Resolution Revolution

It's time for a resolution revolution.  It's time to take this question seriously once again.  So here we are, standing on the raggedy edge of 2018...are you ready for change?

Now that we've learned from our successes and our failures, how do we resolve to make resolutions differently?  (If you haven't read the previous two blog posts, I highly recommend starting there) I was talking to my spouse about resolutions and asked if he had made any.  His skepticism brought a pseudo sneer to his face as he admitted he hadn't because he didn't see the point.  A lot of people have relegated resolutions to the 'pointless' category.  It seems I'm not the only one to be frustrated by failure in this area.  I have talked the previous two weeks about why resolutions are valuable, so let's proceed on the assumption that they are.  How do we do things differently in 2019?  How do we set ourselves up for success? 

Forethought

I think it bears repeating that the place to start is by thinking about it in advance and resolving to check in with yourself periodically to see if you need to alter course.  Don't be flippant with your resolution. Preparation not only helps develop habits it also starts the momentum in a forward direction toward your goal.  It's about settling your mind on a new course before you settle your body into new habits.  Part of thinking about your resolution in advance is giving yourself the opportunity to manage your expectations.  I'm not talking about settling for less than, I'm talking about identifying what your expectations are and working out for yourself if your expectations are reasonable or desirable.  Forethought also gives you the ability to prepare yourself for change.  Settle your mind on the fact that this is a learning experience, not a prize you are trying to attain. 

Resolution is defined as a firm decision to do or not do something; or the action of solving a problem, dispute or contentious matter

Endurance

Resolutions are about endurance.  A large part of why resolutions are valuable is because the by product of attempting a resolution is going to be endurance.  If you are training for a marathon you may only get a quarter of a mile today (or the end of the driveway) but tomorrow, next week, next month, you will get farther.  Even if you have never completed a year long resolution doesn't mean you shouldn't attempt one at all.  Practice doesn't make perfect but it does make endurance.  Couldn't we all use a little more sticktoitiveness?  Yes!  I can't tell you how often I missed out because I gave up too early.  I can bet you have too.  If your resolutions have been a bust in the past, consider looking back and evaluating if you learned anything from the experience.  Test and see if maybe you are just a little bit better at enduring this time around as a result.  A huge part of resolve is mental.  You can go further than you think, do more than you know, because God has created something amazing.  Your mind is a stubborn, strong willed thing.  Why not use that strength for something good?  Good gifts like this from our heavenly Father can be used and abused by our flesh and the enemy but that doesn't me we shouldn't use them for fear of their misuse. 

Balance

Resolutions are never meant to consume you.  Resolutions are supposed to encourage you to reach outside of your normal sphere.  To stretch, to put forth effort.  It is not meant to encourage you to jump off a cliff.  Let's be smart about this.  If you want to make a resolution for the new year then keep balance in mind as you set your goal.  How much time do you have to commit on a daily, weekly or monthly basis?  Is your resolution about achieving a prize or about developing a habit?  Is your resolution about bragging rights or intentionality?  Is your resolution going to improve you or your situation?  Is it valuable, reasonable or beneficial?  Is it inward or outward focused?  Finally, ask yourself how you are going to monitor yourself.  Are you going to ask someone to be your mentor and accountability partner so you can meet and discuss where you're at once a month?  Are you going to keep a journal?  What questions are you going to ask when considering your resolution? 

Resolve to think about your resolution differently

Lets do something different.  Let's use our resolution, our endurance, to see life differently, to push us out of our comfort zones and be an encouragement and not a condemnation.  This is not a pass or fail test, this is a journey.  You are committing to walking towards a goal.  There is no first place and loser position.  This is about opening ourselves to a different perspective.  It's about agreeing with God that we need to grow and change.  It's about acknowledge that we aren't done learning even if we're done with school.  Stop thinking of resolutions like a test and start thinking about them as a lesson.   

