Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Life is weird

It's been a while since I was able to sit for a few minutes and think.  I'd like to say this is a busy time of year for me but as I have a few minutes to sit and think I realize that is a less than true statement.  I don't have a non-busy time of year.  If I'm not in the midst of an event, I'm planning for and preparing an event.
This past weekend I attended a two day conference that was waaaaaaay too new age-y woo woo for me but despite the affirmations to get in touch with my inner orphan I did learn something God has been trying to wack into my brain for a long time.
I take service very seriously.  Any hint of personal laziness is anathema to me.  As my life has gotten busier I've had to whip my body past it's breaking point as my body's breaking point keeps getting shorter.  I'm sure you think that's ridiculous.

Part if it is my drive to help.  It's my purpose and I LOVE having purpose.  The other part is an impending feeling that my time is short.

Today I'm going to get another MRI.  I've been having some additional symptoms besides the headaches and fatigue.  I've been having dizzy spells.  Some of them while driving.  The thing in my brain is probably nothing.  I'm probably having more symptoms because I'm not getting the message that I need to stop treating every new task as an impending deadline that only I can accomplish.  I've got to relax or I'm going to kill myself (or make myself miserable enough to wish I was).

Each one of us has personal drives that are part of our makeup.  We are all different.  This weekends class, while not enjoyable for me, was full of people trying to identify who they are so they could set themselves back in balance.  I can respect that and it's a message I need to listen too.  What comes next can feel impossible.  How can I just turn it off?  Time and attention.  What is the Lord trying to teach you right now.  Does what He's asking of you seem impossible?  Have you failed before?  Shake it off and look to your Savior.  Don't shackle yourself with past failures.  Get up (or in my case sit down) and pay attention.  

1 comment:

  1. I always love reading your blog posts. Thank you for sharing such personal reflections. I know it's hard to relax.