The Fast is Over

For those of you that have been following along (Hi mom) I cut out technology six days a week and added in a noise fast for just over 40 days.  Why I decided to do this over NaNoWriMo I don't know.  I blame the fact that I didn't start it in November, it just lasted through November, so I forgot about national novel writing month until about a week before.  I've talked about why I entered into this fast but I thought I would share some of what I learned.

Fasting has been on the Christian radar for a while but the diet community has latched on to the idea as well, siting the benefits of intermittent fasting to give the body a break and reset your metabolism and supposedly give you more energy.

The principle has been a part of God's plan from the beginning.  During creation, God established a sabbath, when we would submit ourselves under God's sovereignty and rest.  Our minds and our bodies need these periods of rest. 

In a year where God has called me to rest, I was not terribly please to find God was asking me to give up more.  Resting is the worst, right!  I am so grateful my Patient Teacher hasn't given up.  We live in a world of indulgence.  Our culture is cluttered, over stimulated and impatient.  We don't even recognize how starved for silence we are.  Now that the fast is over I find myself longing for the simplicity of quiet time spent with my Savior.  Having the ability to distract myself doesn't mean that I should.  Having a long to do list doesn't mean I have to get them all done today.  Fasting reminds us that the priorities we have established aren't necessarily the right ones.  Taking a step back is a great way to reset. 

Reset your body, reset your mind.  What do you need a fast from?

What is Rest

I am finally going on a real adventure.  If you've been keeping up with my blog, this will sound very strange to you.  I've traveled a lot this year.  I have had tons of new and exciting things happen.  It all started when God gave me a glimpse into what He has for my future.  This doesn't happen to me very often.  God doesn't usually give me a heads up.  I know it's because I am firmly in the "Martha" camp.  When God gives me a nudge, I go into extreme prep mode.  I am so excited to have a plan to follow that I often forget my best resource and guide.  I suspect that is why, after giving me a glimpse into what He has planned, God asked me to rest.  I've talked about it on the blog, so I won't go over it again but I have been struggling this year with the question "What is rest?"  

It's been clear that God is convicting me about my definition of rest.  I fully confess that my definition of rest is "the chance to catch up".  Vacations, weekends away, I think of them as places to hide so I can finish the backlog of tasks that have built up because I couldn't say no to people.  I fear becoming lazy, or resting wrong, more than I have feared the Lord.  Over the last couple of weeks I have been having random encounters with Godly people in my life, and in my Bible study, that have brought this problem up.  

So I'm walking away.  I'm walking away from the need to fulfill any need I come across.  I'm walking away from technology.  I'm walking away from the list of things I have moved too far up on my priority list.  I am walking away from noise.  I have fasted from noise before, you can read about that here, and I expect it is going to be terribly hard.  Giving up the things I have attached my purpose and significance to is going to be hard.  That's the reason why I'm giving up all the things I distract myself with so I haven't had to address these things.  That's the reason why I have to give up these things so I can actually hear my God.

So, I am truly going on an adventure.  A quest into the deepest, darkest wilds.  I am going to leave the beaten path, the familiar trails of my life, and stop trying to make adventure happen.  I am going to dive into aloneness with intention.  To sit in the stillness.  It's going to be full of frustration, tears and sorrow but this adventure is going to teach me how to exchange those things for joy, contentment and the ability to recognize treasures of greater worth.  

Has the Lord been convicting you of something lately?  Is He asking you to do something you don't want to do?  I get it.  Let's do this together.  

Self Discovery on an Adventure: The Bad Stuff

I don't think I've made it clear to everyone that I recently got the chance to go on an adventure in Great Britain.  My group had been planning for about a year and we thought we were pretty well prepared (You can check out the previous installments here first and here second to see how that went). Travel is great because it's full of new experiences, sights and adventures.  It can also be full of exhaustion, confusion and short tempers.  In my pursuit of an adventure to find God in my everyday I discovered some things about myself in the testing ground that the trip became that I was pretty ashamed of.  So what do you do when you discover unpleasant things about yourself when you're supposed to be having an adventure?

My hubby and I went to Great Britain back in our second year of marriage with a friend.  It was an amazing opportunity and I really enjoyed myself.  We had a great time.  Here's the thing, our travel companion thought I had the worst time ever.  Why?  I was overweight and generally unhappy.  It was my normal at the time.  I was getting used to having a chronic illness and getting used to being a wife. 

