Comparison - What's Important

We're back to comparison this week for a very good reason.  It's a complex issue and there is a lot to discuss.  Two weeks ago we discussed whether comparison was Inspiration or Pitfall.  Last week we asked the question, Is Comparison Always Bad?  This week I want to focus on what's important about it.  The why and how.

com·pare

kəmˈper/

verb

1. 1.

   estimate, measure, or note the similarity or dissimilarity between.

   
   

   "individual schools compared their facilities with those of others in the area"

   
   

   synonyms:

   contrast, juxtapose, collate, differentiate "we compared the data sets"

What do you think of when you hear the word "Comparison"?  Books and sermons encourage me to set aside comparison and be content, which sounds right.  Comparison was always presented to me as a bad thing because it meant you were comparing yourself negatively to someone else.  A simple definition of terms can help clear some things up but this week we are going to hone in on why it is important and the reminder that keeping our focus on God is vital.  How we deal with comparison is important because trying to stop doing it altogether isn't really possible and leads to frustration, or worse, ignoring the problem.  We can, however, use comparison properly and safely.  

If we are ultimately trying to imitate Christ, to be more like Him, there are some steps we need to take.  

1. Observe the provided example
2. Assess your current starting point
3. Make note of areas where you are not meeting the standard, ie compare yourself to the provided example
4. Begin educating yourself on how to improve
5. Practice

The list is a little tongue in cheek, especially considering that this sounds like a business assignment, not a life posture.  But think about it.  If you want to learn how to do something, or do it better, what do you do?  You look for an example to follow.  I think it's important to remember that self assessment is part of working out our faith just as much as it is in learning piano or how to shave a cat.  

Philippians 2:12 English Standard Version (ESV)

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,

More than that, self assessment requires that we know the standard of our faith.  If we are to be imitators of Christ then it is vital that we know Him.  Deeply, intimately know Him.  
Know the sound of His voice.

John 10:27 English Standard Version (ESV)

27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

Know the way that He moves.

Matthew 20:26-28 English Standard Version (ESV)

26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,[a] 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,[b] 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Know where He moves.

Matthew 16:24 New International Version (NIV)

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

And so much more...

It is possible to look at fellow believers, rejoice in their differences, and ask ourselves where we can follow their good example.  It is vital for us to look at what God has asked us to do and compare our lives to the life He describes.  There is a difference between an honest assessment and envious discontent. 

Here is what's important to remember.  

Making yourself feel one way or the other about yourself will always be the wrong choice.  If you look at someones life and breath a sigh of relief because at least you're not as bad as them, that's not good. If you look at someone's life and deflate in defeat because how could they possibly have their life together and you don't, that's not good.  Comparison always becomes a negative when we use it to feel falsely about ourselves.  Comparison in the form of self assessment can sometimes feel convicting or uncomfortable but it should be honest and based on God's truth.  We know the negatives and they can be quite destructive to both relationships and health.  It is one of the many cages we put ourselves in without noticing because we think the comparison "means" something.  We assign meaning which we think affects our value in the eyes of the world, ourselves and God.  It doesn't.  Our value in God's eyes is set.  How freeing it is to to step outside of our emotional responses to what we think the comparison means and see it for the opportunity it is.  The opportunity for conviction.  The opportunity to learn and grow.

We look to those more experienced to teach us how to improve but only when we look to be teachable.  When we allow ourselves to be teachable, to see areas of comparison and conviction as learning opportunities, we can stand in awe of what the Lord will do.  


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Comparison - Is it always bad?

Last week we talked about comparison as a tool that can be used for both negative and positive thought but I've been seeing a lot of talk about comparison lately that clearly believes comparison is always a bad thing. Is it?

Maybe it's the word "comparison" that has gotten a bad reputation over the years.  The english language is complicated and english speakers tend to assign nuance that was never part of the definition of the word.  We see the negative extreme that human beings go to with comparison and we, perhaps rightly, assume comparison is bad.

So if the word "comparison" gives you pause, let's try some different words.  Assesment, watchfulness, reasonableness, imitation. That word sounds familiar does it.  We are to be imitators of Christ.  

Ephesians 5:1-2 English Standard Version (ESV)

5 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.  

Children emulate their parents or guardians and even adults continue to pick up manerisms from the people they spend time with.  Good or bad, comparision is something that we all do.  I still honestly believe that the foundation of dealing with comparision is recognizing God in your "dull" moments.  Those places that feel lacking when negatively comparing yourself to someone else won't feel lacking when you suddenly see how full of God those moments are.

The real question we should be asking ourselves is whether or not the comparison you are making is imitation of a good standard or envious longing.  So, let's talk about how to assess whether your comparisons are healthy or harmful.

Who are you comparing yourself too?

Galatians 1:10 English Standard Version (ESV)

10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant[a] of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:12 English Standard Version (ESV)

12 Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

We often read verses like the ones above and nod our heads; yup, don't compare yourselves to others, got it.  Comparison = bad
But...

1 Corinthians 4:15-17 English Standard Version (ESV)

15 For though you have countless[a] guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. 16 I urge you, then, be imitators of me. 17 That is why I sent[b]you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ,[c] as I teach them everywhere in every church.

1 Corinthians 11:1-2 English Standard Version (ESV)

11 Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

Paul himself encouraged the church to be like him.    So what's does Paul mean?  It sounds like he's saying "be like me, but nobody else".  Not quite.  Notice who he tells us not to compare ourselves too.  Braggarts, or in other words, people who think they're awesome.  People who are trying to look good to other people.  

