shine a spotlight on our shortcomings and mistakes.  Our enemy loves to point out our failures in every aspect of our lives.  If it doesn't cause us to stop in our tracks immediately, then it certainly gets us focused on the wrong thing and walking in the wrong direction.  A failed connection with a potential friend can send you into a tailspin trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why no one likes you.  It may lead you to the conclusion that putting work into a friendship isn't worth it.  It may cause you to strike out in anger.  What those trains of thought forget is that God uses failure to shine a spotlight on what God is doing.

God is ALWAYS going to glorify His name and is working for our good, which is just a fancy way of saying God is always teaching us.  Always.

Failure often makes us feel inadequate but that feeling often leads to the false conclusion that we can't do it at all.  Whatever that "it" is for you, trying looking at your failure through God's spotlight.  Is it calling you to endure?  Teaching you how to do better?  Showing you a different way?  Calling you to a new task?  Convicting you of sin?  Reminding you to show grace, to yourself and others?  Giving you the opportunity to be a witness?

So, my goal this year is to see my failure from God's perspective and not the enemies.  Not to see my failures as the end of the road, but just another step in the learning process.  How about you?  How do you view failure?  I'd love to hear from you!

Resolution Revolution

It's time for a resolution revolution.  It's time to take this question seriously once again.  So here we are, standing on the raggedy edge of 2018...are you ready for change?

Now that we've learned from our successes and our failures, how do we resolve to make resolutions differently?  (If you haven't read the previous two blog posts, I highly recommend starting there) I was talking to my spouse about resolutions and asked if he had made any.  His skepticism brought a pseudo sneer to his face as he admitted he hadn't because he didn't see the point.  A lot of people have relegated resolutions to the 'pointless' category.  It seems I'm not the only one to be frustrated by failure in this area.  I have talked the previous two weeks about why resolutions are valuable, so let's proceed on the assumption that they are.  How do we do things differently in 2019?  How do we set ourselves up for success? 

Forethought

I think it bears repeating that the place to start is by thinking about it in advance and resolving to check in with yourself periodically to see if you need to alter course.  Don't be flippant with your resolution. Preparation not only helps develop habits it also starts the momentum in a forward direction toward your goal.  It's about settling your mind on a new course before you settle your body into new habits.  Part of thinking about your resolution in advance is giving yourself the opportunity to manage your expectations.  I'm not talking about settling for less than, I'm talking about identifying what your expectations are and working out for yourself if your expectations are reasonable or desirable.  Forethought also gives you the ability to prepare yourself for change.  Settle your mind on the fact that this is a learning experience, not a prize you are trying to attain. 

Resolution is defined as a firm decision to do or not do something; or the action of solving a problem, dispute or contentious matter

Endurance

Resolutions are about endurance.  A large part of why resolutions are valuable is because the by product of attempting a resolution is going to be endurance.  If you are training for a marathon you may only get a quarter of a mile today (or the end of the driveway) but tomorrow, next week, next month, you will get farther.  Even if you have never completed a year long resolution doesn't mean you shouldn't attempt one at all.  Practice doesn't make perfect but it does make endurance.  Couldn't we all use a little more sticktoitiveness?  Yes!  I can't tell you how often I missed out because I gave up too early.  I can bet you have too.  If your resolutions have been a bust in the past, consider looking back and evaluating if you learned anything from the experience.  Test and see if maybe you are just a little bit better at enduring this time around as a result.  A huge part of resolve is mental.  You can go further than you think, do more than you know, because God has created something amazing.  Your mind is a stubborn, strong willed thing.  Why not use that strength for something good?  Good gifts like this from our heavenly Father can be used and abused by our flesh and the enemy but that doesn't me we shouldn't use them for fear of their misuse. 

Balance

Resolutions are never meant to consume you.  Resolutions are supposed to encourage you to reach outside of your normal sphere.  To stretch, to put forth effort.  It is not meant to encourage you to jump off a cliff.  Let's be smart about this.  If you want to make a resolution for the new year then keep balance in mind as you set your goal.  How much time do you have to commit on a daily, weekly or monthly basis?  Is your resolution about achieving a prize or about developing a habit?  Is your resolution about bragging rights or intentionality?  Is your resolution going to improve you or your situation?  Is it valuable, reasonable or beneficial?  Is it inward or outward focused?  Finally, ask yourself how you are going to monitor yourself.  Are you going to ask someone to be your mentor and accountability partner so you can meet and discuss where you're at once a month?  Are you going to keep a journal?  What questions are you going to ask when considering your resolution? 

Resolve to think about your resolution differently

Lets do something different.  Let's use our resolution, our endurance, to see life differently, to push us out of our comfort zones and be an encouragement and not a condemnation.  This is not a pass or fail test, this is a journey.  You are committing to walking towards a goal.  There is no first place and loser position.  This is about opening ourselves to a different perspective.  It's about agreeing with God that we need to grow and change.  It's about acknowledge that we aren't done learning even if we're done with school.  Stop thinking of resolutions like a test and start thinking about them as a lesson.   