Complaint was a normal part of my language.  I have since been called out for complaining which made me aware of what I thought was "sharing" and was really the symptom of a heart problem.  That first time to Great Britain was full of great memories but it was a great lesson afterward as I got feedback from my friend.  It made me aware of the attitudes I wear.  

This latest adventure to Great Britain was like a mirror of the first time.  I watched as my travel companion struggled and a completely unexpected thing happened.  I was impatient.  I am appalled to admit it.  Even now I feel ashamed of myself.  My previous esperience should have prompted me to greater understanding and compassion.  Instead, I kept trying to make things better with more planning, adjustments to the schedule, and trying to interact less with my companions.  The truth is, how I do things isn't how my companions did things.  While this led to further frustration, it didn't have too.  Once misunderstanding took root, every word seemed to have the potential to be hurtful.  I tried to fix it by talking less which ended up coming across as passive aggressive and sulky.  I hate those words.  They are ugly words and I hate imagining myself wearing them.

People wear all kinds of weird stuff when they go on vacation.  Stuff they would never wear at home.  Plaid beanies, Hawaiian shirts, lederhosen.  It seems we also wear our dirty laundry.  The secret things we say in the privacy of our minds that we dismiss at home because we can easily brush them aside.  In our safe places, in our familiar, we indulge in them like pieces of chocolate because we can be alone.  We don't have to constantly be on our best behavior.  On a trip, or outside our comfort zones, or during times of exhaustion and pain, there is no where to hide.  Those things we think in the privacy of our mind become an internal snide commentary that makes its way onto our face and out of our mouths.  

During the course of any adventure it is always wise to be aware of tensions and to ask yourself: 

1. Is my behavior adding to or subtracting from the experience we are having?
2. What lingering dark place in your heart came out of your mouth in a moment of weakness?
3. What am I going to do about it?

For Biblical and practical reasons the first thing you need to do about it is confess it to God and then go and apologize to your companions.  Getting it resolved gives everyone the best chance to reset and get on with having a great time.  Once that is done, I find it very useful to write it down and talk to God about it in detail.  While the immediate weakness of exhaustion and stress will go away, the underlying issue that it exposed is something you want to bring to the Light.

   

Discovering unpleasant things about yourself on an adventure gives you the gift of insight.  The opportunity to bring those things before the Lord, confess them, and ask Him to weed them out of your thought closet (to borrow a turn of phrase from Jennifer Rothschild).  It's hard, and it's ugly, but I can't think of a better memento to bring back from any vacation.

I hope my travel companions will look back on this adventure and forget the tensions, spats, pain and frustrations.  I hope they will remember the adventure for the exciting and new experience it was.  Either way, I know I'm praising God for using the adventure to teach me more about Him and who He wants me to be.    

JD's Guide to Surviving Travel Companions

Sometimes surviving the adventure can be hard.  Last week, we talked about surviving disappointment in The Adventure Continues.  This week we're going to talk about surviving travel companions, conflicting personalities and exhaustion fueled tension on an adventure.

Whether you're traveling with a spouse, children, siblings, parents, in-laws or friends, when more than one person is thrown into the pot of stress that is travel, you are going to have challenges.  There is a tricky balance that can be achieved so that everyone is having a great adventure.

The first trick to surviving companions is Awareness.  

I don't mean the laser focus on the other persons annoying personality, selfish thoughtlessness or their trouble making antics.  I mean self awareness.  Often, we over react to other people because we aren't aware of what is happening inside ourselves. Something riles us and we start escalating.  After my last big adventure my spouse and I were talking about some reactions we had to each other that didn't speak love (that's our nice way of saying we were not nice to each other, me more than him).  Through the course of the conversation we were each able to explain to the other why we had gotten upset.  I explained that I think of him as smart, way smarter than me, and it didn't make sense to me when what was obvious to me wasn't obvious, or even noticeable, to him.  Additionally when he doubted me in the areas where things were obvious to me, it was like he was confirming that I was dumb.  To him, being smart was his identity in a family full of macho guys and creative gals.  Being able to contribute and help with technology reinforced that feeling of being a useful individual.  Each of us, being able to identify the "baggage" that was causing our reactions to each other totally reframed the situation. Now I knew that my husband wasn't doubting my usefulness or intelligence, he was trying to be helpful.   Being aware that your feelings are getting hurt because of how your interpreting the other persons action is the first step in stopping any escalation.  It's also important to be aware of the other persons needs, proclivities and wants in a practical sense.  If your travel companion is hurting physically, unlikely to tell you what they want to do or is just plain tired, they are going to react totally differently.  Knowing that a kiddo is tired and over reacting makes it much easier to be patient.  Knowing that an adult is hurting means you'll be able to make accommodations and therefore make the adventure accessible to everyone. 

