Failing Forward

I think I've failed.  It's the first day of the second month and I'm pretty sure I failed.  I expect to do that a lot this year.  Last year felt like such a success.  I learned, I prepared, I rested and I completed.  When I was praying about my resolutions for 2019 I was nervously excited for the direction God was leading.  As I was asking God what He wanted me to work on, and set as my intention, He brought those three awful words: 

Fail with Grace 

UGHHHHHH!  I do not fail gracefully.  I have a little tiny hiccup and then I give up in a huff and get depressed.  At least that's been my pattern for a very long time.  I tend to bury my head like an ostrich in the sand of my own negative self talk.  

The lessons God has planned for us are intentional, well timed and for our good.  I have been working on breaking the habit of capitulating at the first hint of difficulty for a long time.  So I know, this year is a test.  A chance for me to see my progress, practice the lessons God has taught me and develop healthier reactions.  It requires that I am keeping my head up and my thoughts aware of how I am dealing with the challenges of learning, making mistakes and stumbling over obstacles.  

Failing with grace is the act of failing forward.  It's the intention of failing without castigating myself.  The power to chose hope over despair.  

Failure has the special challenge of misdirection.  Failure is used by the enemy to shine a spotlight on our shortcomings and mistakes.  Our enemy loves to point out our failures in every aspect of our lives.  If it doesn't cause us to stop in our tracks immediately, then it certainly gets us focused on the wrong thing and walking in the wrong direction.  A failed connection with a potential friend can send you into a tailspin trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why no one likes you.  It may lead you to the conclusion that putting work into a friendship isn't worth it.  It may cause you to strike out in anger.  What those trains of thought forget is that God uses failure to shine a spotlight on what God is doing.

God is ALWAYS going to glorify His name and is working for our good, which is just a fancy way of saying God is always teaching us.  Always.

Failure often makes us feel inadequate but that feeling often leads to the false conclusion that we can't do it at all.  Whatever that "it" is for you, trying looking at your failure through God's spotlight.  Is it calling you to endure?  Teaching you how to do better?  Showing you a different way?  Calling you to a new task?  Convicting you of sin?  Reminding you to show grace, to yourself and others?  Giving you the opportunity to be a witness?

So, my goal this year is to see my failure from God's perspective and not the enemies.  Not to see my failures as the end of the road, but just another step in the learning process.  How about you?  How do you view failure?  I'd love to hear from you!

Temper Tantrums

I was thinking about how rebellious we are as a species.  No matter how young or old, we all have moments where we have temper tantrums.  It came up as I was talking with a friend about health and the little ways we sabotage ourselves.

I myself am quite the stubborn lamb.  As a sufferer from chronic health issues I have tried almost all the things.  I have tried to politely smile and thank well meaning acquaintances who ask if I've tried A, B or C.  I have tried to shake off the comments about my health problems being my fault.  I have tried enough mainstream and alternative medicines to "fix" my issues that I've developed a bit of a problem.  I will only give any new "cure" a month.  Some of the suggested fixes are quite unpleasant and for me having a set end date was part of my mental defense for giving solution "x" every chance to work.  I would do everything they asked of me....for a month.  And when it didn't work, because let's face it, nothing had yet, I wouldn't be surprised and I wouldn't have invested hope falsely.

Sometimes what health professionals ask of us sounds so ridiculous.  At least it does to me.  I honestly believe (and therefore act out) that what they're asking of me couldn't possibly make a difference. This is apparently not uncommon.  The training my friend is going through to become a therapist is asking some great questions of her.  She was stuck on a particular one when we met for tea and so she asked me my opinion.

"What do you say to a client who is clearly not doing the work at home that you have assigned"

I understand the question from the clients side and after talking it through, she realized she did too.  We all have things that raise our hackles and set our stubborn feet.  We all, at every age and type, have little temper tantrums when we say in the privacy of our own minds, "Well, I'll show you!"   It's counter productive in the extreme and doesn't help anybody.

There are many ways that my stubborn streak has caused me harm.  My health being one of the biggest areas it has effected.  In order to prove to the therapist and "everybody else" that I'm not lazy, lying or faking it, I do everything they tell me even when it is painful and causing more health issues.  I don't talk about it.  They didn't want to hear me when I told them it won't work, then fine.  I'll show them!  Sometimes I completely ignore health workers advice because it sounds so far-fetched.  Like eating at specific times of the day....how could that possibly be the reason I'm not losing weight?!?

The real problem is that I have already decided that it's not going to work.  That belief effects the outcome.  It makes it more likely that I will not comply with what is being asked of me, either through omission or through stubborn belligerence.  It is ultimately a waste of my time and whichever health practitioner I am currently seeing.