🕜🕝🕞🕟🕠🕢🕣🕤🕥🕦🕧💥

It's about time we did things differently, don't you think?  How is it that resolutions have become a joke we only think about once a year?  I hope this series has made you think about next years resolution but I'm also secretly hoping that it has inspired you to a little rebellion.  To rebel against the prevailing apathy towards resolve.  To fight against the powers that would take our endurance and make it a laughing matter.  It's time to storm these heights again and take back our dignity!  Will you join me?  Viva la resolution!

Resolutions Redux

We are on the final downhill slope towards the end of the year.  I know it's a little early to be thinking about new years resolutions but it is just about the right time to think about this years resolutions.  We often joke about failing in our resolutions within the first month of making them.  Come January there will be many posts poking fun at the phenomena and giving helpful advice on how to make resolutions.  It seems silly to start thinking about resolutions after the fact doesn't it.  It's almost like we have gotten in the habit of thinking of them as a failure before we even begin.  I'm going to start talking about it now because I want to set myself, and hopefully you, up for success.  In the last three Friday's of 2018 I am going to do some self assessment with the hope that you will join me.  This isn't meant to shine a spotlight on failures.  It's meant to shine a light of truth.  So let's take a look back at what worked, what didn't and how to do better.

Maintaining a resolution has two major factors, in my opinion, that lead to successful ending your year with endurance.  And that's what resolutions take, endurance.

1. Setting reasonable goals
2. checking in and assessing how your doing periodically throughout the year

Setting reasonable goals starts with giving yourself enough prep time.  Thinking about what to resolve yourself too on Dec 31 isn't going to help you in the long term.  It takes time to think about what your life and what changes need, should or can be made.  Some resolutions take preparation and advanced warning.  Sometimes resolutions require accountability, medical intervention, meal planning or research.  Give yourself some time over the next few weeks to think about what you are going to resolve and all that that will entail.  Setting reasonable goals also means searching yourself for what you really want to change.  Being invested in the change, and therefor able to endure to the end, requires that it's real, not just a thing that sounds good because everyone's doing it. 

The second major factor in a successful resolution is the practice of assessment.  Not for the purpose of reminding yourself that you've failed, but so that you can see where you're at.  Assessments are designed for resetting, evaluation and restart.  Needing to readjust doesn't mean you've failed, it means you're responsibly managing your course.  Checking in periodically is holding yourself accountable, keeping your resolution in the forefront of your mind and part of the learning experience.

Since my goal this year was to write a blog every week, I'd say I'm doing pretty well.  I've only got a few weeks left to complete this resolution and I am well on track.  They haven't all been the best thing I've ever written, but they have been written.  I'd be on a much different path if I did everything perfectly.  I'm not saying I didn't want to strive for excellence but my priority was balance. I set a reasonable goal, managed expectations and didn't swing to any extremes to accomplish it.  I know that's a lot of productivity buzz words.  The result was a year of growth and learning.

Ultimately, you must ask yourself what the goal of a resolution is.  Resolutions are about enacting change.  For some, it's a response to lack.  Lack of happiness, direction or fulfillment.  For some, it's a response to excess.  For me, it's a call to growth.  To step outside of my comfort zone and embark on an adventure.  To break out of the ruts, routines and mundanities of life.  To seek the wonder and awe that God has surrounded us with.  A call to see life anew. 
 
While I was thinking about the near completion of my resolution, and how I sometimes get mired down in the familiar and mundane, it reminded me of Uncle Traveling Matt.  Do you remember him?  He was my favorite part of Fraggle Rock (yes, I'm old).  Traveling Matt was exploring "outer space" which was really him being baffled by the human world.  It is a delightful observation on how odd life can look from a different perspective.  

So as you think about what your new years resolution might be, I would encourage you to be sure it stretches you to look at your mundane and be amazed, to put the "awe" back into awesome and to redefine your normal.  It's not merely about changing your life.  It's about renewal and balance. 

I'm still thinking about what next years resolution will be.  Join me over the remaining weeks of 2018 as I explore that question.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject and if you would like to share your resolution, I'll be praying with you as we head into 2019.

The Fast is Over

For those of you that have been following along (Hi mom) I cut out technology six days a week and added in a noise fast for just over 40 days.  Why I decided to do this over NaNoWriMo I don't know.  I blame the fact that I didn't start it in November, it just lasted through November, so I forgot about national novel writing month until about a week before.  I've talked about why I entered into this fast but I thought I would share some of what I learned.

Fasting has been on the Christian radar for a while but the diet community has latched on to the idea as well, siting the benefits of intermittent fasting to give the body a break and reset your metabolism and supposedly give you more energy.

The principle has been a part of God's plan from the beginning.  During creation, God established a sabbath, when we would submit ourselves under God's sovereignty and rest.  Our minds and our bodies need these periods of rest. 

