When the Joy Fades

Something hit me this week.  I almost forgot I was living an adventure.  It's so easy to do in the midst of the every day but in that moment I recognized I didn’t have as intimate a relationship with God as I had been experiencing.  If you’ve been following my blog you know I was on a high of epic proportions.  I was having such an amazing time of intimacy with the Lord I was giddy with joy and it was intoxicating.  In that state I asked God if I was not obeying His direction to clear my schedule of tasks and just rest in Him.  In response I delayed one of my Bible Studies and two of the others canceled their meetings for the week due to weather.  I thought to myself, this is a direct reflection of how much God loves me.  He cleared my schedule,  I didn’t have too.   I found myself in the glorious place where I had no Bible study homework for a whole week!  Then one of my studies canceled again and I walked into that next week without opening God’s Word at all.  I had forgotten Him, let my mind wander to amusements to occupy my mind and mundane tasks.  I no longer was full of joy, exuberant with energy as I went on the treasure hunt to find God.  I can feel the difference to my very core and the loss was...profound.  That time of intimacy is over...for now. 

It seems so innocent now.  God gave me a gift which I loved and cherished and then let that gift take my eyes off of my Savior.  I slide away because I wasn’t spending time with God.  Was it a sin to take a break from so many Bible Studies, no.  Was it a sin to make that gift an idol that replaced my God, yes.  I knew that time of intimacy with my Savior would come to an end some day and God had already planted the seed to create a reminder of that time.  My mother used to tell me when I came back from summer camp all jazzed up and on fire for the Lord that not all of life was a mountain top experience.  (Mine were literal and figurative) We will have troubles, we will pass through valley’s and we will have the treacherous climbs up and down those breathtaking peaks.  Our lives are a series of different seasons.  They flow and ebb and change. 

The treacherous climbs and dark valleys are part of the journey.  God doesn’t sit us on the mountaintops forever because we won’t grow.  What I learned during my time of intimacy with God will bolster me on the road ahead and give me the foundation which God will test and try as He sets it firmly in my soul.  He will hammer and shove and shimmy that stone until it is level.  

I know I’ll get back to that time of intimacy.  I know God will continue to teach me.  Preparing my soul for the next climb up to the mountain top where I will once again gaze lovingly and uninhibited at my Lord’s face.  I hope it’s soon.  I miss that giddy sensation but I know eventually that “feeling” would become an idol as well.  If you haven’t been feeling as close to God lately, search for why.  Is it because you have forgotten Him in the midst of your everyday, is it because there is a blockage, is it because God is trying to teach you He is still present and you just have to trust and believe?  Start searching for Him again.  You will find Him and every new discovery will bring you closer to recognizing Him in your every day.

Temper Tantrums

I was thinking about how rebellious we are as a species.  No matter how young or old, we all have moments where we have temper tantrums.  It came up as I was talking with a friend about health and the little ways we sabotage ourselves.

I myself am quite the stubborn lamb.  As a sufferer from chronic health issues I have tried almost all the things.  I have tried to politely smile and thank well meaning acquaintances who ask if I've tried A, B or C.  I have tried to shake off the comments about my health problems being my fault.  I have tried enough mainstream and alternative medicines to "fix" my issues that I've developed a bit of a problem.  I will only give any new "cure" a month.  Some of the suggested fixes are quite unpleasant and for me having a set end date was part of my mental defense for giving solution "x" every chance to work.  I would do everything they asked of me....for a month.  And when it didn't work, because let's face it, nothing had yet, I wouldn't be surprised and I wouldn't have invested hope falsely.

Sometimes what health professionals ask of us sounds so ridiculous.  At least it does to me.  I honestly believe (and therefore act out) that what they're asking of me couldn't possibly make a difference. This is apparently not uncommon.  The training my friend is going through to become a therapist is asking some great questions of her.  She was stuck on a particular one when we met for tea and so she asked me my opinion.

"What do you say to a client who is clearly not doing the work at home that you have assigned"

I understand the question from the clients side and after talking it through, she realized she did too.  We all have things that raise our hackles and set our stubborn feet.  We all, at every age and type, have little temper tantrums when we say in the privacy of our own minds, "Well, I'll show you!"   It's counter productive in the extreme and doesn't help anybody.

There are many ways that my stubborn streak has caused me harm.  My health being one of the biggest areas it has effected.  In order to prove to the therapist and "everybody else" that I'm not lazy, lying or faking it, I do everything they tell me even when it is painful and causing more health issues.  I don't talk about it.  They didn't want to hear me when I told them it won't work, then fine.  I'll show them!  Sometimes I completely ignore health workers advice because it sounds so far-fetched.  Like eating at specific times of the day....how could that possibly be the reason I'm not losing weight?!?

The real problem is that I have already decided that it's not going to work.  That belief effects the outcome.  It makes it more likely that I will not comply with what is being asked of me, either through omission or through stubborn belligerence.  It is ultimately a waste of my time and whichever health practitioner I am currently seeing.

Entering into any activity should always be done with eyes wide open.  Being on the lookout for red flags and warning signs is always wise.  We should be searching for God in the everyday and that means even the things we consider mundane.  It is always walking forward, searching actively....never with neck outstretched, heals dug in, weight shifting to our rumps.  Your stubbornness will never take you where you want to go.  It will only keep you where you are.

If where you're walking isn't working, then change your course, don't fight to stay where you are.

