Voice of Thunder - Sneffels Traverse

Last week I shared how God was calling me away to be with Him in Strangely Dim.  This week I want to share with you what happened.

I am an indoor girl.  I've never enjoyed going outside.  I like reading...inside.  In our pursuit of better health, my husband and I have been working out and eating in whatever version of healthy we have to pursue in the moment (add on low cholesterol diet to the low nickel diet and we have new dramas to share)  When my friend Minx asked if I would be interesting in stepping in for her friend who couldn't go on a hiking trip they had planned for a year, I laughed it off at first.  I'm not a hiker.  I have never been backpacking.  But I couldn't get it out of my head.  I set a budget, ways to confirm with the Lord that this was His prompting and started reading about the Sneffels Traverse.

The Sneffels Traverse is a 5 day hut to hut backpacking trip across 30 miles of diverse terrain.  Needless to say, God continued to confirm this was the right course and I met my budget goals.  I knew this was going to be a difficult and painful experience but I was so excited by the call to come away with God that I couldn't contain my excitement.

I couldn't sleep the night before we left no matter how hard I tried.  I prayed and waited for God to work or speak.  

The drive up to the trail head was lovely.  A herd of Elk crossed in front of us and the start of the trail was pregnant with beauty.

We were advised that a hiker had gone missing in the area and were asked to keep a look out.

My goal was to accomplish this trip without complaint.

Psalm 19:14 English Standard Version (ESV)

14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

    be acceptable in your sight,

     O  Lord , my  rock and my  redeemer.

I started praying as we walked and then waited in silence to hear the Lord speak.

Not. Even. Crickets.

No big deal.  Sometimes patience is required.  Sometimes you need to settle in.  God doesn't show up in my time but His.  

There was plenty of beauty and I was very grateful my pack was comfortable.  I was feeling pretty good...capable.  

We stopped for an early lunch at a beautiful spot just after crossing a little stream.  It was the first real rest for the day and I was still struggling to hear the Lord.  I was straining to hear Him in the gentle breezes, in the near blinding beauty and the peaceful calm but a sense of His presence eluded me.  We moved on quicker than I would have liked but the grey sky which was a blessing at the beginning of the day to keep away the heat was now foreboding rain.  

It wasn't long before we were pulling out rain gear. The torrent that assailed us was all part of the adventure to me.  As I walked, I continued to pray but I was getting frustrated.  Why had God called me away to meet with Him if He wasn't going to show up?  So as the rain pattered against my rain jacket hood I said, "It's just you and me here God.  No one is around.  So where are you?  When are you going to speak to me?"

It wasn't even a second before the blinding flash of light and thunder of a near lightening strike had me cowering in fear.  

My response ...

"Is your majesty and power how you are going to speak to me?  I know that you."

I was disappointed.  I was arrogant.  

The hike got harder at this point.  More fallen logs to climb over, the trail turning into a stream and creeks turning into brown water rushing torrents.  We hunkered down several times because the lightening strikes were so near and frequent but eventually we had to choose between trying to move out of the area or waiting it out.  

We finally got to the hut and started hanging things up to dry.  I couldn't fall asleep.  My prayers became tearful plea's.  I begged God to help me.  To meet me.  To speak.  To heal.  


I heard nothing.

The next day promised to be just as long but also hosted gorgeous views.  Our party, afraid of getting rained out again, pushed even harder.  We didn't stop to eat or look at many of the stunning views.  By the time I completed my first major decline my knee was hurting and I was despondent.  

I came upon this aspen and it caught my eye.  How did it get so twisted up?  How did it keep growing?  How did it figure out which direction was up?  

I wondered the same for myself.  I still hadn't heard from the Lord but I was working to keep Psalms 19:14 at the forefront of my mind.  I repeated it over and over.  I didn't want to miss my encounter with the Lord because I had given up too early.  

He never spoke to me.  I never experienced the time of intimacy I had expected.  What do you do when you do everything you can to meet with the Lord and you get attacked instead?  Some day God will reveal what He was doing during this time.  In the mean time, I will trust He was moving on my behalf.  I will trust that He heard every word, saw every tear and walked every mile with me.  

The week before I left, the chapters I was reading in "Unseen" reminded me that the times in the desert, when we are desperately thirsty for God, reveal our deep need for Him.  It expands our awareness and forces our roots to seek deeper in our desperate thirst for God.  Have you sought God and been unable to see Him in your circumstances?  Have you been thirsty for His living water and cried out "Why won't you give me a drink?  I'm desperate for you!" 

John 19:28 English Standard Version (ESV)

The Death of Jesus

28 After this, Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), “I thirst.”

He knows...He knows really well.  

Sometimes adventure is choosing to believe that God is more interested in our good than in our comfort.  For me, that meant I got pretty thirsty.  If my roots of faith stretched a little bit deeper because of it, I have nothing to complain about.  I may not see the benefits "above ground" yet, but the fruit will show soon enough.