In a year where God has called me to rest, I was not terribly please to find God was asking me to give up more.  Resting is the worst, right!  I am so grateful my Patient Teacher hasn't given up.  We live in a world of indulgence.  Our culture is cluttered, over stimulated and impatient.  We don't even recognize how starved for silence we are.  Now that the fast is over I find myself longing for the simplicity of quiet time spent with my Savior.  Having the ability to distract myself doesn't mean that I should.  Having a long to do list doesn't mean I have to get them all done today.  Fasting reminds us that the priorities we have established aren't necessarily the right ones.  Taking a step back is a great way to reset. 

Reset your body, reset your mind.  What do you need a fast from?

Desire of my heart

At the beginning of this year I started on a journey of rest.  I'm not sure what I expected but I don't think that I could have expected that in the silence God would show me the true desires of my heart.  Nor could I have expected that the first one would be adventure.  In the midst of rest, to discover that my longing for adventure was given by God, has been a delight.  God wasn't done, as he never is in teaching us. and He recently revealed to me that the second big desire of my heart is to have purpose.  Why am I telling you this?  For most of my youth I was confused about what God meant by Psalm 34:7.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Okay, when I say youth...I mean my middle age too.  I longed for adventure and purpose and might have pegged those as desires but I would have classified them as selfish or worldly.  It wouldn't have occurred to me that they were given to me by God and that He was how they would be met and fulfilled.  I focused on the first part of the verse and figured if I delighted myself in the Lord I would never lack.  While that has been true, I'm seeing it in a different light today.  I feel like God has given me new desires to fill my heart.  Not new in the sense that I've never felt their pull before but new like a clean pair of clothes.  I have been trying to fill those big two desires in my life  without God.  It has soiled and worn down those desires as I sought to fill those longings in ways other than God.  I feel like God has unwrapped my favorite childhood toy that I had ruined and now it's all shiny and new.  I know it's a little early to be opening Christmas presents but ... 

He has given me desires and they are indeed fulfilled as I delight in Him.

Obligatory Gratitude Post, or is it?

This week was Thanksgiving.  Today is Black Friday.   Are you feelin it?  Man, I sure am.  After a month of spending lavish amounts of time with God and writing, my time was not my own this week and I am spent.  Sometimes, that happens.  Life gets busy.  I've had a month of practicing "Be Still" and "Don't Fret" and that is one of the many things I was grateful for this week.  I've got a long way to go.  But this week Isure was thankful for the practice. The practice of finding peace and calm amidst the most dramatic of adventures.  The practice of letting go of what I think is necessary in favor of what God says is necessary.  This week, that means my blog is going to be super short because that is the amount of time I had to spend.  I will save my eloquence, real or imagined, for those who have seen me at my most dramatic, who love me even when they are not impressed by my shenanigans and who laugh at and with me when I need it most. 


That's why I wanted to talk to you about Friendsgiving.  I have a group of friends that have been gathering after Thanksgiving for over a decade.  It started with the lament that our parents always did the heavy lifting on Thanksgiving and we could never be adults and practice making a Thanksgiving meal.  We decided that was a great idea and what else were we going to do with all those Thanksgiving left overs than to share them with the people we wanted to spend time with.  I suggested we make it a murder mystery dinner party and thus our decade long Friendsgiving adventures began.  Over the years we've had a traditional Charlie Brown meal (yes I mean toast and popcorn and all that other stuff) and full on Thanksgiving extravaganza's.  Some times we switch genders just for fun.  Yes, some of my guy friends make very ugly women.  The group has gotten bigger and smaller as life and circumstances change but every year we gather, dress in ridiculous costumes, suffer through truly terrible scripts and laugh until we cry.

In all of our changing circumstances, shapes and situations, we gather.  We gather with our family and we gather with our friends.  We acknowledge that our lives wouldn't be the same with out them.  We shun the world and it's stress fueled impatience in favor of a good meal with those we love.  We don't rush it.  We value it and savor it.  We celebrate having found those just weird enough to think our weird is awesome.

We are intentional about it every year.  We look forward to it, we brag about it, we share our joy and make room on our calendars no matter what.  I may go a little crazy creating costumes for me and my spouse, which is totally what I will be getting back to for my second all nighter in a row, but I couldn't be happier.

I hope your Thanksgiving was allergen free, devoid of flair ups, free from unwelcome drama and full of the peace of God that surpasses all understanding.  I also hope you are thinking more about who you haven't seen in a while than what stores are having sales.  I hope you'll give them a call, invite them to coffee or over for games.  If you're super cool like me and my friends, then consider inviting them over for a little mystery, a lot of laughter and plenty of hokey costumes. 

 But even if murder mystery dinner parties aren't your thing, find your own thing.  If you're into interpretive dance, do that!  If you're into shadow puppet historical reenactment, well that is just way better with a crowd, am I right!  Don't lose sight of what's important.  People over tasks!

These are my people and I love them.  I couldn't be more grateful they are in my life.








