Thursday, September 18, 2014

1 sheepies....2 sheepies

I have never understood the idea of counting sheep to draw you into sleep. If my sheep were jumping the fence I would be out of bed so fast! 

They could be ravaged by dogs or lost or hurt! I've always had a hard time falling asleep. Even when I was a little girl I would have to listen to a tape to fall asleep. Granted I would read as long as I could get away with. I got myself into so much trouble reading. I'd be so tired in the morning. heh. As I get older my insomnia is getting less and less funny. I lay in bed for 3 hours last night praying God would help me fall asleep. I've tried every mental trick I've ever been taught, every mental technique to relax. I've tried sleeping pills and muscle relaxants but I've never been able to advocate counting sheep. Those poor little lambs jumping the fence to wander the dream lands without a shepherd....nightmare. I'm so tired, tired means headache. 
In better news I was able to get a hold of the neurologist and tell him I've been struggling. It's always better to feel like someone knows you're struggling and to have a plan. I know how long we're going to pursue this plan now and how long I have to endure on the present course before we try something new. I'm glad for that. I think I'm starting to scare John. He's actually talking about getting me medical cannabis. I have to admit I'm reaching the ragged edge of my endurance. I can never tell if the edge is getting closer or further away. Is the pain and stress strengthening the edge or fraying it? They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but the truth is you hope it destroys the parts of you that need to be burned away in the fire and replaces them with the refined gold that God wants to be there. I'm praying that the blurry edge of my endurance is the shimmering glow of the forge that God has placed at this moment of my life. I pray that I will be present with Him as He works to refine burn away the chaff, because I feel like I'm catching fire and it's not romantic.
The other positive thing about an 18 hour migraine...weight loss. Lost two pounds yesterday. See....isn't that awesome! Not gonna lie....I'm a little afraid to eat today. Still have a headache and I'm not feeling 100%.

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