Friday, July 20, 2018

Strangely Dim

I opened up my journal for the fist time in a while this morning and was dismayed by what I found. As I was flipping through the pages I noticed that there were whole sections that were starting to disappear. I was distraught and then I noticed which pages had started to fade. My Gratitude Journal, What I learned from God Today and What I heard from the Lord were all suffering a slow shift into invisibility.

It made me think about that old hymn...and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. As that song went through my head it occurred to me that the opposite can be true. When my gaze is on the world, or even myself, the things of God grow strangely dim. They begin to fade from my notice. I've been reading Bible Studies, going to church and pursuing the path I am convinced God has me on. I had been enduring some spiritual attacks and was fighting off my doubts with truth. What I hadn't been doing was remembering my first love.

Revelation 2:2-4 New King James Version (NKJV)

“I know your works, your labor, your [a]patience, and that you cannot[b]bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.


It had been a while since I had cracked open those front sections. The back half of my journal, populated by the prayer requests, questions and brainstorming section, were perfectly fine. This disparity made me examine the kind of relationship and conversation I was having with a God who wants to be closer than a brother. I love asking questions and I have no problem recognizing my lack of knowledge. I love brainstorming. I love thinking about the paths of stories, ideas for connections and inspiration. I even love writing down prayer requests as an act of love and care to those people who share their hearts with me. All good things but all very empty without conversation with God and a deep and growing relationship that gives context and focus to everything else.

For me, life has gotten a little overwhelming and my tendency is to hunker down and hold on. I know the truth that God is sovereign and in control but I forget that He knows my heart. I don't have to grit my teeth and bear up under. He wants to hear from me. My strength won't sustain me, His will. This moment of watching a physical manifestation of my intimate relationship with God fading from inattention was a wake up call. As my attention focused on the reason and source of my faith, instead of the working out of it in my life, I heard a sweet and clear call to come away with Him. To worship and converse together, just the two of us.

I went through and refilled in every fading letter that morning while I studied God's Word. I had a closer time with the Lord than I have had in a while. I did still have some big questions come up as I learned about who God is a little bit deeper but I was able to ask and learn because God was revealing Himself to a friend.

How God is calling me away with Him is totally out of my comfort zone. It is an adventure I have never experienced and while I keep trying to remind myself that it will be physically painful it doesn't seem to overwhelm the sense of excitement I feel about going away to be alone with God and worship.

It's appropriate that the song that came to mind is called "Turn your Eyes upon Jesus" because that is exactly what I'm going to do.  Will you join me in falling in love with our Savior today. To run, giggling, into His arms.  To go on a date and gaze lovingly into His face.  It's worth every moment away from "real" life because God doesn't want what you can do for Him, He wants you!

Further listening "Strangely Dim" by Francesca Battiselli




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7 comments:

  1. At least you go back and check! I forget I've even written something! But I'm encouraged that when I take the writing time, God is placing a bit of Himself ever deeper into my soul.

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    1. Being a lefty requires some interesting pen choices and I suspect that has something to do with it ;) The physical act of writing things down usually helps me remember but I always find it enlightening to go back and see where the Lord took me. Not just for the reminder but for worship.

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  2. I'm going to be singing that old song in my head all day now... such good words! And you are so right—when we turn our eyes upon the distractions of the world, how our view of the Lord can grow dim. A good reminder—thanks for sharing your heart! Stopping by from #freshmarketfriday

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    1. I've been singing it myself. It was fun going through youtube and listening to all the different versions and styles.

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  3. I love that song! We used to sing it a lot when I was growing up. "My strength won't sustain me, His will. This moment of watching a physical manifestation of my intimate relationship with God fading from inattention was a wake up call." I love the analogy here from your fading words in the journal and then how you went back and filled them all back in. I know I get so busy I let other things creep in with my time alone with God. Thanks for the inspiration to keep those times safe because that's where we find strength in Him. Blessings to you! I'm your neighbor at #Grace&Truth.

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    1. Thanks, Gayl. We used to sing it a lot growing up too. I think it's still sung but they tend to use only the chorus, which is perfectly fine. I'm so glad you came by today!

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  4. I so agree. I have taken my eye off Him lately and looking around at circumstances instead of His grace. Thank you for sharing on the #LMMLinkup last week.

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