That leads us to the second trick; Grace.

I bet you thought I was going to say patience didn't you.  Patience is great, and it is necessary, but grace is the next step because it carries with it compassion and empathy.  Grace is the free and unmerited favor of God.  As followers of Christ, we are meant to emulate Him.  We are also told to love others as we love ourselves.  Giving grace to your travel companion really means loving them through the tension.  It's about letting go of your "right" to be sick and tired of the shenanigans.  We often justify our annoyance and wear it like a badge of long-suffering.  Here's the thing, you can choose.  You can choose to enjoy where you are at and the person/people you are with.  You can choose to love them unconditionally.  You did choose to go on the adventure with them after all. 

The third trick is an oldie but a goodie, Compromise.

Everyone gets set in patterns of the mundane.  For families, it means you learn where those lines are and then you move on.  You suddenly throw yourself into an adventure into the unknown and it's like we forget how to compromise.  My best advice is to openly communicate before the adventure.  Make your plans together.  Know what your top priorities are and make sure, if at all possible, everyone gets to do their most desired adventure.  If you don't have time for everyone's top activity, or your travel companions are a bit mercurial, then you work towards a middle ground.  I know that sounds simple, but it can be.  Prepare for compromise, reset your expectations and make sure that everyone is on the same page.  

But what do when your travel companion won't compromise, is too young to moderate their selfish inclinations or is hurting too much (mentally or physically) to recognize their overreactions?

Here is the final trick.  This is the big one.  The key.  It comes in two parts.  Relax and Follow Where God Leads.

This bears repeating...RELAX.  It's not that big a deal.  Whatever it is, it's not that big a deal.  Ultimately, adventures can't be scheduled, planned out or regulated.  Staying calm will go a long way to keeping your companions calm.  Ultimately, we know that God is in control of our journey.  Your adventure is not going "wrong".  It's going exactly how God intended.  It's important to remember you are a living testimony and how you react to your companions will speak volumes about your faith.  Set aside your expectations of how you thought things would go and embrace the adventure God has brought you.  

Take a breath.  
Count to ten.  
Take a walk. 
Schedule some alone time.  

Know yourself well enough to respond to what you need and communicate that to your companions kindly but honestly.  Extend love and compassion to your companions.  Actively work on everyone having a good time.  Most importantly, enjoy the adventure God has you on.  That's it.  

New Adventures

We're going to keep things short this week because I am coming back from another grand adventure.  Today, however, I'm going to share something I discovered on a mini adventure near to home.  It's just worked out this year that new adventure has accompanied my spiritual adventure.  I don't usually have this much excitement in my year but I am not going to complain.  As you may have guessed, I love adventure.  

I went on a hike up Mt. Cutler with my Holy Yoga group, Beautiful & Beloved.  I knew I wasn't supposed to be working my knees so soon but I was called to this group and this adventure.  

It was indeed a beautiful hike.  And I found myself reflecting on my time in the Sneffels Traverse.  I knew I wanted to take it easy on this hike and thankfully I was with a group of women who enjoy checking in on each others hearts and loved stopping to view the scenery.  
I found myself praising God for my health, for the ability to move and be in God's creation.  It always lifts my heart to remember to thank God for where I'm at physically, even when I'm suffering health issues.  This side of heaven I am in an imperfect vessel.  I will likely always suffer health issues until the Lord calls me home but I can sure be grateful for the health I do have.

I noticed something as I walked.  All along the trail and ground were broken and fallen pieces of the scenery.  Bits of pine and bush were littered on the ground.  

