Resolution Rebound

So maybe things didn't go as well as you hoped this year.  Your resolutions were left in the dust months ago and you've been beating yourself up ever since.  Whether your goals for this year were forgotten, failures or weights that have felt like a burden, there is still value in them.

So...how'd ya do?  I don't mean "did you complete your resolution".  That's what we usually ask ourselves, right?  If we think to ask ourselves at all.  While there is definitely something to be celebrated in the question 'how far did you get' (no matter how far that was) that's not really the best question.  As a recovering perfectionist, I failed attempts at resolutions, when I made them, and eventually I gave up.  Why bother to attempt something you keep failing at?  What's the point?  I failed them because I wouldn't (couldn't) do them perfectly, whatever that elusive ideal was.  Resolutions are valuable because we all know at our core that being stagnant is not good.  Being the same makes us feel stuck, trapped, and to some that is an allusion to death.  No one likes feeling mired.  God is calling us toward him.  It is an act of movement.  Resolutions are meant to bump us out of our ruts and back on track.  Following the well worn path won't bring fulfillment, it will only bring drudgery.

Too often we get bound up in our performance and forget that resolutions aren't meant to fix what is broken in us, only God can do that.  Resolutions are meant to prompt us to assess habits that may not be serving us any more.  If your resolution was to lose weight, don't only ask yourself if you lost weight.  Ask the better questions, like: did you try new things, did you try and form new habits, did you bring self awareness to an issue in your life and did you learn something from the experience.  Looking at how you did through that lens will bring less fruitless self condemnation and more helpful analysis. God has taken great care to teach me to look at failures as the teaching opportunities they are.  So no matter how far your got towards your resolution I want to encourage you to take a healthy look at how you did.

Let's begin by identifying what result you were actually trying to achieve.  For me, I wanted to practice my craft, invest my talents to God's glory and develop good writing habits.  If I'm being completely honest I will have to include that a little part of me wanted to become famous, succeed and cultivate a following in a meaningfully visible way and that I would have it all figured out.  If you hadn't guessed, I am not famous.  (Praise the Lord for his great and wondrous blessings!)  I don't have a following and I do not have it figured out.  If I looked at this years resolution through the negative lens of my flesh, I have failed.  I don't have anything to "show" for what I have done this year, at least not by the standards of the flesh.  That's not true of course, I have done what I set out to do.  It just doesn't look like what I thought it would look like.  Examine yourself honestly.  Are you disappointed in your resolutions because you were secretly hoping for something else?  Are you hoping for something to show?  A gold star that you can wear with pride?  Most of us are just hoping for change but the insidious unspoken expectation is, what are we going to change in to?  It's dangerous to think of our resolutions like a chrysalis from which a butterfly will emerge.  They are instead classrooms and training grounds.  Our learning will not be done.  Let's move away from the desire to check our resolutions off like a to-do list and instead, move towards the adventure they are meant to be.

So what worked?  What didn't?  As you think about this years resolution, and think about what goals you want to make for next year, it's important to assess how you make your resolutions as much as to assess what those resolutions are.  Are you goals too vague?  Too unreasonable?  To small?  To undefined?  Too dependent on chance?  Were you too focused on the wrong thing?  Did you check in with yourself to refocus?  It took me ten months to figure out I was focused on what I could do for God instead of on God.  I thought I was giving Him a gift that He would use.  What I was reminded of is that God doesn't need me to do anything.  He does it, He brings the increase.   I planned to find Him, I looked for Him and He keeps showing up in wonderful ways.  That is what worked for my resolution.  I committed to a course of action to find my God and He found me instead.  No matter what your resolution was or will be you have got to check in with yourself to find what is and is not working and then change.  That's the point, isn't it?  Change?  Change course slightly, change your attitude about what that means, change your expectation of becoming.  I could insert a cliched line here but I won't.  If you take the time to think about your goals and ask yourself what is and isn't working, what you are really trying to achieve and are you stepping out of your rut, you'll find yourself in a much different space when you think about your resolutions.