Just as a side note, these aren't all the photos, and they aren't in order by date.  It's just a smattering.  If you promise to invite some folks over, I'll share this years photo next week ;)

I SWEAR

This technology fast has been awesome and so very hard.  I have been learning a lot, wrestling a lot (metaphorically, not literally) and practicing stillness.  God keeps reaffirming that this is the path He wants me on right now even though He has brought multiple people to ask me to explain myself.  I have been asking Him specially when this fast will be over.  I didn't feel like He gave me a deadline at the beginning.  Have you ever done that?  Felt like God called you to do something and then agonized about how long you were going to have to maintain the commitment?  Because I've been asking God "how long, O Lord", He has answered with some very specific calls to keep my oath.  I swore.  I didn't stand under the firmament with my hands raised and declare in a loud voice "I swear before the Lord that I shall not touch technology except on Friday's and my phone because it is my landline but I further declare I shall not use it for any other purposes than to accept and receive messages."  I did make a commitment though.  I agreed with the Lord that I would do what He asked.

It's been even harder this week.  It's the beginning of November which means it's time for NANOWRIMO!!!!  If you don't know what NANOWRIMO is, it's a challenge to write 50,000 words in the month of November.  The goal being to work on a singular piece without going back to edit with the purpose of practicing the habit of writing on a story every day.  I can see you see the problem here.  How will it be possible for you to participate without technology.  For all you young'uns out there, I am using paper.  I am writing my 1700 words a day in a notebook and my plan is to transcribe them on Fridays.  It will take some of my computer time, writing in that much on one day a week, but I will be completing the challenge and staying true to my oath before the Lord.  

Needless to say, with the 'asking for an end of the technology fast', and the start of a challenge I have participated in since 2008, I was approaching the deadline of Nov 1st with a bit of sorrow.  I wasn't sure if I could participate.  That's why God has been answering my question by bringing me to instances of oaths in His Word.  So I thought I would share what God has been teaching me about why oaths are important.  In today's day and age we look at commitment differently.  People don't formally swear an oath to each other like they did in Biblical times.  We've lost sight of the gravitas of promising.  But God hasn't and doesn't forget.  He had very clear guild lines set up for those who swear before the Lord, those who break their oaths and the consequences, and even what it means under the new covenant of Jesus.  God thinks oaths are important even if it becomes inconvenient for us later.  

The Bible Study I'm in has us studying Joshua.   We got to chapter 9 as I was pondering this question of oaths and it was clear that God holds oaths as very important.  The Gibeonites lie to make a treaty with Israel and the leaders swear an oath that they won't kill them.  When the Jews figure out they have been lied too, they go and confront them but they don't kill them because they swore an oath.  How important to God was that promise?  Well, important enough that when Saul kills some Gibeonites, somewhere around 350 years later, God is mad.

There are rules in the law of the Septuagint, too many to put them all here, that outline everything from being a witness to an oath to inadvertently making an oath.

Lev 5:4
Or if a person swears, speaking thoughtlessly with his lips to do evil or to do good, whatever it is that a man may pronounce by an oath, and he is unaware of it - when he realizes it, then he shall be guilty in any of these matters.  

Numbers 30:2  
If a man make a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.

Why is this important, you ask?  Well, there is a lot that has changed between the old and new testament and a lot that has changed between the new testament and today.  Because that is true, we sometimes forget the real truth that God doesn't change.  EVER!  While Jesus fulfilled the law and paid the penalty for failing the law, He doesn't abolish the law.  What does Jesus say about oaths?

Mat 5:33-37
Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'you shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.' But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.  Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black.  But let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no,' no.'  For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

I feel like Jesus knew and knows what little stock we put into a promise.  Whether through intent, ignorance or common saying, we agree to do things to avoid the conflict of saying 'no', all the time.  Our High Priest knows us well and His best advise on how to deal with oaths....don't do it.  Don't swear at all.  If you can't grasp the importance of the oath or the significance of what you are swearing on, then don't bother.  God swears oaths, makes covenants, and carries them out.  His word is always sure.  I think that is definitely something I need to work on.

What Happens When I Rest

• A lot of inner monologue...A lot of inner monologue happens.
• God reminding me of important truths that He's already told me but I forgot or didn't do.
• Scripture memorization
• Bible Study
• and apparently, cleaning and organizing

When I'm busy, my house is the first thing that suffers.  

• mail piles up
• laundry piles up
• dishes pile up
• clutter consumes

Right now, I am a sweep away from being "company ready".  I've organized the office, linen closet and bedroom and will shortly hit the costume closet and craft room.  I'm excited to get home and vacuum!  My mother may be the only one to gasp at this statement so for the rest of you...I don't like cleaning, I like helping other people clean but cleaning my own house...ugh.

I know a huge chunk of that is because I left it til last, to when I was utterly spent but had no choice because there was nothing clean left or the clutter had made me so uptight and feeling trapped that I wanted to leave it all behind and live in a yurt somewhere far away.  

