Today I was grabbing my donation box before I headed to the ministry and just felt that urge once again to get rid of all the junk. To declutter and down size. I was late so I fought off the urge to do it right then but as I stood in the closet, wondering if there were any quick decisions to add to the donation pile, my eye landed on the baby stuff. My hand lifted of its own accord to stroke the soft baby blanket and pull out one of the adorable outfits. The question played again in my head...should I get rid of it now? I mentally probed at my heart and noted, it hurt less. The reasons why people keep things is complicated and full of questions like: What if I need it someday? Will the gifter notice I'm getting rid of it? Does it have ancestral value?
So when I get home, I'm going to pack up the beautiful, soft things I might have put a child in...my child in. I might shed a few tears but they will only be the memories of a hurt. I'm grateful and blessed that God has orchestrated my life in just this way, hurt and all. I used to wonder when I was little why God was trying to toughen me up so much. What hurt was he preparing me to endure if that was part of the journey. I understand now that tests and trials are about pruning and refining.