New Years Changes

We spent the last few weeks of December looking at resolutions.  Now, firmly resolved, we stare 2019 in the face and ask ourselves 'is this going to work?'  Lets set aside that fear laced question and instead look at what we are going to change.  If you didn't give yourself enough of a head start on your resolutions then you've probably been thinking about them or implementing them this week.  I've been thinking about mine a lot.

2018 was about rest.  God has been teaching and testing me in this area to remind me of the importance of obedience in rest.  The last quarter of the year was more intense in this area as God asked me to give up noise, technology and entertainment.  I spent a lot of the year wondering when it was going to be over...the rest, not the year.  Even in those moments of impatience God was teaching me how like a child I am.  The 'are we there yets' of my spiritual journey are so similar to the impatience I've seen in little ones.  God took great care to keep telling me to rest, to wait, to relax, to stop worrying, to stop being anxious and to not fret.

Near the end of December, God started to reveal what He was going to be working in 2019.  It's going to be a lot.  It's going to be a ton of learning, growing, and working.  Just thinking about it got me all worked up and ready to whip out to do lists, organizational aspiration sheets and a paper bag to breath into.  Okay, maybe not that last one.  I like being busy.  God taught me a lot in 2018 about where I find my value.  I know I was finding my worth and value in what I could do.  Without that (ugh, rest) I had to meet with Jesus about what that meant.  Being released from rest was like lifting the first gate at the races.  I near ran into the fence in my haste.  Because God gave me a year of rest, a year of coming back to a baseline of peace, I know that my resolutions are going to have to reflect what I learned last year.  In anticipation of what I think God will do with my year, I have made some resolutions and goals based on growing towards areas that I want to see if God has given me a passion for, to remind me of what God taught me was important in 2018 and to test doors and see where God is moving.

So what does that all mean.  I'm going to be writing more and blogging less.  Dotted lines, at least for now, is going to be moving to a once a month format.  Don't worry.  I have a year or mores worth of blogs for you to go back through if you need something to read ;)  In addition, Dotted Lines is going to be starting a YouTube channel!  Why?  Well, a few reasons.  One of them being the fact that humor and sarcasm tend to read better with facial expressions and I might translate better to you, the audience, face to face as it were.  I have some exciting publishing and contest news to announce already for 2019 but I have to hold my hat a little bit.  Since submitting more articles and contest pieces is one of my resolutions, I think that bodes well for the year ;)  My final resolution is to have my priorities straight.  In other words, time with God has to come first, without limits.  My time is His and without that source I won't be able to create, stay unafraid or hold on to peace.   That's my top priority this year.  To approach the potentially frantic with the sense of peace and calm that only comes from time spent with the Prince of Peace.  It is going to be a straight up test of what I have learned in 2018 so I am praying and working hard to establish some good habits to support this resolve.

Video seems to be the direction for the year.  I am going to be doing a lot of learning in this area through multiple outlets as I serve others and work it out for myself.  It's going to be tempting to fall back on negative self talk (I hate feeling dumb and I am going to feel dumb a lot as I learn) and frantically trying to complete an ever growing to-do list.  That's why my word for 2019 is Balance. 

So what is your word for 2019?  Have you started well this week or do you need to reset?  Either way, I hope you will join me.  The mission of Dotted Lines is still to embark on the amazing adventure of searching for God in my every day.  That won't change no matter where we move!

Resolution Revolution

It's time for a resolution revolution.  It's time to take this question seriously once again.  So here we are, standing on the raggedy edge of 2018...are you ready for change?

Now that we've learned from our successes and our failures, how do we resolve to make resolutions differently?  (If you haven't read the previous two blog posts, I highly recommend starting there) I was talking to my spouse about resolutions and asked if he had made any.  His skepticism brought a pseudo sneer to his face as he admitted he hadn't because he didn't see the point.  A lot of people have relegated resolutions to the 'pointless' category.  It seems I'm not the only one to be frustrated by failure in this area.  I have talked the previous two weeks about why resolutions are valuable, so let's proceed on the assumption that they are.  How do we do things differently in 2019?  How do we set ourselves up for success? 