We've been having some very large hail storms.  Within site of this trail were some of the hardest hit.  Our zoo lost animals, had all the cars in their lot damaged and had 5 people brought to the hospital because of injuries from the hail.  The Broadmoor's golf course was pretty much destroyed by the divots from the hail.  There was property damage galore on the south side of town.  Flooding was a problem for many.

As I noticed the pieces of pine on the ground I noticed some were new, bright green and fragrant.  Some were old, brown and drying.  

It reminded me of a verse.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 English Standard Version (ESV)

8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 


Perhaps times of spiritual attack are part of the pruning process.  To knock off parts of us that are getting in the way of our growth.  

John 15:2 English Standard Version (ESV)

2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

That's where I'm going to leave you today.  I want to encourage you all to remember to look at the whole picture.  There was plenty of evidence of the storms that had passed through this region and if I had kept my head down and focused on the damage I would have missed the utter beauty I was walking through.  The same is true for my life.  If I focus on what I've lost in the midst of spiritual attack or discipline, I would miss the beauty of what God is doing in my life.  I can definitely acknowledge the damage, the loss, but I don't want to dwell there.  I want to glory in what the Lord will do because He is always working for my good.

Temper Tantrums

I was thinking about how rebellious we are as a species.  No matter how young or old, we all have moments where we have temper tantrums.  It came up as I was talking with a friend about health and the little ways we sabotage ourselves.

I myself am quite the stubborn lamb.  As a sufferer from chronic health issues I have tried almost all the things.  I have tried to politely smile and thank well meaning acquaintances who ask if I've tried A, B or C.  I have tried to shake off the comments about my health problems being my fault.  I have tried enough mainstream and alternative medicines to "fix" my issues that I've developed a bit of a problem.  I will only give any new "cure" a month.  Some of the suggested fixes are quite unpleasant and for me having a set end date was part of my mental defense for giving solution "x" every chance to work.  I would do everything they asked of me....for a month.  And when it didn't work, because let's face it, nothing had yet, I wouldn't be surprised and I wouldn't have invested hope falsely.

Sometimes what health professionals ask of us sounds so ridiculous.  At least it does to me.  I honestly believe (and therefore act out) that what they're asking of me couldn't possibly make a difference. This is apparently not uncommon.  The training my friend is going through to become a therapist is asking some great questions of her.  She was stuck on a particular one when we met for tea and so she asked me my opinion.

"What do you say to a client who is clearly not doing the work at home that you have assigned"

I understand the question from the clients side and after talking it through, she realized she did too.  We all have things that raise our hackles and set our stubborn feet.  We all, at every age and type, have little temper tantrums when we say in the privacy of our own minds, "Well, I'll show you!"   It's counter productive in the extreme and doesn't help anybody.

There are many ways that my stubborn streak has caused me harm.  My health being one of the biggest areas it has effected.  In order to prove to the therapist and "everybody else" that I'm not lazy, lying or faking it, I do everything they tell me even when it is painful and causing more health issues.  I don't talk about it.  They didn't want to hear me when I told them it won't work, then fine.  I'll show them!  Sometimes I completely ignore health workers advice because it sounds so far-fetched.  Like eating at specific times of the day....how could that possibly be the reason I'm not losing weight?!?

The real problem is that I have already decided that it's not going to work.  That belief effects the outcome.  It makes it more likely that I will not comply with what is being asked of me, either through omission or through stubborn belligerence.  It is ultimately a waste of my time and whichever health practitioner I am currently seeing.

Entering into any activity should always be done with eyes wide open.  Being on the lookout for red flags and warning signs is always wise.  We should be searching for God in the everyday and that means even the things we consider mundane.  It is always walking forward, searching actively....never with neck outstretched, heals dug in, weight shifting to our rumps.  Your stubbornness will never take you where you want to go.  It will only keep you where you are.

If where you're walking isn't working, then change your course, don't fight to stay where you are.

Jeremiah 7:24 ESV 

But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward.

Striving and Surrender

I attend a Holy Yoga class by Beautiful and Beloved.  I adore my Holy Yoga class.  I'm not a stretcher...in fact I find it the most sure torture in the world for me, but Yoga is strength and stretching all at once and it's been a good supplement (as long as I'm mindful of not going past my limitations) to my exercise routine for many reasons.

