Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Bad day, better attitude

Some days are just designed to be tests.  Today was one of mine.  The first week of Advent is about hope.  It's a time to refocus on what's important.  To live in anticipation of the coming hope.  It's a remembrance of Israel waiting for the Messiah and now for us waiting for the second coming.  One of the questions of reflection asked how I could act with greater kindness and understanding.  So how did I start my day.  By honking at someone pulling illegally through a median.  I fantasized all the way to the doctors office about police chasing them down, imagined pillions shooting up from the road ... It occurred to me that this was not only unproductive but it was setting me up for a poor state of mind.  I hadn't gotten my prayer time in before I had to leave this morning.  By the time I arrived at my appointment I thought I had gotten my mind back on track.

That is until I found out my appointment is tomorrow.  No big deal, misunderstanding.  So I decided to make the most of it.  I went to a nearby park.  It was lovely.  Great view, brisk cool walk.

That is until I went back to my car and figured out I had locked myself out of my car.  Okay, called a friend to pick up my extra keys. Didn't get the right keys.  No big deal, called a locksmith.  Called my mom who said she would bring me coffee.  Out of the blue my husband called and I shared how my day had gone so far.  Got a couple errands done and arrived just in time to meet my mother who had also gotten me lunch.  Got some work done.

That is until I got notice I needed to come to a last minute doc appointment and that the murder mystery party game I've been working my brains off for had a guest cancel.  The key character. Fine, think about it later.  Ran home to pick up medical records.

That is until I'm petting my kitty while she was apparently peeing in my office chair.  

Sometimes life can seem like one big poke in the eye.  I admit that I struggled with my attitude today.  I tried telling God about my day but I wanted to call a friend and complain.  To hear the sympathy.  I'm not sure why we long for someone to Oo in sympathy but find it less satisfying to pour our heart out to the Lord and let it go.  My day wasn't fun but God is very good.  He kept interspersing the annoyances with very clear instances of love and care.  Even on very bad days, there is a choice.  You can drown in the annoyances and probably make a bad day worse.  Or you can see the care and love that is wrapped around you.  Our God is a loving Father.  He knows when we need comfort. You can choose to have a tantrum or you can lean into the loving embrace, take a deep breath and move on.

Monday, November 28, 2016


The holidays can be a challenging time of year for many.  The lists get longer, the stress gets bigger and the demands on our time grow.  My friend, Pam, and I decided this holiday we were going to do an Advent Bible Study.  In addition we are going to pray specifically for requests that line up with the weeks of Advent.  I am personally adding in a month of prayer discipline.
The end of the year tends to be, at least for me, filled with some annoying stressful things that make me think the entire year stunk.  (This is helped along by the fact that I usually haven't given myself a period of rest from the never ending tasks on my to do list).  This year, I don't want to be focused on the stress.  I want to focus on my Savior.  To participate in the anticipation of His coming.

So here's to an end of the year filled with anticipation not of things but of hope!

Here's to an end of the year meant to set up the beginning of the new year with success!

Here's to growth in areas of value!

As far as the prayer discipline, I wanted to share what I'm doing.
I have a hard time praying for a few reasons.  The first being that my head is so full of tasks and thoughts I can't seem to maintain a quite time of prayer for any length of time.  The second is I've had some heartbreak in the area of prayer I thought was answered and seemingly isn't.  I'm working on these in two ways.  I'm going to start a prayer log.  I think typing out my prayers will force me to focus and help me keep a record.  I'm also going to allow my brain a period of time to think about everything I have to do that day and I'm going to write it down.  I'll give it a  to do list to show my brain I heard it and I'll get to it in due time.  My prayer is that this will allow me the space to focus on God.  So here's my to do list for today.  Now to prayer!

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Life is weird

It's been a while since I was able to sit for a few minutes and think.  I'd like to say this is a busy time of year for me but as I have a few minutes to sit and think I realize that is a less than true statement.  I don't have a non-busy time of year.  If I'm not in the midst of an event, I'm planning for and preparing an event.
This past weekend I attended a two day conference that was waaaaaaay too new age-y woo woo for me but despite the affirmations to get in touch with my inner orphan I did learn something God has been trying to wack into my brain for a long time.
I take service very seriously.  Any hint of personal laziness is anathema to me.  As my life has gotten busier I've had to whip my body past it's breaking point as my body's breaking point keeps getting shorter.  I'm sure you think that's ridiculous.

Part if it is my drive to help.  It's my purpose and I LOVE having purpose.  The other part is an impending feeling that my time is short.

Today I'm going to get another MRI.  I've been having some additional symptoms besides the headaches and fatigue.  I've been having dizzy spells.  Some of them while driving.  The thing in my brain is probably nothing.  I'm probably having more symptoms because I'm not getting the message that I need to stop treating every new task as an impending deadline that only I can accomplish.  I've got to relax or I'm going to kill myself (or make myself miserable enough to wish I was).

Each one of us has personal drives that are part of our makeup.  We are all different.  This weekends class, while not enjoyable for me, was full of people trying to identify who they are so they could set themselves back in balance.  I can respect that and it's a message I need to listen too.  What comes next can feel impossible.  How can I just turn it off?  Time and attention.  What is the Lord trying to teach you right now.  Does what He's asking of you seem impossible?  Have you failed before?  Shake it off and look to your Savior.  Don't shackle yourself with past failures.  Get up (or in my case sit down) and pay attention.