Strangely Dim

I opened up my journal for the fist time in a while this morning and was dismayed by what I found. As I was flipping through the pages I noticed that there were whole sections that were starting to disappear. I was distraught and then I noticed which pages had started to fade. My Gratitude Journal, What I learned from God Today and What I heard from the Lord were all suffering a slow shift into invisibility.

It made me think about that old hymn...and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. As that song went through my head it occurred to me that the opposite can be true. When my gaze is on the world, or even myself, the things of God grow strangely dim. They begin to fade from my notice. I've been reading Bible Studies, going to church and pursuing the path I am convinced God has me on. I had been enduring some spiritual attacks and was fighting off my doubts with truth. What I hadn't been doing was remembering my first love.

Revelation 2:2-4 New King James Version (NKJV)

2 “I know your works, your labor, your [a]patience, and that you cannot[b]bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; 3 and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. 4 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

It had been a while since I had cracked open those front sections. The back half of my journal, populated by the prayer requests, questions and brainstorming section, were perfectly fine. This disparity made me examine the kind of relationship and conversation I was having with a God who wants to be closer than a brother. I love asking questions and I have no problem recognizing my lack of knowledge. I love brainstorming. I love thinking about the paths of stories, ideas for connections and inspiration. I even love writing down prayer requests as an act of love and care to those people who share their hearts with me. All good things but all very empty without conversation with God and a deep and growing relationship that gives context and focus to everything else.

For me, life has gotten a little overwhelming and my tendency is to hunker down and hold on. I know the truth that God is sovereign and in control but I forget that He knows my heart. I don't have to grit my teeth and bear up under. He wants to hear from me. My strength won't sustain me, His will. This moment of watching a physical manifestation of my intimate relationship with God fading from inattention was a wake up call. As my attention focused on the reason and source of my faith, instead of the working out of it in my life, I heard a sweet and clear call to come away with Him. To worship and converse together, just the two of us.

I went through and refilled in every fading letter that morning while I studied God's Word. I had a closer time with the Lord than I have had in a while. I did still have some big questions come up as I learned about who God is a little bit deeper but I was able to ask and learn because God was revealing Himself to a friend.

How God is calling me away with Him is totally out of my comfort zone. It is an adventure I have never experienced and while I keep trying to remind myself that it will be physically painful it doesn't seem to overwhelm the sense of excitement I feel about going away to be alone with God and worship.

It's appropriate that the song that came to mind is called "Turn your Eyes upon Jesus" because that is exactly what I'm going to do.  Will you join me in falling in love with our Savior today. To run, giggling, into His arms.  To go on a date and gaze lovingly into His face.  It's worth every moment away from "real" life because God doesn't want what you can do for Him, He wants you!

Further listening "Strangely Dim" by Francesca Battiselli

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Comparison - Inspiration or Pitfall?

Greetings you awesome people!  God has been working on something in me for a while and so today I'd like to talk about comparisons.  There are a couple reasons for this.  

One -  the blogging/writing word demands that you self promote until your sick of yourself, and the idea you ever wanted to be a writer in the first place, much less have time for actual writing.  All of this means you are constantly looking at other peoples stuff so that you can figure out how to do the blogging/writing thing better.  

Two -  it's a common problem.  It isn't reserved exclusively to us creative, writer types either.  It feels pretty impossible not to compare ourselves to others.

The problem of comparison is a tricky one because it has some slippery slopes that lead most people to recommend you avoid the hill all together but that's not really practical.  Learning and growing usually requires reference material.  Looking at a reference means you are looking at someone with more skill than you.  In fact, Jesus is our ultimate reference material.  The ideal to which we strive but will never attain on this side of heaven.  Not to mention we are observational creatures.  We look around.  We see stuff.  Some of that stuff is what we want for ourselves.  It can inspire, or it can lead us into a pit.

One of my groups of Bible Study ladies felt prompted to start a study on this subject and so we went and picked up the new Lifeway Study, Rachel & Leah.  At the time we decided to start this study, each of the ladies in my group shared how they were struggling with comparision in their lives.  For me, it was looking at all these well put together websites, social media accounts and blogs.  It was observing those who had acheived a level of success in writing and recognizing my lack of skill in comparison.  It was disheartening.  What's worse, I didn't think I had a comparison problem until I was prompted to share.  

This is going to be a mini review of the study itself because the journey that my group is on can't be communicated without sharing how we're interacting with the Bible Study.  

We don't like it.  Each of us has struggled to get meaning or insight or connection with any part of this study.  Some of that is because we just think differently than the author.  Some of it is because my ladies have been in consistent Bible Studies for decades and this study is just not our speed.  It doesn't erase the need or the prompt we've had to address our comparision issues.  We are praying this study has impact because it's a neccessary topic but we've been disappointed that this wasn't the huge revelation we expected when God lead us to this study.

Well, God wasn't finished with me yet.  My husband and I just started attending a new church in our area and in the bulletin was an invitation to a Summer Ladies Small Group covering the book, Unseen.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to join.  I knew from the description I saw of the book that this is what I needed to continue the learning process of addressing comparison in my life.  I'm only two chapters in at this point but I can tell you God is building a lesson plan for me.  A side quest on my adventure.  A beautiful reminder that what I see as delays on my journey towards something amazing or significant aren't delays at all.  

Comparison can be a tool that you use to inspire yourself; to give you hope that, with endurance and practice, you too can reach your goal.  It can also be a tool you use to build envy, resentment, despair and surrender.  

There are many ways to combat negative comparision but I'm going to start with what I believe is the foundation.  As I have been reading Unseen, I began to look at how I viewed my mundane moments. If my mundane, nowhere, "normal", boring moments are actually the perfect opportunity to hang out with my best friend, that changes everything.  Doing chores is so much more enjoyable when done with a friend nearby to have a conversation with.  

And suddenly we aren't comparing our lack against someone else's bounty because we are full up!  Your bounty may be different than mine but we can rejoice in our mutual abundance!  

God is always going to be the catalyst to a healthy view of your life.  I can look at my friends immaculate taste in design and sigh with joy or sigh with envy. I'd rather sigh with joy and share in the look on God's face as He looks with love on His precious daughter.

I do recommend you pick up Unseen.  I invite you to join me in reading it.  Let's talk!  Your invited to come on the journey with me.

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