Forethought

I think it bears repeating that the place to start is by thinking about it in advance and resolving to check in with yourself periodically to see if you need to alter course.  Don't be flippant with your resolution. Preparation not only helps develop habits it also starts the momentum in a forward direction toward your goal.  It's about settling your mind on a new course before you settle your body into new habits.  Part of thinking about your resolution in advance is giving yourself the opportunity to manage your expectations.  I'm not talking about settling for less than, I'm talking about identifying what your expectations are and working out for yourself if your expectations are reasonable or desirable.  Forethought also gives you the ability to prepare yourself for change.  Settle your mind on the fact that this is a learning experience, not a prize you are trying to attain. 

Resolution is defined as a firm decision to do or not do something; or the action of solving a problem, dispute or contentious matter

Endurance

Resolutions are about endurance.  A large part of why resolutions are valuable is because the by product of attempting a resolution is going to be endurance.  If you are training for a marathon you may only get a quarter of a mile today (or the end of the driveway) but tomorrow, next week, next month, you will get farther.  Even if you have never completed a year long resolution doesn't mean you shouldn't attempt one at all.  Practice doesn't make perfect but it does make endurance.  Couldn't we all use a little more sticktoitiveness?  Yes!  I can't tell you how often I missed out because I gave up too early.  I can bet you have too.  If your resolutions have been a bust in the past, consider looking back and evaluating if you learned anything from the experience.  Test and see if maybe you are just a little bit better at enduring this time around as a result.  A huge part of resolve is mental.  You can go further than you think, do more than you know, because God has created something amazing.  Your mind is a stubborn, strong willed thing.  Why not use that strength for something good?  Good gifts like this from our heavenly Father can be used and abused by our flesh and the enemy but that doesn't me we shouldn't use them for fear of their misuse. 

Balance

Resolutions are never meant to consume you.  Resolutions are supposed to encourage you to reach outside of your normal sphere.  To stretch, to put forth effort.  It is not meant to encourage you to jump off a cliff.  Let's be smart about this.  If you want to make a resolution for the new year then keep balance in mind as you set your goal.  How much time do you have to commit on a daily, weekly or monthly basis?  Is your resolution about achieving a prize or about developing a habit?  Is your resolution about bragging rights or intentionality?  Is your resolution going to improve you or your situation?  Is it valuable, reasonable or beneficial?  Is it inward or outward focused?  Finally, ask yourself how you are going to monitor yourself.  Are you going to ask someone to be your mentor and accountability partner so you can meet and discuss where you're at once a month?  Are you going to keep a journal?  What questions are you going to ask when considering your resolution? 

Resolve to think about your resolution differently

Lets do something different.  Let's use our resolution, our endurance, to see life differently, to push us out of our comfort zones and be an encouragement and not a condemnation.  This is not a pass or fail test, this is a journey.  You are committing to walking towards a goal.  There is no first place and loser position.  This is about opening ourselves to a different perspective.  It's about agreeing with God that we need to grow and change.  It's about acknowledge that we aren't done learning even if we're done with school.  Stop thinking of resolutions like a test and start thinking about them as a lesson.   

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It's about time we did things differently, don't you think?  How is it that resolutions have become a joke we only think about once a year?  I hope this series has made you think about next years resolution but I'm also secretly hoping that it has inspired you to a little rebellion.  To rebel against the prevailing apathy towards resolve.  To fight against the powers that would take our endurance and make it a laughing matter.  It's time to storm these heights again and take back our dignity!  Will you join me?  Viva la resolution!

Resolution Rebound

So maybe things didn't go as well as you hoped this year.  Your resolutions were left in the dust months ago and you've been beating yourself up ever since.  Whether your goals for this year were forgotten, failures or weights that have felt like a burden, there is still value in them.

So...how'd ya do?  I don't mean "did you complete your resolution".  That's what we usually ask ourselves, right?  If we think to ask ourselves at all.  While there is definitely something to be celebrated in the question 'how far did you get' (no matter how far that was) that's not really the best question.  As a recovering perfectionist, I failed attempts at resolutions, when I made them, and eventually I gave up.  Why bother to attempt something you keep failing at?  What's the point?  I failed them because I wouldn't (couldn't) do them perfectly, whatever that elusive ideal was.  Resolutions are valuable because we all know at our core that being stagnant is not good.  Being the same makes us feel stuck, trapped, and to some that is an allusion to death.  No one likes feeling mired.  God is calling us toward him.  It is an act of movement.  Resolutions are meant to bump us out of our ruts and back on track.  Following the well worn path won't bring fulfillment, it will only bring drudgery.