As he says in 1 Cor 4:15, we have many guides.  While it's true it's best to imitate Christ there are cultural bumps in our road that sometimes need navigation.  I'm sure you can think of a few good examples of Christ like behavior from modern day believers.  In a fallen world it can immensely encouraging to see brothers and sisters in Christ living a Godly life.  The destination is still Christ but having people to walk that path with, and point you in the right direction when you need a nudge, is a good thing.

Are you delving into envy?

Comparison is one of those tools that is bottom heavy.  We're always going to tend to go too far, to slide to an extreme, towards negativity.  I don't know about you but I engage in a lot of negative self talk.  For me, comparison usually leads to a negatively balanced conversation that I use to show myself, yet again, that I suck.  Despite this tendency I still honestly believe that comparison doesn't have to be negative.  It's not always bad.  But it sure is easy to go bad.  God is very clear about not gazing with envy at our neighbors stuff.  The shift towards sin in the comparison equation is when we begin to long for what we don't have instead of longing for our Savior.  I can look at my Savior, and Godly examples, and recognize areas I need to work on, with the Spirits prompting, without becoming lost in the disappointment of constant failure to live up to a perfect standard.  But maybe that's the difference.  Are you trying to live up to or live in?  Are you creating a fantasy of perfection to live up to or are you living in the reality of what God says is true.  No matter which Godly example you thought of earlier, they are still sinners struggling with their own stuff.  We create an idealized fiction and then wonder why we can't have/be/do/live like they do.  

Comparison can be the beginning of dreams, inspiration or conviction when we are striving to be imitators of Christ.  Our childlike desire to be like our papa will be His delight no matter how poor our attempt.  So let's talk about this some more next week. I know this is an issue I need to keep exploring for myself and I hope this is helping you ask yourself some important questions too.  


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Comparison - Inspiration or Pitfall?

Greetings you awesome people!  God has been working on something in me for a while and so today I'd like to talk about comparisons.  There are a couple reasons for this.  

One -  the blogging/writing word demands that you self promote until your sick of yourself, and the idea you ever wanted to be a writer in the first place, much less have time for actual writing.  All of this means you are constantly looking at other peoples stuff so that you can figure out how to do the blogging/writing thing better.  

Two -  it's a common problem.  It isn't reserved exclusively to us creative, writer types either.  It feels pretty impossible not to compare ourselves to others.

The problem of comparison is a tricky one because it has some slippery slopes that lead most people to recommend you avoid the hill all together but that's not really practical.  Learning and growing usually requires reference material.  Looking at a reference means you are looking at someone with more skill than you.  In fact, Jesus is our ultimate reference material.  The ideal to which we strive but will never attain on this side of heaven.  Not to mention we are observational creatures.  We look around.  We see stuff.  Some of that stuff is what we want for ourselves.  It can inspire, or it can lead us into a pit.

One of my groups of Bible Study ladies felt prompted to start a study on this subject and so we went and picked up the new Lifeway Study, Rachel & Leah.  At the time we decided to start this study, each of the ladies in my group shared how they were struggling with comparision in their lives.  For me, it was looking at all these well put together websites, social media accounts and blogs.  It was observing those who had acheived a level of success in writing and recognizing my lack of skill in comparison.  It was disheartening.  What's worse, I didn't think I had a comparison problem until I was prompted to share.  

This is going to be a mini review of the study itself because the journey that my group is on can't be communicated without sharing how we're interacting with the Bible Study.  

We don't like it.  Each of us has struggled to get meaning or insight or connection with any part of this study.  Some of that is because we just think differently than the author.  Some of it is because my ladies have been in consistent Bible Studies for decades and this study is just not our speed.  It doesn't erase the need or the prompt we've had to address our comparision issues.  We are praying this study has impact because it's a neccessary topic but we've been disappointed that this wasn't the huge revelation we expected when God lead us to this study.

Well, God wasn't finished with me yet.  My husband and I just started attending a new church in our area and in the bulletin was an invitation to a Summer Ladies Small Group covering the book, Unseen.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to join.  I knew from the description I saw of the book that this is what I needed to continue the learning process of addressing comparison in my life.  I'm only two chapters in at this point but I can tell you God is building a lesson plan for me.  A side quest on my adventure.  A beautiful reminder that what I see as delays on my journey towards something amazing or significant aren't delays at all.  

Comparison can be a tool that you use to inspire yourself; to give you hope that, with endurance and practice, you too can reach your goal.  It can also be a tool you use to build envy, resentment, despair and surrender.  

There are many ways to combat negative comparision but I'm going to start with what I believe is the foundation.  As I have been reading Unseen, I began to look at how I viewed my mundane moments. If my mundane, nowhere, "normal", boring moments are actually the perfect opportunity to hang out with my best friend, that changes everything.  Doing chores is so much more enjoyable when done with a friend nearby to have a conversation with.  

And suddenly we aren't comparing our lack against someone else's bounty because we are full up!  Your bounty may be different than mine but we can rejoice in our mutual abundance!  

God is always going to be the catalyst to a healthy view of your life.  I can look at my friends immaculate taste in design and sigh with joy or sigh with envy. I'd rather sigh with joy and share in the look on God's face as He looks with love on His precious daughter.

I do recommend you pick up Unseen.  I invite you to join me in reading it.  Let's talk!  Your invited to come on the journey with me.

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