Entering into any activity should always be done with eyes wide open.  Being on the lookout for red flags and warning signs is always wise.  We should be searching for God in the everyday and that means even the things we consider mundane.  It is always walking forward, searching actively....never with neck outstretched, heals dug in, weight shifting to our rumps.  Your stubbornness will never take you where you want to go.  It will only keep you where you are.

If where you're walking isn't working, then change your course, don't fight to stay where you are.

Jeremiah 7:24 ESV 

But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward.

Striving and Surrender

I attend a Holy Yoga class by Beautiful and Beloved.  I adore my Holy Yoga class.  I'm not a stretcher...in fact I find it the most sure torture in the world for me, but Yoga is strength and stretching all at once and it's been a good supplement (as long as I'm mindful of not going past my limitations) to my exercise routine for many reasons.

I don't want this to turn into an advertisement for yoga but I do want to give you a few of the reasons why I, as a Christian, participate in a traditionally mystical practice.  I'm never going to be able to convince all of you that our intentions are an important factor in any endeavor.  I don't go to yoga to align my chakras or meditate on the universe.  I know some have argued that if that was and is it's purpose then that's it's purpose no matter what my intentions.

No problem, I don't want to cause anyone to stumble, please stop reading.


The world loves to remind us that holidays we celebrate, everyday practices, habits and tools we use, were once used for evil purposes.  If you look hard enough you can be offended at everything.  Don't get me wrong.  We should be mindful, and if Yoga raises flags for you, then don't do it.   For me, it's exercise and a time to pray and honor the Lord by working on paying attention to the temple He's given me to care for.  I've been lucky enough to find Godly people who are trying to do the same thing.

Believe it or not, I'm going to get to the actual point now. 😉

During practice, our amazing instructor reads scripture at various points and sets our intention of focus as we meditate on the Lord.  I'm not sure what it was that week but the Lord kept bringing to mind the idea of yoga being an example of striving and surrender at the same time and I thought that was an apt analogy for our spiritual lives.  When I got home I tried looking up that idea but all the searches brought me to articles that admonished people to stop striving and surrender.  I get that wiser heads than mine have wrestled with the issues of setting aside our need for control which is very true.  We shouldn't be trying to take control out of God's hands.

but...

What if there's room in the definition of striving that is good and right for Christians to participate in?

What if striving and surrender aren't mutually exclusive?

As human beings we often tense up when we are striving physically.  Pushing a weight often leads to tension in parts of the body we aren't meant to be pushing with.  My trainer has had to tell me more than once to relax my shoulders while I'm doing a chest press.  I had a friend describe her labor to me in those terms.  She was trying, for the babies sake, to relax so she wouldn't hurt him as he was being born, while at the same time pushing to bring about the birth.  If that juxtaposition can be physically true, then why not spiritually?  While I am absolutely supposed to relinquish control to the sovereign God, that doesn't mean I sit like a lump until God drops things in my lap.  Life in Christ is a pursuit, an adventure and a quest.  I am to walk with God!  I am to seek Him, follow Him, pursue Him.  Those are not passive words.  There is a difference between seeking to get things done/make things happen and striving to see God in our every circumstance.  While I absolutely have to watch myself to avoid falling back into a to-do list toting "Martha", I absolutely should strive to become a "Mary".  In yoga, some of the most relaxed looking poses are the most active.  Every muscle is engaged.  That's what I want to strive for in my spiritual life as well.  Every fiber of my being engaged and focused, poised and ready for my Saviors call.

• If you're unfamiliar with the Biblical reference then the short story is Martha was serving the household by making sure food was on the table, drinks were in the cups, stuff was cleaned and hostess duties were being performed while her sister let her do all the work while she sat at Jesus feet.  When Martha ask Jesus to make her sister help her, Jesus told her that Mary had chosen better.  Jesus wasn't saying that physical practicalities weren't important or necessary...just that they weren't AS important or necessary. 

I don't cease striving because God is in control, I continue striving because God is in control.  What I strive for changes.  I don't strive to make things happen the way I want.  I strive to pursue what God wants, which is for me to know Him and to help others know Him better.  While God doesn't need my help to glorify His name, I am going to pursue that goal with abandon.  I will strive to praise Him, to glorify Him and to know Him.

I admit this might be an argument of semantics but I honestly believe it's possible to surrender control to a Sovereign God and actively strive to pursue Him.  Are there areas in your life that you need to give up your control of the outcome and instead strive for peace, patience or gratitude?