Too often we get bound up in our performance and forget that resolutions aren't meant to fix what is broken in us, only God can do that.  Resolutions are meant to prompt us to assess habits that may not be serving us any more.  If your resolution was to lose weight, don't only ask yourself if you lost weight.  Ask the better questions, like: did you try new things, did you try and form new habits, did you bring self awareness to an issue in your life and did you learn something from the experience.  Looking at how you did through that lens will bring less fruitless self condemnation and more helpful analysis. God has taken great care to teach me to look at failures as the teaching opportunities they are.  So no matter how far your got towards your resolution I want to encourage you to take a healthy look at how you did.

Let's begin by identifying what result you were actually trying to achieve.  For me, I wanted to practice my craft, invest my talents to God's glory and develop good writing habits.  If I'm being completely honest I will have to include that a little part of me wanted to become famous, succeed and cultivate a following in a meaningfully visible way and that I would have it all figured out.  If you hadn't guessed, I am not famous.  (Praise the Lord for his great and wondrous blessings!)  I don't have a following and I do not have it figured out.  If I looked at this years resolution through the negative lens of my flesh, I have failed.  I don't have anything to "show" for what I have done this year, at least not by the standards of the flesh.  That's not true of course, I have done what I set out to do.  It just doesn't look like what I thought it would look like.  Examine yourself honestly.  Are you disappointed in your resolutions because you were secretly hoping for something else?  Are you hoping for something to show?  A gold star that you can wear with pride?  Most of us are just hoping for change but the insidious unspoken expectation is, what are we going to change in to?  It's dangerous to think of our resolutions like a chrysalis from which a butterfly will emerge.  They are instead classrooms and training grounds.  Our learning will not be done.  Let's move away from the desire to check our resolutions off like a to-do list and instead, move towards the adventure they are meant to be.

So what worked?  What didn't?  As you think about this years resolution, and think about what goals you want to make for next year, it's important to assess how you make your resolutions as much as to assess what those resolutions are.  Are you goals too vague?  Too unreasonable?  To small?  To undefined?  Too dependent on chance?  Were you too focused on the wrong thing?  Did you check in with yourself to refocus?  It took me ten months to figure out I was focused on what I could do for God instead of on God.  I thought I was giving Him a gift that He would use.  What I was reminded of is that God doesn't need me to do anything.  He does it, He brings the increase.   I planned to find Him, I looked for Him and He keeps showing up in wonderful ways.  That is what worked for my resolution.  I committed to a course of action to find my God and He found me instead.  No matter what your resolution was or will be you have got to check in with yourself to find what is and is not working and then change.  That's the point, isn't it?  Change?  Change course slightly, change your attitude about what that means, change your expectation of becoming.  I could insert a cliched line here but I won't.  If you take the time to think about your goals and ask yourself what is and isn't working, what you are really trying to achieve and are you stepping out of your rut, you'll find yourself in a much different space when you think about your resolutions.

You've got one more week to think about what's next.  For me, I have some changes on the horizon.  Not only am I launching my website http://www.jd-iana.com, I've got some changes coming to my blog.  Join me next week for the conclusion to our resolution smevolution.

What is Rest

I am finally going on a real adventure.  If you've been keeping up with my blog, this will sound very strange to you.  I've traveled a lot this year.  I have had tons of new and exciting things happen.  It all started when God gave me a glimpse into what He has for my future.  This doesn't happen to me very often.  God doesn't usually give me a heads up.  I know it's because I am firmly in the "Martha" camp.  When God gives me a nudge, I go into extreme prep mode.  I am so excited to have a plan to follow that I often forget my best resource and guide.  I suspect that is why, after giving me a glimpse into what He has planned, God asked me to rest.  I've talked about it on the blog, so I won't go over it again but I have been struggling this year with the question "What is rest?"  

It's been clear that God is convicting me about my definition of rest.  I fully confess that my definition of rest is "the chance to catch up".  Vacations, weekends away, I think of them as places to hide so I can finish the backlog of tasks that have built up because I couldn't say no to people.  I fear becoming lazy, or resting wrong, more than I have feared the Lord.  Over the last couple of weeks I have been having random encounters with Godly people in my life, and in my Bible study, that have brought this problem up.  

