Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Blind man walking

I saw a blind man cross the street today.  I've seen such things before but today it struck me how brave you must become when you lose something most people take for granted.  He stepped off the sidewalk at the crosswalk with boldness and walked with unhitched step to the other side.

This struck me today because someone I love has chosen to withhold their love from me.  They are angry with me.  In their eyes, I have treated them with disrespect.

People get offended for all sorts of reasons.  That's not what this post is about.  This also isn't about guilt or who's right or wrong.  Ultimately it doesn't matter.  The result, in my case, is a loss of relationship with someone important to me.  With someone who's love most people take for granted.

Luckily, I've been praying about and for this person for some time.  God, in His mercy and love, has shielded my heart from most of the hurt.  I have several choices in how to act and respond.  Leave them be to give them space, act the same as I always have, go out of my way to show love.  All of these options have merit and downfalls.  All of them can, and probably will be, misinterpreted.  I can't change their heart or mind.  I will leave that in God's hands.  My job is to examine my own heart, test my motives and honor God...

and then step boldly into the crosswalk.

Monday, March 21, 2016

I had a dream

I woke this morning from an interesting dream.  There is no way I can paint the emotional backdrop of this dream appropriately.   There is also no way it will make sense in the way my heart experienced it.  That makes the dream sound profound and epic and perhaps sets the bar higher than I intend.
It was a pastoral scene.  Rolling hills, ponds and trees held a picnic and relay like competition.  I was on a team with my husband, Vince and Sarah.  I felt  the pressure in my chest that often accompanies the competitive spirit roaring to life.  (Even now the dream fades from my memory and so I can't remember all the tasks) The competition required running to stations and puzzle solving, just the kind of thing our group of four excels at.
The problem was this, I knew I was dying. I had tried to prepare my husband.  I had tried to prepare and plan so that they wouldn't have to worry about anything when I died.  I made sure to take all my clothes so that the sight of them wouldn't make him sad.
An attendant came during the last challenge and told me that the plane was ready to go.  I got the impression that everyone knew I was dying, even my team, and we just hoped to have enough time to finish the competition.  Someone had made arrangements for me to hitch a ride on a transport plane and it couldn't wait any longer so I had to leave my team.
Weirdness of the dream aside, as I got on the plane I had one burning motivation.  I needed to finish preparing for my death by cleaning and purging the house.  I needed to make sure that I would be seen and remembered with a clean house, free of care.  A workman approved.  A Proverbs 31 woman.
I woke with the certainty that I needed to clean the house.  Deeply, well and with diligence.    

Dreams are interesting indeed.

The truth is I should be living each day as if it were my last.  I should be cleaning my house as if I will have a guest any second and as if the greatest honor I could do my husband was to care for his home with perfection.  I don't know if the first day of spring mixed with my guilt and was nudged by Biblical principles to send me a dream that would motivate me to action but spring clean fever has well and truly struck.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

That was a long break - Convention Costume Final Shots

I realized recently that I didn't give you any of the finished group shots of last years SL ComicCon costumes.  We got a lot of attention as Gracie Law (or the girl with green eyes) and LoPan.  In fact, as we were walking to the building some lady made her shuttle pull over so she could yell from the open door "GRACIE LAW!!!!"  I think these are going to be cycled into a regular con schedule.    

No one recognized us for Marvel Noir day which my brother was sad about but we discovered sushi burritos so I consider that a win.  
A total of 4 people recognized Agatha Heterodyne and Gilgamesh Wolfenbach.  That wasn't a big deal because John still got stopped often because the hat he made was so stinkin' cool.  It was a big hit.  I personally think this will make it back in the con rotation because it was comfortable and I felt like we looked good which contributes to the aforementioned comfort.

We are already starting to throw ideas around for 2016 because heaven forbid we take a break ;)

Now to the reason why it's been so long.  After Comic Con we went to visit family, had way to many funerals to attend and then started work for Gamefest at Starfest Denver.  We've done a ton of escape rooms this year, somewhere around 22.  I've also been hard at work trying to make sure the organizations I volunteer for have up to date yearly calendars and doing the whole marketing thing.

In at least two areas of my life I've been asked to step into a leadership role.  This has been challenging.  Not only has there been spiritual warfare associated with it but there have been some internal brain talk that hasn't helped me either.  I have spent a large percentage of my life avoiding leadership.  There are a couple reasons for this.  I have organizing skills, and an almost fanatical work ethic.  I do not have the patience, understanding or diplomacy to convince people that they should do what they say their going to do when the say they're going to do it.  This generally makes me the girl friday to the people in leadership.  I am confident that the Lord arranged these leadership opportunities partially because I didn't ask for them.  I am also confident that the Lord is going to do this.  I know I can't do this and I KNOW that God can.  The challenge now is remembering that God is going to do this rather than noticing the challenges, hurtles and obstacles.  That's true of anything I can think of.

Like all of you, my life is full.  Troubles and triumphs galore.  I've had tons of profound thoughts recently *har har* but didn't get them down before they were gone.  Sorry about that.  But it has reminded me to come back and at least give you an update.