🕜🕝🕞🕟🕠🕢🕣🕤🕥🕦🕧💥

It's about time we did things differently, don't you think?  How is it that resolutions have become a joke we only think about once a year?  I hope this series has made you think about next years resolution but I'm also secretly hoping that it has inspired you to a little rebellion.  To rebel against the prevailing apathy towards resolve.  To fight against the powers that would take our endurance and make it a laughing matter.  It's time to storm these heights again and take back our dignity!  Will you join me?  Viva la resolution!

Resolution Rebound

So maybe things didn't go as well as you hoped this year.  Your resolutions were left in the dust months ago and you've been beating yourself up ever since.  Whether your goals for this year were forgotten, failures or weights that have felt like a burden, there is still value in them.

So...how'd ya do?  I don't mean "did you complete your resolution".  That's what we usually ask ourselves, right?  If we think to ask ourselves at all.  While there is definitely something to be celebrated in the question 'how far did you get' (no matter how far that was) that's not really the best question.  As a recovering perfectionist, I failed attempts at resolutions, when I made them, and eventually I gave up.  Why bother to attempt something you keep failing at?  What's the point?  I failed them because I wouldn't (couldn't) do them perfectly, whatever that elusive ideal was.  Resolutions are valuable because we all know at our core that being stagnant is not good.  Being the same makes us feel stuck, trapped, and to some that is an allusion to death.  No one likes feeling mired.  God is calling us toward him.  It is an act of movement.  Resolutions are meant to bump us out of our ruts and back on track.  Following the well worn path won't bring fulfillment, it will only bring drudgery.

Too often we get bound up in our performance and forget that resolutions aren't meant to fix what is broken in us, only God can do that.  Resolutions are meant to prompt us to assess habits that may not be serving us any more.  If your resolution was to lose weight, don't only ask yourself if you lost weight.  Ask the better questions, like: did you try new things, did you try and form new habits, did you bring self awareness to an issue in your life and did you learn something from the experience.  Looking at how you did through that lens will bring less fruitless self condemnation and more helpful analysis. God has taken great care to teach me to look at failures as the teaching opportunities they are.  So no matter how far your got towards your resolution I want to encourage you to take a healthy look at how you did.

Let's begin by identifying what result you were actually trying to achieve.  For me, I wanted to practice my craft, invest my talents to God's glory and develop good writing habits.  If I'm being completely honest I will have to include that a little part of me wanted to become famous, succeed and cultivate a following in a meaningfully visible way and that I would have it all figured out.  If you hadn't guessed, I am not famous.  (Praise the Lord for his great and wondrous blessings!)  I don't have a following and I do not have it figured out.  If I looked at this years resolution through the negative lens of my flesh, I have failed.  I don't have anything to "show" for what I have done this year, at least not by the standards of the flesh.  That's not true of course, I have done what I set out to do.  It just doesn't look like what I thought it would look like.  Examine yourself honestly.  Are you disappointed in your resolutions because you were secretly hoping for something else?  Are you hoping for something to show?  A gold star that you can wear with pride?  Most of us are just hoping for change but the insidious unspoken expectation is, what are we going to change in to?  It's dangerous to think of our resolutions like a chrysalis from which a butterfly will emerge.  They are instead classrooms and training grounds.  Our learning will not be done.  Let's move away from the desire to check our resolutions off like a to-do list and instead, move towards the adventure they are meant to be.

So what worked?  What didn't?  As you think about this years resolution, and think about what goals you want to make for next year, it's important to assess how you make your resolutions as much as to assess what those resolutions are.  Are you goals too vague?  Too unreasonable?  To small?  To undefined?  Too dependent on chance?  Were you too focused on the wrong thing?  Did you check in with yourself to refocus?  It took me ten months to figure out I was focused on what I could do for God instead of on God.  I thought I was giving Him a gift that He would use.  What I was reminded of is that God doesn't need me to do anything.  He does it, He brings the increase.   I planned to find Him, I looked for Him and He keeps showing up in wonderful ways.  That is what worked for my resolution.  I committed to a course of action to find my God and He found me instead.  No matter what your resolution was or will be you have got to check in with yourself to find what is and is not working and then change.  That's the point, isn't it?  Change?  Change course slightly, change your attitude about what that means, change your expectation of becoming.  I could insert a cliched line here but I won't.  If you take the time to think about your goals and ask yourself what is and isn't working, what you are really trying to achieve and are you stepping out of your rut, you'll find yourself in a much different space when you think about your resolutions.