So I'm walking away.  I'm walking away from the need to fulfill any need I come across.  I'm walking away from technology.  I'm walking away from the list of things I have moved too far up on my priority list.  I am walking away from noise.  I have fasted from noise before, you can read about that here, and I expect it is going to be terribly hard.  Giving up the things I have attached my purpose and significance to is going to be hard.  That's the reason why I'm giving up all the things I distract myself with so I haven't had to address these things.  That's the reason why I have to give up these things so I can actually hear my God.

So, I am truly going on an adventure.  A quest into the deepest, darkest wilds.  I am going to leave the beaten path, the familiar trails of my life, and stop trying to make adventure happen.  I am going to dive into aloneness with intention.  To sit in the stillness.  It's going to be full of frustration, tears and sorrow but this adventure is going to teach me how to exchange those things for joy, contentment and the ability to recognize treasures of greater worth.  

Has the Lord been convicting you of something lately?  Is He asking you to do something you don't want to do?  I get it.  Let's do this together.  

The Adventure Continues

I mentioned last week that I was coming back from a big adventure.  In reality, it was the first planned adventure for the year.  Like most adventures, we planned as much as we could and then waited for the inevitable changes that would mock whatever preparations we had tried to make.  It might seem a little cynical but it's very Biblical to expect trouble.  See John 16:33 ;)  

So let's talk about dealing with the disappointment of changing plans.  Whether you're on vacation or at home, plans change.  As the planner of my family, this fact hits me harder than it does my spouse.  This makes practical sense because I've put time and effort into the planning.  Changes mean waste in my brain.  Wasted time, wasted effort.  It also means blame.  I am to blame for the disappointment.  For my personality type, it's the worst.  Some of you can shrug off most change while some of us have to do mental battle to recover properly.  

Over the years, my spouse and I have gotten in the habit of mentally shaking ourselves after a change (ie problem/challenge) by saying to each other, "Well, it's an adventure".  If you've been following this blog for a while then you might guess that was the beginning of Dotted Lines, and you'd be right.  In our minds, adventure is what happens when you're off book.  When you've left the scripted path and find yourself in unfamiliar territory.  Adventure always starts with a challenge.  Isn't it strange that when we seek an adventure, we think that's not going to happen.  That our thrilling adventure will be safe, scripted and ultimately predictable with social media worthy images and perfect smiles as we luxuriantly rest.  Social media has trained us to expect a cultivated adventure.  We see only the perfect moments in other peoples adventures and so we expect only the perfect moments in ours.  

It sounds ridiculous when you think about it, doesn't it.  No one really expects to have only perfect moments.  We do proceed as if we could plan them though.  Can you imagine?  To only have the moments you planned for...How awful would that be!  How utterly boring!!  Dealing with disappointing changes is begun by honestly looking at your expectations (if you haven't read Anticipation vs Expectation, you should).  

That's my families castle in the background.  I've had the privilege of visiting twice now.  It's my very favorite castle.  This is the day I had looked forward too the most on the trip.  You can see the joy on my face.  I couldn't wait to show my ancestral land to my companions!  Unfortunately, this day was full of changed plans, challenges, disappointments and a serious lack of food.  My party was utterly done with this day by the end and I was beside myself because every time I tried to fix it, it went more wrong.  

Here's the real trick to being able to deal with disappointment!  You don't let the challenges define your entire day.  Some of my best moments have come from the unexpected but only because I was able to see the adventure for what it was.  I wasn't focused on the disappointment but on the wonder of the moment.  It's all about what you focus on.  

So, are you going to focus on the disappointment, and have a disappointing day, or are you going to focus on what God is doing instead?  God's plan always works and is always perfect.  Don't misunderstand me.  God's perfect moments aren't always my perfect moments.  God is working for my good and sometimes the "perfect moment" is when my disappointments reveal character flaws that need to be exposed and dealt with.  We'll get to that in a couple weeks.

Next week we'll talk about how to cope with companions on your adventure.  Until then, in the immortal words of some singer that is not Weird Al, shake it off.  Do what works for you to recenter, choose a new direction, and enjoy the adventure you are having even if it's not the one you wanted.