Jeremiah 7:24 ESV 

But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward.

Secrets Revealed

Some time ago I vaguely hinted that I had been asked to participate in a secret project that I was very excited about.  It's about time I revealed it to all of you for two reasons....

1. It's in print and available for purchase.
2. It's launched a new season in my life.

What is "IT" you ask?  Good question.  

Introducing Overcomer, a Journal of Hope for Women who Hurt.

Kim has said this project was a God thing and it was.  Even the bits I got to contribute came from a heart prayerfully asking God what He wanted me to say.  I was blessed and excited to be a part of it and I am so happy to be able to share it with all of you.  Whether you need a place to work through your story of trauma or you know someone who needs it, I can personally recommend this book.  

My friend Kim is an amazing author but more than that she is an amazing woman of God.  Before I knew she was an amazing author she spoke God's truth into my new marriage and into my walk with Christ and she is one of dearest people to my heart.  I would encourage you to visit her website for many reasons, including her other books, but also for the information she shares about fighting human trafficking and struggling with chronic illness.  

(You can find her website here http://www.kimberlyrae.com/)

Getting to contribute to this work has sparked a new desire to write.  You may have noticed an increase in the regularity of my posts.  I couldn't have had a better launching pad than this book.  So wait with me and see what the Lord does!  Let the Adventure begin because Overcoming obstacles is all part of the grand quest!

Striving and Surrender

I attend a Holy Yoga class by Beautiful and Beloved.  I adore my Holy Yoga class.  I'm not a stretcher...in fact I find it the most sure torture in the world for me, but Yoga is strength and stretching all at once and it's been a good supplement (as long as I'm mindful of not going past my limitations) to my exercise routine for many reasons.

I don't want this to turn into an advertisement for yoga but I do want to give you a few of the reasons why I, as a Christian, participate in a traditionally mystical practice.  I'm never going to be able to convince all of you that our intentions are an important factor in any endeavor.  I don't go to yoga to align my chakras or meditate on the universe.  I know some have argued that if that was and is it's purpose then that's it's purpose no matter what my intentions.

No problem, I don't want to cause anyone to stumble, please stop reading.


The world loves to remind us that holidays we celebrate, everyday practices, habits and tools we use, were once used for evil purposes.  If you look hard enough you can be offended at everything.  Don't get me wrong.  We should be mindful, and if Yoga raises flags for you, then don't do it.   For me, it's exercise and a time to pray and honor the Lord by working on paying attention to the temple He's given me to care for.  I've been lucky enough to find Godly people who are trying to do the same thing.

Believe it or not, I'm going to get to the actual point now. 😉

During practice, our amazing instructor reads scripture at various points and sets our intention of focus as we meditate on the Lord.  I'm not sure what it was that week but the Lord kept bringing to mind the idea of yoga being an example of striving and surrender at the same time and I thought that was an apt analogy for our spiritual lives.  When I got home I tried looking up that idea but all the searches brought me to articles that admonished people to stop striving and surrender.  I get that wiser heads than mine have wrestled with the issues of setting aside our need for control which is very true.  We shouldn't be trying to take control out of God's hands.

but...

What if there's room in the definition of striving that is good and right for Christians to participate in?

What if striving and surrender aren't mutually exclusive?

As human beings we often tense up when we are striving physically.  Pushing a weight often leads to tension in parts of the body we aren't meant to be pushing with.  My trainer has had to tell me more than once to relax my shoulders while I'm doing a chest press.  I had a friend describe her labor to me in those terms.  She was trying, for the babies sake, to relax so she wouldn't hurt him as he was being born, while at the same time pushing to bring about the birth.  If that juxtaposition can be physically true, then why not spiritually?  While I am absolutely supposed to relinquish control to the sovereign God, that doesn't mean I sit like a lump until God drops things in my lap.  Life in Christ is a pursuit, an adventure and a quest.  I am to walk with God!  I am to seek Him, follow Him, pursue Him.  Those are not passive words.  There is a difference between seeking to get things done/make things happen and striving to see God in our every circumstance.  While I absolutely have to watch myself to avoid falling back into a to-do list toting "Martha", I absolutely should strive to become a "Mary".  In yoga, some of the most relaxed looking poses are the most active.  Every muscle is engaged.  That's what I want to strive for in my spiritual life as well.  Every fiber of my being engaged and focused, poised and ready for my Saviors call.

• If you're unfamiliar with the Biblical reference then the short story is Martha was serving the household by making sure food was on the table, drinks were in the cups, stuff was cleaned and hostess duties were being performed while her sister let her do all the work while she sat at Jesus feet.  When Martha ask Jesus to make her sister help her, Jesus told her that Mary had chosen better.  Jesus wasn't saying that physical practicalities weren't important or necessary...just that they weren't AS important or necessary. 

I don't cease striving because God is in control, I continue striving because God is in control.  What I strive for changes.  I don't strive to make things happen the way I want.  I strive to pursue what God wants, which is for me to know Him and to help others know Him better.  While God doesn't need my help to glorify His name, I am going to pursue that goal with abandon.  I will strive to praise Him, to glorify Him and to know Him.

I admit this might be an argument of semantics but I honestly believe it's possible to surrender control to a Sovereign God and actively strive to pursue Him.  Are there areas in your life that you need to give up your control of the outcome and instead strive for peace, patience or gratitude?