You've got one more week to think about what's next.  For me, I have some changes on the horizon.  Not only am I launching my website http://www.jd-iana.com, I've got some changes coming to my blog.  Join me next week for the conclusion to our resolution smevolution.

Resolutions Redux

We are on the final downhill slope towards the end of the year.  I know it's a little early to be thinking about new years resolutions but it is just about the right time to think about this years resolutions.  We often joke about failing in our resolutions within the first month of making them.  Come January there will be many posts poking fun at the phenomena and giving helpful advice on how to make resolutions.  It seems silly to start thinking about resolutions after the fact doesn't it.  It's almost like we have gotten in the habit of thinking of them as a failure before we even begin.  I'm going to start talking about it now because I want to set myself, and hopefully you, up for success.  In the last three Friday's of 2018 I am going to do some self assessment with the hope that you will join me.  This isn't meant to shine a spotlight on failures.  It's meant to shine a light of truth.  So let's take a look back at what worked, what didn't and how to do better.

Maintaining a resolution has two major factors, in my opinion, that lead to successful ending your year with endurance.  And that's what resolutions take, endurance.

1. Setting reasonable goals
2. checking in and assessing how your doing periodically throughout the year

Setting reasonable goals starts with giving yourself enough prep time.  Thinking about what to resolve yourself too on Dec 31 isn't going to help you in the long term.  It takes time to think about what your life and what changes need, should or can be made.  Some resolutions take preparation and advanced warning.  Sometimes resolutions require accountability, medical intervention, meal planning or research.  Give yourself some time over the next few weeks to think about what you are going to resolve and all that that will entail.  Setting reasonable goals also means searching yourself for what you really want to change.  Being invested in the change, and therefor able to endure to the end, requires that it's real, not just a thing that sounds good because everyone's doing it. 

The second major factor in a successful resolution is the practice of assessment.  Not for the purpose of reminding yourself that you've failed, but so that you can see where you're at.  Assessments are designed for resetting, evaluation and restart.  Needing to readjust doesn't mean you've failed, it means you're responsibly managing your course.  Checking in periodically is holding yourself accountable, keeping your resolution in the forefront of your mind and part of the learning experience.

Since my goal this year was to write a blog every week, I'd say I'm doing pretty well.  I've only got a few weeks left to complete this resolution and I am well on track.  They haven't all been the best thing I've ever written, but they have been written.  I'd be on a much different path if I did everything perfectly.  I'm not saying I didn't want to strive for excellence but my priority was balance. I set a reasonable goal, managed expectations and didn't swing to any extremes to accomplish it.  I know that's a lot of productivity buzz words.  The result was a year of growth and learning.

Ultimately, you must ask yourself what the goal of a resolution is.  Resolutions are about enacting change.  For some, it's a response to lack.  Lack of happiness, direction or fulfillment.  For some, it's a response to excess.  For me, it's a call to growth.  To step outside of my comfort zone and embark on an adventure.  To break out of the ruts, routines and mundanities of life.  To seek the wonder and awe that God has surrounded us with.  A call to see life anew. 
 
While I was thinking about the near completion of my resolution, and how I sometimes get mired down in the familiar and mundane, it reminded me of Uncle Traveling Matt.  Do you remember him?  He was my favorite part of Fraggle Rock (yes, I'm old).  Traveling Matt was exploring "outer space" which was really him being baffled by the human world.  It is a delightful observation on how odd life can look from a different perspective.  

So as you think about what your new years resolution might be, I would encourage you to be sure it stretches you to look at your mundane and be amazed, to put the "awe" back into awesome and to redefine your normal.  It's not merely about changing your life.  It's about renewal and balance. 

I'm still thinking about what next years resolution will be.  Join me over the remaining weeks of 2018 as I explore that question.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject and if you would like to share your resolution, I'll be praying with you as we head into 2019.