I don't want this to turn into an advertisement for yoga but I do want to give you a few of the reasons why I, as a Christian, participate in a traditionally mystical practice.  I'm never going to be able to convince all of you that our intentions are an important factor in any endeavor.  I don't go to yoga to align my chakras or meditate on the universe.  I know some have argued that if that was and is it's purpose then that's it's purpose no matter what my intentions.

No problem, I don't want to cause anyone to stumble, please stop reading.


The world loves to remind us that holidays we celebrate, everyday practices, habits and tools we use, were once used for evil purposes.  If you look hard enough you can be offended at everything.  Don't get me wrong.  We should be mindful, and if Yoga raises flags for you, then don't do it.   For me, it's exercise and a time to pray and honor the Lord by working on paying attention to the temple He's given me to care for.  I've been lucky enough to find Godly people who are trying to do the same thing.

Believe it or not, I'm going to get to the actual point now. 😉

During practice, our amazing instructor reads scripture at various points and sets our intention of focus as we meditate on the Lord.  I'm not sure what it was that week but the Lord kept bringing to mind the idea of yoga being an example of striving and surrender at the same time and I thought that was an apt analogy for our spiritual lives.  When I got home I tried looking up that idea but all the searches brought me to articles that admonished people to stop striving and surrender.  I get that wiser heads than mine have wrestled with the issues of setting aside our need for control which is very true.  We shouldn't be trying to take control out of God's hands.

but...

What if there's room in the definition of striving that is good and right for Christians to participate in?

What if striving and surrender aren't mutually exclusive?

As human beings we often tense up when we are striving physically.  Pushing a weight often leads to tension in parts of the body we aren't meant to be pushing with.  My trainer has had to tell me more than once to relax my shoulders while I'm doing a chest press.  I had a friend describe her labor to me in those terms.  She was trying, for the babies sake, to relax so she wouldn't hurt him as he was being born, while at the same time pushing to bring about the birth.  If that juxtaposition can be physically true, then why not spiritually?  While I am absolutely supposed to relinquish control to the sovereign God, that doesn't mean I sit like a lump until God drops things in my lap.  Life in Christ is a pursuit, an adventure and a quest.  I am to walk with God!  I am to seek Him, follow Him, pursue Him.  Those are not passive words.  There is a difference between seeking to get things done/make things happen and striving to see God in our every circumstance.  While I absolutely have to watch myself to avoid falling back into a to-do list toting "Martha", I absolutely should strive to become a "Mary".  In yoga, some of the most relaxed looking poses are the most active.  Every muscle is engaged.  That's what I want to strive for in my spiritual life as well.  Every fiber of my being engaged and focused, poised and ready for my Saviors call.

• If you're unfamiliar with the Biblical reference then the short story is Martha was serving the household by making sure food was on the table, drinks were in the cups, stuff was cleaned and hostess duties were being performed while her sister let her do all the work while she sat at Jesus feet.  When Martha ask Jesus to make her sister help her, Jesus told her that Mary had chosen better.  Jesus wasn't saying that physical practicalities weren't important or necessary...just that they weren't AS important or necessary. 

I don't cease striving because God is in control, I continue striving because God is in control.  What I strive for changes.  I don't strive to make things happen the way I want.  I strive to pursue what God wants, which is for me to know Him and to help others know Him better.  While God doesn't need my help to glorify His name, I am going to pursue that goal with abandon.  I will strive to praise Him, to glorify Him and to know Him.

I admit this might be an argument of semantics but I honestly believe it's possible to surrender control to a Sovereign God and actively strive to pursue Him.  Are there areas in your life that you need to give up your control of the outcome and instead strive for peace, patience or gratitude?

Treasure Hunt

I don't know about you, but I used to hear people say "I heard from the Lord..." and my heart would grimace a little.  I hadn't "heard" from the Lord...does anyone, really?  He doesn't speak with an audible voice.  Was it all just wishful thinking woo woo?  How could they know it was the Lord?

While some people use the phrase "I heard from the Lord" to give weight to their own decisions or opinions, I have to conclude that people have heard from the Lord.  He wants to communicate with us.  He says so in His Word.