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Strangely Dim

I opened up my journal for the fist time in a while this morning and was dismayed by what I found. As I was flipping through the pages I noticed that there were whole sections that were starting to disappear. I was distraught and then I noticed which pages had started to fade. My Gratitude Journal, What I learned from God Today and What I heard from the Lord were all suffering a slow shift into invisibility.

It made me think about that old hymn...and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. As that song went through my head it occurred to me that the opposite can be true. When my gaze is on the world, or even myself, the things of God grow strangely dim. They begin to fade from my notice. I've been reading Bible Studies, going to church and pursuing the path I am convinced God has me on. I had been enduring some spiritual attacks and was fighting off my doubts with truth. What I hadn't been doing was remembering my first love.

Revelation 2:2-4 New King James Version (NKJV)

2 “I know your works, your labor, your [a]patience, and that you cannot[b]bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; 3 and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. 4 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

It had been a while since I had cracked open those front sections. The back half of my journal, populated by the prayer requests, questions and brainstorming section, were perfectly fine. This disparity made me examine the kind of relationship and conversation I was having with a God who wants to be closer than a brother. I love asking questions and I have no problem recognizing my lack of knowledge. I love brainstorming. I love thinking about the paths of stories, ideas for connections and inspiration. I even love writing down prayer requests as an act of love and care to those people who share their hearts with me. All good things but all very empty without conversation with God and a deep and growing relationship that gives context and focus to everything else.

For me, life has gotten a little overwhelming and my tendency is to hunker down and hold on. I know the truth that God is sovereign and in control but I forget that He knows my heart. I don't have to grit my teeth and bear up under. He wants to hear from me. My strength won't sustain me, His will. This moment of watching a physical manifestation of my intimate relationship with God fading from inattention was a wake up call. As my attention focused on the reason and source of my faith, instead of the working out of it in my life, I heard a sweet and clear call to come away with Him. To worship and converse together, just the two of us.

I went through and refilled in every fading letter that morning while I studied God's Word. I had a closer time with the Lord than I have had in a while. I did still have some big questions come up as I learned about who God is a little bit deeper but I was able to ask and learn because God was revealing Himself to a friend.

How God is calling me away with Him is totally out of my comfort zone. It is an adventure I have never experienced and while I keep trying to remind myself that it will be physically painful it doesn't seem to overwhelm the sense of excitement I feel about going away to be alone with God and worship.

It's appropriate that the song that came to mind is called "Turn your Eyes upon Jesus" because that is exactly what I'm going to do.  Will you join me in falling in love with our Savior today. To run, giggling, into His arms.  To go on a date and gaze lovingly into His face.  It's worth every moment away from "real" life because God doesn't want what you can do for Him, He wants you!

Further listening "Strangely Dim" by Francesca Battiselli

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Low Nickel Diet

Concluding our discussion on Comparison last week leaves me the perfect transition into this weeks blog post on health.  In my own life I don't think there is any subject where I compare myself negatively with others more frequently than health.  Our newest bump on the road of my families health is causing a great deal of stress for me because it involves such a steep learning curve.  Or at least, it feels steep.  My spouse has been dealing with a skin rash/eczema for the last couple of years that doctors and dermatologists have been unable to diagnose or treat. It was itchy, bubbly, red and caused hair to fall out (most notably on his eyebrows).  Spots would randomly flare up or spread and so I finally decided to make an appointment with an allergy clinic.  They concluded right away it was a nickel allergy and ordered my spouse to adopt a low nickel diet.

Can you guess what foods have nickel?  If you thought none, you would be incorrect.  If you thought all of them, ding ding ding, you are pretty close.  Nickel is in the ground, therefore, things that grow from the ground or eat things grown from the ground are going to have some nickel.  The trick seems to be choosing those foods that are lowest in nickel to avoid having an allergic response.  Here's the part that has been stressing me out.  All the lists I have found so far either contradict each other or only feel comfortable sharing the foods you can't eat.  Few will tell you what foods you can eat without doing some research.  

I want to emphasize the fact that I am not a medical professional.  I'm just trying to figure things out and thought it might help some people.  For me, I needed to figure out what I could feed my family in a practical sense.  I will also say that this is only the first step in figuring out how to live with a nickel allergy this severe.  I have personally found a great deal of information and encouragement from Christy Cushing.  Allergies are always a complex issue and my spouse apparently has quite a few.  Figuring out what will cause a reaction will require a lot of trial and error.  So to organize the information into a format that would be useful to me, I made a spreadsheet.

The problem with the above list is three fold.  