The Fast is Over

For those of you that have been following along (Hi mom) I cut out technology six days a week and added in a noise fast for just over 40 days.  Why I decided to do this over NaNoWriMo I don't know.  I blame the fact that I didn't start it in November, it just lasted through November, so I forgot about national novel writing month until about a week before.  I've talked about why I entered into this fast but I thought I would share some of what I learned.

Fasting has been on the Christian radar for a while but the diet community has latched on to the idea as well, siting the benefits of intermittent fasting to give the body a break and reset your metabolism and supposedly give you more energy.

The principle has been a part of God's plan from the beginning.  During creation, God established a sabbath, when we would submit ourselves under God's sovereignty and rest.  Our minds and our bodies need these periods of rest. 

In a year where God has called me to rest, I was not terribly please to find God was asking me to give up more.  Resting is the worst, right!  I am so grateful my Patient Teacher hasn't given up.  We live in a world of indulgence.  Our culture is cluttered, over stimulated and impatient.  We don't even recognize how starved for silence we are.  Now that the fast is over I find myself longing for the simplicity of quiet time spent with my Savior.  Having the ability to distract myself doesn't mean that I should.  Having a long to do list doesn't mean I have to get them all done today.  Fasting reminds us that the priorities we have established aren't necessarily the right ones.  Taking a step back is a great way to reset. 

Reset your body, reset your mind.  What do you need a fast from?

Desire of my heart

At the beginning of this year I started on a journey of rest.  I'm not sure what I expected but I don't think that I could have expected that in the silence God would show me the true desires of my heart.  Nor could I have expected that the first one would be adventure.  In the midst of rest, to discover that my longing for adventure was given by God, has been a delight.  God wasn't done, as he never is in teaching us. and He recently revealed to me that the second big desire of my heart is to have purpose.  Why am I telling you this?  For most of my youth I was confused about what God meant by Psalm 34:7.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Okay, when I say youth...I mean my middle age too.  I longed for adventure and purpose and might have pegged those as desires but I would have classified them as selfish or worldly.  It wouldn't have occurred to me that they were given to me by God and that He was how they would be met and fulfilled.  I focused on the first part of the verse and figured if I delighted myself in the Lord I would never lack.  While that has been true, I'm seeing it in a different light today.  I feel like God has given me new desires to fill my heart.  Not new in the sense that I've never felt their pull before but new like a clean pair of clothes.  I have been trying to fill those big two desires in my life  without God.  It has soiled and worn down those desires as I sought to fill those longings in ways other than God.  I feel like God has unwrapped my favorite childhood toy that I had ruined and now it's all shiny and new.  I know it's a little early to be opening Christmas presents but ... 

He has given me desires and they are indeed fulfilled as I delight in Him.

Obligatory Gratitude Post, or is it?

This week was Thanksgiving.  Today is Black Friday.   Are you feelin it?  Man, I sure am.  After a month of spending lavish amounts of time with God and writing, my time was not my own this week and I am spent.  Sometimes, that happens.  Life gets busy.  I've had a month of practicing "Be Still" and "Don't Fret" and that is one of the many things I was grateful for this week.  I've got a long way to go.  But this week Isure was thankful for the practice. The practice of finding peace and calm amidst the most dramatic of adventures.  The practice of letting go of what I think is necessary in favor of what God says is necessary.  This week, that means my blog is going to be super short because that is the amount of time I had to spend.  I will save my eloquence, real or imagined, for those who have seen me at my most dramatic, who love me even when they are not impressed by my shenanigans and who laugh at and with me when I need it most. 


That's why I wanted to talk to you about Friendsgiving.  I have a group of friends that have been gathering after Thanksgiving for over a decade.  It started with the lament that our parents always did the heavy lifting on Thanksgiving and we could never be adults and practice making a Thanksgiving meal.  We decided that was a great idea and what else were we going to do with all those Thanksgiving left overs than to share them with the people we wanted to spend time with.  I suggested we make it a murder mystery dinner party and thus our decade long Friendsgiving adventures began.  Over the years we've had a traditional Charlie Brown meal (yes I mean toast and popcorn and all that other stuff) and full on Thanksgiving extravaganza's.  Some times we switch genders just for fun.  Yes, some of my guy friends make very ugly women.  The group has gotten bigger and smaller as life and circumstances change but every year we gather, dress in ridiculous costumes, suffer through truly terrible scripts and laugh until we cry.

