Wednesday, September 24, 2014

It's weird

You know what's weird.  One of the shows I have really loved over the last couple of seasons is "Call the Midwife"  Normally I would avoid a show about babies like the plague, and trust me the show is lousy with babies.  Perhaps I'll be able to articulate it better when  I'm not crazy on medicine but this might be close.

The main character's beau had just died and she was mourning and about to walk away from everything.  Start making life changing decisions and just start running.  Running from the pain and loss.  Instead the sisters and her friends and fellow midwifes asked her to take a break, get away some place safe, even from them, but not to make any permanent decisions and they would all be there when she got back and the above quote was one of the last things they said to her.  
I saw that quote today after a hard pain day and it was a nice smile.  A "just keep swimming" thought as Dorie would say.  I'm finding that's about the extent of my strength these days.  Just keep swimming...just keep living...just get home...just keep reading...just get to the end of the day.  Me being pitiful sure doesn't diminish God's greatness and boy am I glad.  The smaller I get, the more I have to give up to him.  He's taking it.  The more I give up control of the more I realize it didn't need my control in the first place.  This is a good lesson to be reminded of.  My life right now feels like I'm in a place of deepest mourning.  I hurt all over, my mind is reeling with doubts and weeping and I am exhausted beyond reason. I only think of it because I found the parallel of the above quote so poignant this morning.  
Anyway.  Shaking that off.  Today is a day of service.  I was going to write about that.  Perhaps I'll write about it tomorrow.  

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