JD's Guide to Surviving Travel Companions

Sometimes surviving the adventure can be hard.  Last week, we talked about surviving disappointment in The Adventure Continues.  This week we're going to talk about surviving travel companions, conflicting personalities and exhaustion fueled tension on an adventure.

Whether you're traveling with a spouse, children, siblings, parents, in-laws or friends, when more than one person is thrown into the pot of stress that is travel, you are going to have challenges.  There is a tricky balance that can be achieved so that everyone is having a great adventure.

The first trick to surviving companions is Awareness.  

I don't mean the laser focus on the other persons annoying personality, selfish thoughtlessness or their trouble making antics.  I mean self awareness.  Often, we over react to other people because we aren't aware of what is happening inside ourselves. Something riles us and we start escalating.  After my last big adventure my spouse and I were talking about some reactions we had to each other that didn't speak love (that's our nice way of saying we were not nice to each other, me more than him).  Through the course of the conversation we were each able to explain to the other why we had gotten upset.  I explained that I think of him as smart, way smarter than me, and it didn't make sense to me when what was obvious to me wasn't obvious, or even noticeable, to him.  Additionally when he doubted me in the areas where things were obvious to me, it was like he was confirming that I was dumb.  To him, being smart was his identity in a family full of macho guys and creative gals.  Being able to contribute and help with technology reinforced that feeling of being a useful individual.  Each of us, being able to identify the "baggage" that was causing our reactions to each other totally reframed the situation. Now I knew that my husband wasn't doubting my usefulness or intelligence, he was trying to be helpful.   Being aware that your feelings are getting hurt because of how your interpreting the other persons action is the first step in stopping any escalation.  It's also important to be aware of the other persons needs, proclivities and wants in a practical sense.  If your travel companion is hurting physically, unlikely to tell you what they want to do or is just plain tired, they are going to react totally differently.  Knowing that a kiddo is tired and over reacting makes it much easier to be patient.  Knowing that an adult is hurting means you'll be able to make accommodations and therefore make the adventure accessible to everyone. 

That leads us to the second trick; Grace.

I bet you thought I was going to say patience didn't you.  Patience is great, and it is necessary, but grace is the next step because it carries with it compassion and empathy.  Grace is the free and unmerited favor of God.  As followers of Christ, we are meant to emulate Him.  We are also told to love others as we love ourselves.  Giving grace to your travel companion really means loving them through the tension.  It's about letting go of your "right" to be sick and tired of the shenanigans.  We often justify our annoyance and wear it like a badge of long-suffering.  Here's the thing, you can choose.  You can choose to enjoy where you are at and the person/people you are with.  You can choose to love them unconditionally.  You did choose to go on the adventure with them after all. 

The third trick is an oldie but a goodie, Compromise.

Everyone gets set in patterns of the mundane.  For families, it means you learn where those lines are and then you move on.  You suddenly throw yourself into an adventure into the unknown and it's like we forget how to compromise.  My best advice is to openly communicate before the adventure.  Make your plans together.  Know what your top priorities are and make sure, if at all possible, everyone gets to do their most desired adventure.  If you don't have time for everyone's top activity, or your travel companions are a bit mercurial, then you work towards a middle ground.  I know that sounds simple, but it can be.  Prepare for compromise, reset your expectations and make sure that everyone is on the same page.  

But what do when your travel companion won't compromise, is too young to moderate their selfish inclinations or is hurting too much (mentally or physically) to recognize their overreactions?

Here is the final trick.  This is the big one.  The key.  It comes in two parts.  Relax and Follow Where God Leads.

This bears repeating...RELAX.  It's not that big a deal.  Whatever it is, it's not that big a deal.  Ultimately, adventures can't be scheduled, planned out or regulated.  Staying calm will go a long way to keeping your companions calm.  Ultimately, we know that God is in control of our journey.  Your adventure is not going "wrong".  It's going exactly how God intended.  It's important to remember you are a living testimony and how you react to your companions will speak volumes about your faith.  Set aside your expectations of how you thought things would go and embrace the adventure God has brought you.  

Take a breath.  
Count to ten.  
Take a walk. 
Schedule some alone time.  

Know yourself well enough to respond to what you need and communicate that to your companions kindly but honestly.  Extend love and compassion to your companions.  Actively work on everyone having a good time.  Most importantly, enjoy the adventure God has you on.  That's it.