You've got one more week to think about what's next.  For me, I have some changes on the horizon.  Not only am I launching my website http://www.jd-iana.com, I've got some changes coming to my blog.  Join me next week for the conclusion to our resolution smevolution.

Resolutions Redux

We are on the final downhill slope towards the end of the year.  I know it's a little early to be thinking about new years resolutions but it is just about the right time to think about this years resolutions.  We often joke about failing in our resolutions within the first month of making them.  Come January there will be many posts poking fun at the phenomena and giving helpful advice on how to make resolutions.  It seems silly to start thinking about resolutions after the fact doesn't it.  It's almost like we have gotten in the habit of thinking of them as a failure before we even begin.  I'm going to start talking about it now because I want to set myself, and hopefully you, up for success.  In the last three Friday's of 2018 I am going to do some self assessment with the hope that you will join me.  This isn't meant to shine a spotlight on failures.  It's meant to shine a light of truth.  So let's take a look back at what worked, what didn't and how to do better.

Maintaining a resolution has two major factors, in my opinion, that lead to successful ending your year with endurance.  And that's what resolutions take, endurance.

1. Setting reasonable goals
2. checking in and assessing how your doing periodically throughout the year

Setting reasonable goals starts with giving yourself enough prep time.  Thinking about what to resolve yourself too on Dec 31 isn't going to help you in the long term.  It takes time to think about what your life and what changes need, should or can be made.  Some resolutions take preparation and advanced warning.  Sometimes resolutions require accountability, medical intervention, meal planning or research.  Give yourself some time over the next few weeks to think about what you are going to resolve and all that that will entail.  Setting reasonable goals also means searching yourself for what you really want to change.  Being invested in the change, and therefor able to endure to the end, requires that it's real, not just a thing that sounds good because everyone's doing it. 

The second major factor in a successful resolution is the practice of assessment.  Not for the purpose of reminding yourself that you've failed, but so that you can see where you're at.  Assessments are designed for resetting, evaluation and restart.  Needing to readjust doesn't mean you've failed, it means you're responsibly managing your course.  Checking in periodically is holding yourself accountable, keeping your resolution in the forefront of your mind and part of the learning experience.

Since my goal this year was to write a blog every week, I'd say I'm doing pretty well.  I've only got a few weeks left to complete this resolution and I am well on track.  They haven't all been the best thing I've ever written, but they have been written.  I'd be on a much different path if I did everything perfectly.  I'm not saying I didn't want to strive for excellence but my priority was balance. I set a reasonable goal, managed expectations and didn't swing to any extremes to accomplish it.  I know that's a lot of productivity buzz words.  The result was a year of growth and learning.

Ultimately, you must ask yourself what the goal of a resolution is.  Resolutions are about enacting change.  For some, it's a response to lack.  Lack of happiness, direction or fulfillment.  For some, it's a response to excess.  For me, it's a call to growth.  To step outside of my comfort zone and embark on an adventure.  To break out of the ruts, routines and mundanities of life.  To seek the wonder and awe that God has surrounded us with.  A call to see life anew. 
 
While I was thinking about the near completion of my resolution, and how I sometimes get mired down in the familiar and mundane, it reminded me of Uncle Traveling Matt.  Do you remember him?  He was my favorite part of Fraggle Rock (yes, I'm old).  Traveling Matt was exploring "outer space" which was really him being baffled by the human world.  It is a delightful observation on how odd life can look from a different perspective.  

So as you think about what your new years resolution might be, I would encourage you to be sure it stretches you to look at your mundane and be amazed, to put the "awe" back into awesome and to redefine your normal.  It's not merely about changing your life.  It's about renewal and balance. 

I'm still thinking about what next years resolution will be.  Join me over the remaining weeks of 2018 as I explore that question.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject and if you would like to share your resolution, I'll be praying with you as we head into 2019.