While I've been studying God's word more and more, and practicing intimacy with God, I have started to understand what it means to hear from the Lord.  I'm doing about 4 different Bible Studies  for various reasons but ultimately because this is what God wants me to be doing to teach me to be still and know He is God.  As I move from one to the other and learn, I'm finding so many parallels and reaffirmed truths.  From different books of the Bible, different Bible Studies, He repeats Himself.  God orchestrated a specific message at this very moment in my life!  How amazing is that!!

So, today, after I had had my quiet time (which had built on the same message from my Bible Study the day before) and then gone to yoga (which had the same message from scripture) I went and sat in a coffee shop to finish up my Bible Studies and couldn't help but giggle.  Here's what I "heard" from the Lord.

Luke 11:9

9 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

It's not a new concept to me and probably not to you either.  I've read it in the various gospels and heard sermons on it many times over the years.  What was new to me is this.  I heard this message being repeated through various books of the Bible, various Bible Studies and from Godly people randomly speaking into my life and with each new repeat God had asked me to consider some questions.  As I answered the questions and asked my own, Luke 11:9 was the response from God's word.  

At first glance this verse seems very unrealistic.  No one ever gets everything they ask for.  I always saw this verse as a nice thought.  Surely, God meant that if I asked for what was in His will I would get it, but is that really true?  

1 John 5:14

14 And this is the confidence that we have before Him: If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15 And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we already possess what we have asked of Him.…

Again, these are all sermons I've heard before.  How to pray with confidence.  Don't worry, I'm not going to give you the same sermon. You see, part of getting a repeating message like this is personal meaning.  The verse that tells us to Ask, Seek and Knock...Jesus is speaking.  You can't get more direct words from the mouth of God than that!  He is teaching on prayer, that's true, but He's also teaching us so many more things at the same time.  He's teaching us about Himself, God the Father and the Holy Spirit.  Who they are and how much they love us. 

If this life is a great adventure, with the express purpose of knowing and glorifying God and helping others do so, then that's how we should be living and how we should be reading His word, right?  

So as I sat there this morning, two things occurred to me.  

1. Jesus spoke Luke 11:9 after the example of a persistent neighbor banging on the door for bread until the owner got up to give him what he asked for.  Classic squeaky wheel.  Think about it...What is God saying about prayer here?  I don't think He's telling us to be a squeaky wheel, so what then?  This is about persistence.  We pursue what's important and of great value to us. Unlike the Wizard of Oz, there is no humbug sitting behind a curtain ready to hand knowledge, courage and understanding to us.  Those things are gained through pursuit.  It's an adventure, a quest, a treasure hunt!  
2. If we are seeking and investigating God, we'll find Him.  If we are looking for His blessings, provision, protection and the works of His hands in our life...

We Will Find Them!

  

So let's go be pirates today!  Hunt down that treasure.  Look for the dotted line that takes you to the X.  Search for the clues. Investigate the mystery!  Take your eyes off the shiny baubles and stormy seas and pursue the real treasure...God!

yarn on the finger

What does a piece of string on the finger mean?  It was a way to remind yourself of something before iPhones and personal assistant devices.  People used to actually do this.  Tie a string or bit of yarn or ribbon around their finger to help them remember something.  Or at least to help you remember that you were suppose to remember something.

I was having quiet time this morning and thinking about how sweet my time with the Lord has been.  I can't remember a time when it has been this fulfilling and intimate and then it hit me.  I couldn't remember... Had I ever had a time of close relationship with the Lord and just forgotten?

I don't want to forget this time in my life.  It's amazing and precious and I have a suspicion it's going to have to sustain me for what is coming next.  So... how to remember.

This blog is a first step.  Writing it down so you can revisit the memory is certainly a good beginning.  Especially if you like re-reading your journal or blog entries.  I do.

The last time I wanted to remember something important, God was bringing me to a lot of passages telling the story of the standing stones of Israel and how they were supposed to be a reminder for generations of what the Lord had done for Israel.  We made stepping stones and stamped in verses and put in meaningful bric-a-brac to remind us of God's provision and adoption.

Mulch has mostly covered them over the years and painful memories have kept me from spending time thanking the Lord for how he has moved in our past, present and will move in our future.  I'll be sweeping those off and doing so now.  I'll continue to explore this idea of remembering what the Lord is doing so I don't forget later.