I wonder if I'm loving the cleaning because its something to do or if its because, as I move closer to my God in this time of rest, He is bringing me closer to the Prov 31 woman.  Either way, I am confronted with the fact once again that I was doing too much before.  I worked like I had three jobs and wondered why I wasn't being blessed for my generosity.  I was tired all the time and was constantly in emergency mode.  The funny thing is, I feel just as busy right now.  3 out of 5 evenings are filled with companionable obligations.  If I try and make plans with people, I still have to carefully navigate my schedule.  

So what does that mean.  It means my focus has shifted.  My days are silent.  I'm not distracting my brain with noise and so I can dedicate my time to what I'm doing.  My time with God is wholly His.  My time cleaning is spent working on my memory verses, praying or thinking about solutions.  I don't feel rushed or harried or obligated.  I get to choose.  I feel like for the first time in recent memory I am "choosing the better part" (Lk 10:38-42) and still being the "Martha" God made me to be.  I've given up the worry in exchange for listening to my Savior.

I'm still settling into it.  Still choosing the quiet, still practicing the stillness.  I'm not good at it .  The toughest verse for me to memorize literally starts "be still and wait patiently on the Lord" Ps 37:7-8  I have to sit and seriously concentrate to remember that first sentence.  I know I'm going to have to keep practicing because I will sink all in to service once again when I'm released from this season of rest if I'm not careful.  I want to choose this.  I want this to be my baseline.  This peace.  This quiet.

I'm going to share the verses I'm memorizing with you.  Keep me accountable or use these verses to inspire you to write God's word upon your heart.  Let's guard our hearts and minds with the transcendent peace of God.

Ps 19:14

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Humble yourselves, therefore, under Gods mighty hand, that He may life you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Ps 37:7-8

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil.

Jer 6:16

This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls but you said "we will not walk in it".

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again; rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.  If anything is excellent or praise worthy - think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.

Being Real vs Being a Doer

I'm going to start this weeks blog with an apology.  When I was writing this I was on day two of a full blown migraine.  I ended up sacrificing the rest of my "computer day" to sit in a dark room.  What it taught me was this.  Oaths are important.  The temptation to run to the computer to "make up" the time I missed was strong.  Instead, I chose to keep my word before the Lord.  What I commit to Him is important and He thinks it's important.  The scripture is clear about keeping our oaths, especially the ones you make to the Lord.  We sometimes fall into the trap of putting the old testament in a category of "not applicable".  For me, it was more important to let my yes be yes on this matter.  So I'm going to post a little late today, I'm going to leave the rest of the post in its original state, and I'm not going to worry about it.  It's not professional, but it is real. 

~

One of the great things about being on "A mission from God" is that He will keep encouraging and reinforcing the message He wants to communicate.  Just like He does in the Word.  If something is important, God keeps saying it.  Have you ever noticed that when you're reading scripture?

God has really been encouraging me about rest.  Sunday, we bumped into a couple God had on my mind all week.  I shared, and she shared, and she encouraged me.  "I was at the place this summer, cutting out social media and releasing, to just be.  Being present in the moment instead of trying to figure out what I can do."

At yoga a few days later, the focus was rest.  Laying down everything and only picking up what God gives you.  Songs, scripture, fellowship...all of it has been pulsing with the message, "Yes, Rest".

So I decided to go back to the Biblical reason why I focus on "do" and figure out what it really says.

James 1:22 NIV
Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.

 So, what has God told us to do?  In this context (James):

• Watch your tongue
• persevere
• be quick to listen, slow to anger 
• purge moral filth and evil from your life
• look intently into the perfect law
• love your neighbor

The funny thing is that the only part that comes even close to what I self defined as "do" was to care for orphans and widows in distress.  I condenses an entire book of the Bible into one word that threw my life out of balance.  This is part of the reason why it's important to keep reading the Word of God.  In the larger sense, there is a lot that the Word, or Scripture, tells us that we should be doing, not just nodding our heads at.  The above list is from one small book of the Bible and James (inspired by God) repeats them.  If you haven't read James lately, I recommend reading through it.  

What is Rest

I am finally going on a real adventure.  If you've been keeping up with my blog, this will sound very strange to you.  I've traveled a lot this year.  I have had tons of new and exciting things happen.  It all started when God gave me a glimpse into what He has for my future.  This doesn't happen to me very often.  God doesn't usually give me a heads up.  I know it's because I am firmly in the "Martha" camp.  When God gives me a nudge, I go into extreme prep mode.  I am so excited to have a plan to follow that I often forget my best resource and guide.  I suspect that is why, after giving me a glimpse into what He has planned, God asked me to rest.  I've talked about it on the blog, so I won't go over it again but I have been struggling this year with the question "What is rest?"  

