I'll wait while you all recover your breath.
I know the primary purpose of this blog is to discuss the unique challenges and joys of being a servant minded individual and it is. Part of that purpose includes knowing when to take a break. I've written a few blogs on taking care of yourself so you don't pour out until you can't give any more. The Lord had been putting the idea of sabbatical on my mind for a while, I just wasn't getting that He was talking to me. Last September, God made it clear He was asking me to give up my volunteer activities. Over the month of October and November I was busy wrapping things up and writing for NaNoWriMo (which I completed this year, yay me!). It was by December, when I was looking at my full calendar and overwhelming to do list, that I realized I hadn't done what God had asked me to do. He wanted me to stop everything. To take a real and true break. A sabbatical. I have to tell you, this has been beyond challenging. It's been incredibly difficult to explain to people. It's been hard to justify to myself. My identity has been wrapped up in being useful. Of having purpose. I thought taking a pause from volunteering for the month of September would be it, but as the year proceeded to a close, I wasn't getting any new instructions from the Lord. As I paused my busy schedule to ask Him, it hit me. I wasn't standing still long enough to hear from the Lord. I have been such a Martha. It's my normal bent to be sure. I don't ever want to be accused of being lazy but more than anything I don't want to be thought of as useless. It's shaped how I even view "rest". So I started my year with a mental reset. I've pared down my to do lists, I've given up my idea of useful and replaced it with what is needful. It's meant a lot of Bible study, a few naps and filling my life with few things more complicated than keeping my house neat and clean.
I know this is a time of preparation. For what, I can only guess. I'm trying not to guess in earnest because thinking too far in the future defeats the purpose of listening to what God is saying in my present. Thinking too far in the future often invites fear into my life. I assume if God has to give my life pause to prepare me it must be for something huge, difficult, exhausting or hurtful. It also gives me time to doubt. To doubt God is asking something of me, to doubt my ability to accomplish it. All of these mental gymnastics are ultimately all part of the prep. To shake off the doubt, to get in step with where the Lord is moving, to put on the full armor of faith and to be fully rested and able to endure whatever is coming. This season could be as simple as getting my body healthy again or it could involve a whole new season or state in life. *shrug* Doesn't really matter. This time of rest means that I can practice being on board with trusting God completely with my future. Granted, I'm still working on the being still part.
As you think about your new year and what your intentions and hopes and resolutions are, consider resolving to rest and be still.
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