In the meantime, how do you remember what the Lord has done for you?

Beginnings and endings

It has been a very long time since I could say I've had a good start to the year.  I really can't remember a time I had a great end to the year.  I am fully aware that I am a pessimist (or as any pessimist would say, a realist).  I don't know about you, but by the time I get to the end of the year all the little stresses, drama and things that go wrong set me in a mental place that says "this has been a crappy year".  Does that happen to you?  A few things going wrong at the end of the year color how I see the rest of the year and really set my mentality for the coming year.  I've allowed this pattern to continue unnoticed for years.  Looking back now I can see that this was a result of exhaustion from over working myself all year and the stress of expectation at the holidays.  Can anyone relate?  I can look back at it because this year was different.  Beautifully, wonderfully different!

Here's what changed.

I have some amazing women of God in my life.  I have been blessed, even though they are now in different states, to continue to study the word of God with them.  Last year we read a book on advent which was really good.  This year, to continue the practice of anticipation of the coming Savior, we decided to practice gratitude.  Every day in the month of December we would text each other something we were thankful for.

It was GLORIOUS!

Not only did I search my days for something to be thankful for, even the bad days, I got to share in the joy of my friends.  As I searched my days for gratitude, I found it.  That gratitude allowed me to look back on the rest of my year with the same.  It's even spilled over into how I am starting my new year.  I have never had such a close, vibrant walk with the Lord.  (There are a couple reasons for this but for the purposes of this blog it all started with an attitude of gratitude)  

I've been told over the years that thankfulness and gratitude were necessary to a vibrant life.  My grumpy Gus self grimaced at this.  I was not required by the Lord to be happy, I only had to have Joy.  Joy is a choice, not an emotion I would smugly say.  Yeah, I know...sad.  I was.  I still struggle with sorrow.  But today, and for the last month and a half, I have had joy.  I've had abundant life!  I've even been....giddy.  While the happy, giddy excitement may be gone tomorrow, the practice of joy and gratitude will stay with me.  I feel light because I have exchanged my burdens of worry, stress and annoyance for the much better gift of gratitude.  

For those of you who are not predisposed to joy...it's okay, you can get there.  For those of you who have happy in the bag, good on ya.  This will still help you.  Whether you've set your resolutions for the year or not you can still set goals and intentions that will help you throughout the year.  So here's my challenge to you.

Find someone you can email, text or talk to every day for 30 days.  Every day, share with each other something you're thankful or grateful for.  If you don't need a full 30 days (to be honest I think everyone could use a gratitude refresher)  or if you have done a 30 day and need a gratitude booster, then try a 7 day.  Don't worry if some of your hard days leave it hard to find something to be thankful for, search anyway and come up with something.  I kid you not, one of my days I shared that I was grateful I was sick on Christmas.  I meant it.  I was grateful.  It took me a month of practice to get there but the previous hard days had taught me to search every new situation for something to be thankful for so I had something to share.  You can too!

Keep at it and by all means, tell me how it goes!

One of the hardest things I've ever done

A grave and terrible thing has happened to me.  God asked me to take a sabbatical.

I'll wait while you all recover your breath.

I know the primary purpose of this blog is to discuss the unique challenges and joys of being a servant minded individual and it is.  Part of that purpose includes knowing when to take a break.  I've written a few blogs on taking care of yourself so you don't pour out until you can't give any more.  The Lord had been putting the idea of sabbatical on my mind for a while, I just wasn't getting that He was talking to me. Last September, God made it clear He was asking me to give up my volunteer activities.  Over the month of October and November I was busy wrapping things up and writing for NaNoWriMo (which I completed this year, yay me!).  It was by December, when I was looking at my full calendar and overwhelming to do list, that I realized I hadn't done what God had asked me to do.  He wanted me to stop everything.  To take a real and true break.  A sabbatical.  I have to tell you, this has been beyond challenging.  It's been incredibly difficult to explain to people.  It's been hard to justify to myself.  My identity has been wrapped up in being useful.  Of having purpose.    I thought taking a pause from volunteering for the month of September would be it, but as the year proceeded to a close, I wasn't getting any new instructions from the Lord.  As I paused my busy schedule to ask Him, it hit me.  I wasn't standing still long enough to hear from the Lord.  I have been such a Martha. It's my normal bent to be sure.  I don't ever want to be accused of being lazy but more than anything I don't want to be thought of as useless.  It's shaped how I even view "rest".  So I started my year with a mental reset.  I've pared down my to do lists, I've given up my idea of useful and replaced it with what is needful.  It's meant a lot of Bible study, a few naps and filling my life with few things more complicated than keeping my house neat and clean.  