It's been clear that God is convicting me about my definition of rest.  I fully confess that my definition of rest is "the chance to catch up".  Vacations, weekends away, I think of them as places to hide so I can finish the backlog of tasks that have built up because I couldn't say no to people.  I fear becoming lazy, or resting wrong, more than I have feared the Lord.  Over the last couple of weeks I have been having random encounters with Godly people in my life, and in my Bible study, that have brought this problem up.  

So I'm walking away.  I'm walking away from the need to fulfill any need I come across.  I'm walking away from technology.  I'm walking away from the list of things I have moved too far up on my priority list.  I am walking away from noise.  I have fasted from noise before, you can read about that here, and I expect it is going to be terribly hard.  Giving up the things I have attached my purpose and significance to is going to be hard.  That's the reason why I'm giving up all the things I distract myself with so I haven't had to address these things.  That's the reason why I have to give up these things so I can actually hear my God.

So, I am truly going on an adventure.  A quest into the deepest, darkest wilds.  I am going to leave the beaten path, the familiar trails of my life, and stop trying to make adventure happen.  I am going to dive into aloneness with intention.  To sit in the stillness.  It's going to be full of frustration, tears and sorrow but this adventure is going to teach me how to exchange those things for joy, contentment and the ability to recognize treasures of greater worth.  

Has the Lord been convicting you of something lately?  Is He asking you to do something you don't want to do?  I get it.  Let's do this together.  

Self Discovery on an Adventure: The Bad Stuff

I don't think I've made it clear to everyone that I recently got the chance to go on an adventure in Great Britain.  My group had been planning for about a year and we thought we were pretty well prepared (You can check out the previous installments here first and here second to see how that went). Travel is great because it's full of new experiences, sights and adventures.  It can also be full of exhaustion, confusion and short tempers.  In my pursuit of an adventure to find God in my everyday I discovered some things about myself in the testing ground that the trip became that I was pretty ashamed of.  So what do you do when you discover unpleasant things about yourself when you're supposed to be having an adventure?

My hubby and I went to Great Britain back in our second year of marriage with a friend.  It was an amazing opportunity and I really enjoyed myself.  We had a great time.  Here's the thing, our travel companion thought I had the worst time ever.  Why?  I was overweight and generally unhappy.  It was my normal at the time.  I was getting used to having a chronic illness and getting used to being a wife. 

Complaint was a normal part of my language.  I have since been called out for complaining which made me aware of what I thought was "sharing" and was really the symptom of a heart problem.  That first time to Great Britain was full of great memories but it was a great lesson afterward as I got feedback from my friend.  It made me aware of the attitudes I wear.  

This latest adventure to Great Britain was like a mirror of the first time.  I watched as my travel companion struggled and a completely unexpected thing happened.  I was impatient.  I am appalled to admit it.  Even now I feel ashamed of myself.  My previous esperience should have prompted me to greater understanding and compassion.  Instead, I kept trying to make things better with more planning, adjustments to the schedule, and trying to interact less with my companions.  The truth is, how I do things isn't how my companions did things.  While this led to further frustration, it didn't have too.  Once misunderstanding took root, every word seemed to have the potential to be hurtful.  I tried to fix it by talking less which ended up coming across as passive aggressive and sulky.  I hate those words.  They are ugly words and I hate imagining myself wearing them.

People wear all kinds of weird stuff when they go on vacation.  Stuff they would never wear at home.  Plaid beanies, Hawaiian shirts, lederhosen.  It seems we also wear our dirty laundry.  The secret things we say in the privacy of our minds that we dismiss at home because we can easily brush them aside.  In our safe places, in our familiar, we indulge in them like pieces of chocolate because we can be alone.  We don't have to constantly be on our best behavior.  On a trip, or outside our comfort zones, or during times of exhaustion and pain, there is no where to hide.  Those things we think in the privacy of our mind become an internal snide commentary that makes its way onto our face and out of our mouths.  

During the course of any adventure it is always wise to be aware of tensions and to ask yourself: 

1. Is my behavior adding to or subtracting from the experience we are having?
2. What lingering dark place in your heart came out of your mouth in a moment of weakness?
3. What am I going to do about it?

For Biblical and practical reasons the first thing you need to do about it is confess it to God and then go and apologize to your companions.  Getting it resolved gives everyone the best chance to reset and get on with having a great time.  Once that is done, I find it very useful to write it down and talk to God about it in detail.  While the immediate weakness of exhaustion and stress will go away, the underlying issue that it exposed is something you want to bring to the Light.

   

Discovering unpleasant things about yourself on an adventure gives you the gift of insight.  The opportunity to bring those things before the Lord, confess them, and ask Him to weed them out of your thought closet (to borrow a turn of phrase from Jennifer Rothschild).  It's hard, and it's ugly, but I can't think of a better memento to bring back from any vacation.

I hope my travel companions will look back on this adventure and forget the tensions, spats, pain and frustrations.  I hope they will remember the adventure for the exciting and new experience it was.  Either way, I know I'm praising God for using the adventure to teach me more about Him and who He wants me to be.    