In all of our changing circumstances, shapes and situations, we gather.  We gather with our family and we gather with our friends.  We acknowledge that our lives wouldn't be the same with out them.  We shun the world and it's stress fueled impatience in favor of a good meal with those we love.  We don't rush it.  We value it and savor it.  We celebrate having found those just weird enough to think our weird is awesome.

We are intentional about it every year.  We look forward to it, we brag about it, we share our joy and make room on our calendars no matter what.  I may go a little crazy creating costumes for me and my spouse, which is totally what I will be getting back to for my second all nighter in a row, but I couldn't be happier.

I hope your Thanksgiving was allergen free, devoid of flair ups, free from unwelcome drama and full of the peace of God that surpasses all understanding.  I also hope you are thinking more about who you haven't seen in a while than what stores are having sales.  I hope you'll give them a call, invite them to coffee or over for games.  If you're super cool like me and my friends, then consider inviting them over for a little mystery, a lot of laughter and plenty of hokey costumes. 

 But even if murder mystery dinner parties aren't your thing, find your own thing.  If you're into interpretive dance, do that!  If you're into shadow puppet historical reenactment, well that is just way better with a crowd, am I right!  Don't lose sight of what's important.  People over tasks!

These are my people and I love them.  I couldn't be more grateful they are in my life.








Just as a side note, these aren't all the photos, and they aren't in order by date.  It's just a smattering.  If you promise to invite some folks over, I'll share this years photo next week ;)

Intolerant

I'm going to start by sharing something very important....something as weird as I am.  Something extremely on topic.  Prepare yourself.

God uses every bit of our story.  I was thinking about that as I opened up my new box of pots and pans I had to buy because of my hubby's nickel allergy.  I was thinking about how so many of my people, my tribe, have allergies and insensitive to food.  I have a loved one who has struggled for years with symptoms that multiple doctors couldn't figure out and it was apparently as simple (I use that word ironically for those of us with allergies and unexplained symptoms) as cutting lactose out of her diet.  Gluten, dairy, nickel, nuts, onions, ginger, I have friends and family who all live in this awkward state of having to carefully pick what we can eat, where we can go and how pretentious we're going to sound when we get there.  I didn't seek out people of intolerance, but I am so proud to do life with them.  They work as hard to avoid our allergies as we do for theirs.  Part of the reason our friends work so hard to avoid their allergy foods is always individual and usually filled with people along the way that thought they just don't like the food they are avoiding and seem to think its a choice that can be trained out of us.  Sometimes the road to discovering what had been causing all those weird symptoms that the doctors couldn't figure out was a hard one.  We learn to live without those things but we miss them and every encounter that reintroduces those food items holds a vast array of consequences. 

As I was thinking about food intolerance God whispered something beautiful to me.  The care that my tribe puts into caring for our allergies is a very direct working out of 1 Corinthians 8:13 and Romans 14:19-21.

1 Corinthians 8:13
Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

Romans 14:19-21
Therefore let us not pass judgement on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble

My tribe adjusting our meals for community times of breaking bread (metaphorically speaking, I can't have bread) is an act of love.  We delight in serving each other in that way.  It isn't a burden that we resent, it is one we gladly share because we understand how difficult it is.  The same should be true of our intolerance, our fears and, our weaknesses in life.  They shouldn't be treated as an inconvenience that we must suffer through because someone else can't police themselves.  They should be loads that we share because we have intolerance, fears and weaknesses too and we should understand better than anyone. 