I know this is a time of preparation.  For what, I can only guess.  I'm trying not to guess in earnest because thinking too far in the future defeats the purpose of listening to what God is saying in my present.  Thinking too far in the future often invites fear into my life.  I assume if God has to give my life pause to prepare me it must be for something huge, difficult, exhausting or hurtful.  It also gives me time to doubt.  To doubt God is asking something of me, to doubt my ability to accomplish it. All of these mental gymnastics are ultimately all part of the prep.  To shake off the doubt, to get in step with where the Lord is moving, to put on the full armor of faith and to be fully rested and able to endure whatever is coming.  This season could be as simple as getting my body healthy again or it could involve a whole new season or state in life.  *shrug* Doesn't really matter.  This time of rest means that I can practice being on board with trusting God completely with my future.  Granted, I'm still working on the being still part.  

As you think about your new year and what your intentions and hopes and resolutions are, consider resolving to rest and be still.    

Salt Lake Comic Con 2017

 This year we went all out on costumes.  For some unknown reason, other than our apparent desire to torment ourselves, we decided to create two new group cosplays.  One for the contest and one for us.  I gave you an update a while back on our plan but things evolved as they often do.

My husband shaved his head.  I can't remember why he did it and I can't seem to recall if the costume idea inspired the head shaving or if it came about after he shaved his head.  In any case, he wanted to be Emperor Ming.  I think you would agree with me that it was very successful.  




Since my hubby wanted to be Ming, I had to decide between General Kala and Princess Aura.  Since I am not a small woman, most of Aura's costumes were just not going to be in my comfort zone.  Kala worked out great and and I was quite comfortable.  We didn't get many photo requests this year but more than any other year people would smile or stop us to talk about how they loved this movie as a kid.  Peoples faces lit up when they saw us.  That was pretty awesome.  We were scrambling to get all the costumes done and I couldn't have done it without my friend Bonnie's help.

 My favorite part was when someone asked us for a photo and my brother, playing Flash Gordon, was in the background trying to fit in and the guy taking the photo was getting really annoyed this random bozo was photo bombing us.  He finally realized we were all together and felt bad.

 My hubby built our lightsabers from scratch.  I made my lekku using a paper model and painting dragon skin silicon over it.  I sewed all of my hubby and I's costumes including making my very first pattern and my hubby did all the armor.

So now we get to the costume contest.  *sigh*  It was not my favorite part.  It took all but 3 hours of the day.  A day for which we paid admission and got to see nothing of the Con.  Waiting in line for my brother's judging, moving the line, getting moved again, being moved to a side room, finally being called in to get photos, going back to waiting, being called back in for registration, going back to the room to wait, being called back in to stand in line for judging, brother getting judged, going back into the room to wait for group judging....it was a long day.  We also had no chance of winning.  People asked me why I was sneering in every photo....a couple of reasons, but the top two are...

1. I was annoyed. My lip just kept doing that on it's own.
2. This stuff hurt after a while....not bad but my lekku and custom balaclava were tight to help keep fiber fill stuffed dragon skin on my head.  Don't get me wrong, I thought it looked cool, but by the end of the day I had bruises on my forehead and jaw. 

 There were some absolutely breath taking costumes even in the amateur category but the group cosplays were ridiculously out of our talent range.  The winning group costume was Cinderella and the two step sisters which looked great.. It got even better when they ripped and tore the custom dress they had made for Cinderella on stage to reenact the scene from the movie exactly.  I don't know how they did it but it was all on purpose.  They did it several times during the judging contest and they just reset it.  It was awesome.

Over all we accomplished exactly what we set out to do.  We tried new skills, we tried a new experience and we went out with a bang!  We sure learned a lot of how not to do things but we also were pretty proud of what we put together.