JD's Guide to Surviving Travel Companions

Sometimes surviving the adventure can be hard.  Last week, we talked about surviving disappointment in The Adventure Continues.  This week we're going to talk about surviving travel companions, conflicting personalities and exhaustion fueled tension on an adventure.

Whether you're traveling with a spouse, children, siblings, parents, in-laws or friends, when more than one person is thrown into the pot of stress that is travel, you are going to have challenges.  There is a tricky balance that can be achieved so that everyone is having a great adventure.

The first trick to surviving companions is Awareness.  

I don't mean the laser focus on the other persons annoying personality, selfish thoughtlessness or their trouble making antics.  I mean self awareness.  Often, we over react to other people because we aren't aware of what is happening inside ourselves. Something riles us and we start escalating.  After my last big adventure my spouse and I were talking about some reactions we had to each other that didn't speak love (that's our nice way of saying we were not nice to each other, me more than him).  Through the course of the conversation we were each able to explain to the other why we had gotten upset.  I explained that I think of him as smart, way smarter than me, and it didn't make sense to me when what was obvious to me wasn't obvious, or even noticeable, to him.  Additionally when he doubted me in the areas where things were obvious to me, it was like he was confirming that I was dumb.  To him, being smart was his identity in a family full of macho guys and creative gals.  Being able to contribute and help with technology reinforced that feeling of being a useful individual.  Each of us, being able to identify the "baggage" that was causing our reactions to each other totally reframed the situation. Now I knew that my husband wasn't doubting my usefulness or intelligence, he was trying to be helpful.   Being aware that your feelings are getting hurt because of how your interpreting the other persons action is the first step in stopping any escalation.  It's also important to be aware of the other persons needs, proclivities and wants in a practical sense.  If your travel companion is hurting physically, unlikely to tell you what they want to do or is just plain tired, they are going to react totally differently.  Knowing that a kiddo is tired and over reacting makes it much easier to be patient.  Knowing that an adult is hurting means you'll be able to make accommodations and therefore make the adventure accessible to everyone. 

That leads us to the second trick; Grace.

I bet you thought I was going to say patience didn't you.  Patience is great, and it is necessary, but grace is the next step because it carries with it compassion and empathy.  Grace is the free and unmerited favor of God.  As followers of Christ, we are meant to emulate Him.  We are also told to love others as we love ourselves.  Giving grace to your travel companion really means loving them through the tension.  It's about letting go of your "right" to be sick and tired of the shenanigans.  We often justify our annoyance and wear it like a badge of long-suffering.  Here's the thing, you can choose.  You can choose to enjoy where you are at and the person/people you are with.  You can choose to love them unconditionally.  You did choose to go on the adventure with them after all. 

The third trick is an oldie but a goodie, Compromise.

Everyone gets set in patterns of the mundane.  For families, it means you learn where those lines are and then you move on.  You suddenly throw yourself into an adventure into the unknown and it's like we forget how to compromise.  My best advice is to openly communicate before the adventure.  Make your plans together.  Know what your top priorities are and make sure, if at all possible, everyone gets to do their most desired adventure.  If you don't have time for everyone's top activity, or your travel companions are a bit mercurial, then you work towards a middle ground.  I know that sounds simple, but it can be.  Prepare for compromise, reset your expectations and make sure that everyone is on the same page.  

But what do when your travel companion won't compromise, is too young to moderate their selfish inclinations or is hurting too much (mentally or physically) to recognize their overreactions?

Here is the final trick.  This is the big one.  The key.  It comes in two parts.  Relax and Follow Where God Leads.

This bears repeating...RELAX.  It's not that big a deal.  Whatever it is, it's not that big a deal.  Ultimately, adventures can't be scheduled, planned out or regulated.  Staying calm will go a long way to keeping your companions calm.  Ultimately, we know that God is in control of our journey.  Your adventure is not going "wrong".  It's going exactly how God intended.  It's important to remember you are a living testimony and how you react to your companions will speak volumes about your faith.  Set aside your expectations of how you thought things would go and embrace the adventure God has brought you.  

Take a breath.  
Count to ten.  
Take a walk. 
Schedule some alone time.  

Know yourself well enough to respond to what you need and communicate that to your companions kindly but honestly.  Extend love and compassion to your companions.  Actively work on everyone having a good time.  Most importantly, enjoy the adventure God has you on.  That's it.  

The Adventure Continues

I mentioned last week that I was coming back from a big adventure.  In reality, it was the first planned adventure for the year.  Like most adventures, we planned as much as we could and then waited for the inevitable changes that would mock whatever preparations we had tried to make.  It might seem a little cynical but it's very Biblical to expect trouble.  See John 16:33 ;)  

So let's talk about dealing with the disappointment of changing plans.  Whether you're on vacation or at home, plans change.  As the planner of my family, this fact hits me harder than it does my spouse.  This makes practical sense because I've put time and effort into the planning.  Changes mean waste in my brain.  Wasted time, wasted effort.  It also means blame.  I am to blame for the disappointment.  For my personality type, it's the worst.  Some of you can shrug off most change while some of us have to do mental battle to recover properly.  