• One
•  it's not exhaustive.  I have no idea if quinoa is allowed yet. I don't know what other vegetables, like jicama or other root vegetables, we can eat.
• Two
• the nickel quantity in any given food is dependent on the soil it's grown in.  Manufacturing can introduce nickel into foods as well as pots and pans in some cases.  Identifying which items have nickel apart from the food equation is a whole other kettle of fish (which we really can't eat now) and so I won't go into it at this time.  
• Three
• We have to set aside the "healthy" diet/lifestyle we were pursuing and start completely from scratch.  I can't follow Whole 30 or Paleo because a good portion of what we eat under those plans are now not allowed.  Are we going to get enough nutrients on a low nickel diet?  What is healthy now?

It's been easy to get overwhelmed with all the effort that is going into learning right now.  Learning about a low nickel diet, learning what has nickel in it, learning about all the other things I'm pursuing right now.  More than any of those, I'm learning to humble myself.  I hate feeling dumb.  I hate feeling like I don't know what I'm doing.  I absolutely hate feeling like I'm doing something wrong.  And right now I feel all those things.  It requires humility to set aside my need to "have it all together" and be a student.  It requires humility to give our silent struggle to God instead of holding onto it so we can compare how much harder we have it than anyone else.  

What things are you struggling to set aside to be a student?  What does being a student mean to you?  Does it immediately conjure up images of youth, ignorance or weakness?   Whether you're struggling with comparing yourself to the seemingly healthy masses and wondering why you, or whether you are struggling to humble yourself as you learn to do better, you can do this.  One step at a time, in the chunks you can handle with God's help.  

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Comparison - What's Important

We're back to comparison this week for a very good reason.  It's a complex issue and there is a lot to discuss.  Two weeks ago we discussed whether comparison was Inspiration or Pitfall.  Last week we asked the question, Is Comparison Always Bad?  This week I want to focus on what's important about it.  The why and how.

com·pare

kəmˈper/

verb

1. 1.

   estimate, measure, or note the similarity or dissimilarity between.

   
   

   "individual schools compared their facilities with those of others in the area"

   
   

   synonyms:

   contrast, juxtapose, collate, differentiate "we compared the data sets"

What do you think of when you hear the word "Comparison"?  Books and sermons encourage me to set aside comparison and be content, which sounds right.  Comparison was always presented to me as a bad thing because it meant you were comparing yourself negatively to someone else.  A simple definition of terms can help clear some things up but this week we are going to hone in on why it is important and the reminder that keeping our focus on God is vital.  How we deal with comparison is important because trying to stop doing it altogether isn't really possible and leads to frustration, or worse, ignoring the problem.  We can, however, use comparison properly and safely.  

If we are ultimately trying to imitate Christ, to be more like Him, there are some steps we need to take.  

1. Observe the provided example
2. Assess your current starting point
3. Make note of areas where you are not meeting the standard, ie compare yourself to the provided example
4. Begin educating yourself on how to improve
5. Practice

The list is a little tongue in cheek, especially considering that this sounds like a business assignment, not a life posture.  But think about it.  If you want to learn how to do something, or do it better, what do you do?  You look for an example to follow.  I think it's important to remember that self assessment is part of working out our faith just as much as it is in learning piano or how to shave a cat.  

Philippians 2:12 English Standard Version (ESV)

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,

More than that, self assessment requires that we know the standard of our faith.  If we are to be imitators of Christ then it is vital that we know Him.  Deeply, intimately know Him.  
Know the sound of His voice.

John 10:27 English Standard Version (ESV)

27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

Know the way that He moves.

Matthew 20:26-28 English Standard Version (ESV)

26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,[a] 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,[b] 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Know where He moves.

Matthew 16:24 New International Version (NIV)

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

And so much more...

It is possible to look at fellow believers, rejoice in their differences, and ask ourselves where we can follow their good example.  It is vital for us to look at what God has asked us to do and compare our lives to the life He describes.  There is a difference between an honest assessment and envious discontent. 

Here is what's important to remember.  

Making yourself feel one way or the other about yourself will always be the wrong choice.  If you look at someones life and breath a sigh of relief because at least you're not as bad as them, that's not good. If you look at someone's life and deflate in defeat because how could they possibly have their life together and you don't, that's not good.  Comparison always becomes a negative when we use it to feel falsely about ourselves.  Comparison in the form of self assessment can sometimes feel convicting or uncomfortable but it should be honest and based on God's truth.  We know the negatives and they can be quite destructive to both relationships and health.  It is one of the many cages we put ourselves in without noticing because we think the comparison "means" something.  We assign meaning which we think affects our value in the eyes of the world, ourselves and God.  It doesn't.  Our value in God's eyes is set.  How freeing it is to to step outside of our emotional responses to what we think the comparison means and see it for the opportunity it is.  The opportunity for conviction.  The opportunity to learn and grow.

We look to those more experienced to teach us how to improve but only when we look to be teachable.  When we allow ourselves to be teachable, to see areas of comparison and conviction as learning opportunities, we can stand in awe of what the Lord will do.  


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