Friday, September 26, 2014

holes and humility

When I was younger I went for a short while to Cedarville college.  It's University now but it was just a beautiful college back then.  We were required to attend a certain amount of chapel which I wish I had taken more advantage off but I was battling and learning things other than college had to teach me at the time.  I still remember one of the few chapels I went to had a guest speak that told a story about asking God to teach him humility.  In response, in the middle of whatever group of people the speaker was in at the time, his pants ripped a hole right int he middle of them.  It was a funny story for almost everyone in the room.  I think the speaker went on to talk about humility vs embarrassment and he must have had some wisdom about divorcing our self image from service and place others needs paramount.  I honestly don't remember what he said next, because my mind was caught in the thought "How could I ever ask God to humble me if he would answer like that".  Faith is a living a growing thing in a persons life and one of the largest tentacle monsters in mine was the moment that question formed.  It has taken me over a decade to take back the fear that my mind created about that one question and to lay it before the Lord and finally ask for humility.  You see one of my big stronghold sins is pride.  It's a self deprecating pride so it seems okay to most people but it's pride.  It's a pride that is quick to talk it's self down first but in just the right way so no one else can speak truth about it.  It hides in the darkest places of my psyce.  Does this sound ominous yet?  Don't worry, I'm bringing it around.  I eventually learned, through hesitant experimentation, to ask God to humble me.  My God, who knows me better than anyone ever will, didn't humiliate me to teach me humility, or at least he hasn't yet.  Yesterday, I ripped a hole in my pants bending down to bring things back in the house and I instantly thought of humility and I was reminded of my pride and it was gentle and it wasn't humiliating at all and I loved my God for his tremendous care in knowing how to grow and shape me in just the right way.
So my pride about fitting into smaller pants slipped right out that hole without exposing my dignity.  And that helps me remember what that guest chaplain said next so many years ago.  "Humility does not equal humiliation"
1Cor 1:25 just came up on my Bible reading today and it seemed to flow really well in my mind

Do you get to a point in diets where you just want to have comfort food?  I've been there for what it seems is forever.  It's not as bad on this diet because I'm still allowed some starches so I don't have to feel hungry and dissatisfied which is nice.  I'm down to 202.  I still haven't gotten to the gym regularly because I'm lethargic all the time and busy as all get out.  I'm still eating healthy most of the prescribed times a day.  When I'm having a bad pain day I really don't want to eat anything.  I guess it's working but I'm too tired to be excited about it and when I get all happy I fit into stuff I rip a hole in it ;)

I have time for an intro I think.  I titled the blog the way I did because my husband and I don't have children so the next questions people ask me after "Do you have kids?" is always "So what do you do/Where do you work?" It's a natural assumption.  It's a conversation starter.  I admit I get a little defensive.  When you tell people you volunteer a's like ice cream for the brain.  They think well that's a nice treat, a good filler, fills in the cracks.  There's a cut off in peoples brains that dictates if you're not getting paid for it, it must be worthless.  This is flawed thinking, but who would challenge it.  So I started telling people I'm a professional volunteer.  I realize using the term professional dictates that I make a living at it but I feel justified if it makes someone pause long enough to realize I volunteer longer hours than most people get paid to work.  Besides, not all payment is paycheck.  I think the subject of volunteering and the constant need  that charitable organizations have to try and entice people to help them is a problem I am seriously interested in putting some thought into.  The poor old folks that make up the majority of the volunteer force of most charitable organizations must be replenished.  How do you teach people to care about others in a selfie world?  Care enough to do something.

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