Over the years, my spouse and I have gotten in the habit of mentally shaking ourselves after a change (ie problem/challenge) by saying to each other, "Well, it's an adventure".  If you've been following this blog for a while then you might guess that was the beginning of Dotted Lines, and you'd be right.  In our minds, adventure is what happens when you're off book.  When you've left the scripted path and find yourself in unfamiliar territory.  Adventure always starts with a challenge.  Isn't it strange that when we seek an adventure, we think that's not going to happen.  That our thrilling adventure will be safe, scripted and ultimately predictable with social media worthy images and perfect smiles as we luxuriantly rest.  Social media has trained us to expect a cultivated adventure.  We see only the perfect moments in other peoples adventures and so we expect only the perfect moments in ours.  

It sounds ridiculous when you think about it, doesn't it.  No one really expects to have only perfect moments.  We do proceed as if we could plan them though.  Can you imagine?  To only have the moments you planned for...How awful would that be!  How utterly boring!!  Dealing with disappointing changes is begun by honestly looking at your expectations (if you haven't read Anticipation vs Expectation, you should).  

That's my families castle in the background.  I've had the privilege of visiting twice now.  It's my very favorite castle.  This is the day I had looked forward too the most on the trip.  You can see the joy on my face.  I couldn't wait to show my ancestral land to my companions!  Unfortunately, this day was full of changed plans, challenges, disappointments and a serious lack of food.  My party was utterly done with this day by the end and I was beside myself because every time I tried to fix it, it went more wrong.  

Here's the real trick to being able to deal with disappointment!  You don't let the challenges define your entire day.  Some of my best moments have come from the unexpected but only because I was able to see the adventure for what it was.  I wasn't focused on the disappointment but on the wonder of the moment.  It's all about what you focus on.  

So, are you going to focus on the disappointment, and have a disappointing day, or are you going to focus on what God is doing instead?  God's plan always works and is always perfect.  Don't misunderstand me.  God's perfect moments aren't always my perfect moments.  God is working for my good and sometimes the "perfect moment" is when my disappointments reveal character flaws that need to be exposed and dealt with.  We'll get to that in a couple weeks.

Next week we'll talk about how to cope with companions on your adventure.  Until then, in the immortal words of some singer that is not Weird Al, shake it off.  Do what works for you to recenter, choose a new direction, and enjoy the adventure you are having even if it's not the one you wanted.  


 

New Adventures

We're going to keep things short this week because I am coming back from another grand adventure.  Today, however, I'm going to share something I discovered on a mini adventure near to home.  It's just worked out this year that new adventure has accompanied my spiritual adventure.  I don't usually have this much excitement in my year but I am not going to complain.  As you may have guessed, I love adventure.  

I went on a hike up Mt. Cutler with my Holy Yoga group, Beautiful & Beloved.  I knew I wasn't supposed to be working my knees so soon but I was called to this group and this adventure.  

It was indeed a beautiful hike.  And I found myself reflecting on my time in the Sneffels Traverse.  I knew I wanted to take it easy on this hike and thankfully I was with a group of women who enjoy checking in on each others hearts and loved stopping to view the scenery.  
I found myself praising God for my health, for the ability to move and be in God's creation.  It always lifts my heart to remember to thank God for where I'm at physically, even when I'm suffering health issues.  This side of heaven I am in an imperfect vessel.  I will likely always suffer health issues until the Lord calls me home but I can sure be grateful for the health I do have.

I noticed something as I walked.  All along the trail and ground were broken and fallen pieces of the scenery.  Bits of pine and bush were littered on the ground.  

We've been having some very large hail storms.  Within site of this trail were some of the hardest hit.  Our zoo lost animals, had all the cars in their lot damaged and had 5 people brought to the hospital because of injuries from the hail.  The Broadmoor's golf course was pretty much destroyed by the divots from the hail.  There was property damage galore on the south side of town.  Flooding was a problem for many.

As I noticed the pieces of pine on the ground I noticed some were new, bright green and fragrant.  Some were old, brown and drying.  

It reminded me of a verse.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 English Standard Version (ESV)

8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 


Perhaps times of spiritual attack are part of the pruning process.  To knock off parts of us that are getting in the way of our growth.  

John 15:2 English Standard Version (ESV)

2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

That's where I'm going to leave you today.  I want to encourage you all to remember to look at the whole picture.  There was plenty of evidence of the storms that had passed through this region and if I had kept my head down and focused on the damage I would have missed the utter beauty I was walking through.  The same is true for my life.  If I focus on what I've lost in the midst of spiritual attack or discipline, I would miss the beauty of what God is doing in my life.  I can definitely acknowledge the damage, the loss, but I don't want to dwell there.  I want to glory in what the Lord will do because He is always working for my good.