I SWEAR

This technology fast has been awesome and so very hard.  I have been learning a lot, wrestling a lot (metaphorically, not literally) and practicing stillness.  God keeps reaffirming that this is the path He wants me on right now even though He has brought multiple people to ask me to explain myself.  I have been asking Him specially when this fast will be over.  I didn't feel like He gave me a deadline at the beginning.  Have you ever done that?  Felt like God called you to do something and then agonized about how long you were going to have to maintain the commitment?  Because I've been asking God "how long, O Lord", He has answered with some very specific calls to keep my oath.  I swore.  I didn't stand under the firmament with my hands raised and declare in a loud voice "I swear before the Lord that I shall not touch technology except on Friday's and my phone because it is my landline but I further declare I shall not use it for any other purposes than to accept and receive messages."  I did make a commitment though.  I agreed with the Lord that I would do what He asked.

It's been even harder this week.  It's the beginning of November which means it's time for NANOWRIMO!!!!  If you don't know what NANOWRIMO is, it's a challenge to write 50,000 words in the month of November.  The goal being to work on a singular piece without going back to edit with the purpose of practicing the habit of writing on a story every day.  I can see you see the problem here.  How will it be possible for you to participate without technology.  For all you young'uns out there, I am using paper.  I am writing my 1700 words a day in a notebook and my plan is to transcribe them on Fridays.  It will take some of my computer time, writing in that much on one day a week, but I will be completing the challenge and staying true to my oath before the Lord.  

Needless to say, with the 'asking for an end of the technology fast', and the start of a challenge I have participated in since 2008, I was approaching the deadline of Nov 1st with a bit of sorrow.  I wasn't sure if I could participate.  That's why God has been answering my question by bringing me to instances of oaths in His Word.  So I thought I would share what God has been teaching me about why oaths are important.  In today's day and age we look at commitment differently.  People don't formally swear an oath to each other like they did in Biblical times.  We've lost sight of the gravitas of promising.  But God hasn't and doesn't forget.  He had very clear guild lines set up for those who swear before the Lord, those who break their oaths and the consequences, and even what it means under the new covenant of Jesus.  God thinks oaths are important even if it becomes inconvenient for us later.  

The Bible Study I'm in has us studying Joshua.   We got to chapter 9 as I was pondering this question of oaths and it was clear that God holds oaths as very important.  The Gibeonites lie to make a treaty with Israel and the leaders swear an oath that they won't kill them.  When the Jews figure out they have been lied too, they go and confront them but they don't kill them because they swore an oath.  How important to God was that promise?  Well, important enough that when Saul kills some Gibeonites, somewhere around 350 years later, God is mad.

There are rules in the law of the Septuagint, too many to put them all here, that outline everything from being a witness to an oath to inadvertently making an oath.

Lev 5:4
Or if a person swears, speaking thoughtlessly with his lips to do evil or to do good, whatever it is that a man may pronounce by an oath, and he is unaware of it - when he realizes it, then he shall be guilty in any of these matters.  

Numbers 30:2  
If a man make a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.

Why is this important, you ask?  Well, there is a lot that has changed between the old and new testament and a lot that has changed between the new testament and today.  Because that is true, we sometimes forget the real truth that God doesn't change.  EVER!  While Jesus fulfilled the law and paid the penalty for failing the law, He doesn't abolish the law.  What does Jesus say about oaths?

Mat 5:33-37
Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'you shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.' But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.  Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black.  But let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no,' no.'  For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

I feel like Jesus knew and knows what little stock we put into a promise.  Whether through intent, ignorance or common saying, we agree to do things to avoid the conflict of saying 'no', all the time.  Our High Priest knows us well and His best advise on how to deal with oaths....don't do it.  Don't swear at all.  If you can't grasp the importance of the oath or the significance of what you are swearing on, then don't bother.  God swears oaths, makes covenants, and carries them out.  His word is always sure.  I think that is definitely something I need to work on.

What Happens When I Rest

• A lot of inner monologue...A lot of inner monologue happens.
• God reminding me of important truths that He's already told me but I forgot or didn't do.
• Scripture memorization
• Bible Study
• and apparently, cleaning and organizing

When I'm busy, my house is the first thing that suffers.  

• mail piles up
• laundry piles up
• dishes pile up
• clutter consumes

Right now, I am a sweep away from being "company ready".  I've organized the office, linen closet and bedroom and will shortly hit the costume closet and craft room.  I'm excited to get home and vacuum!  My mother may be the only one to gasp at this statement so for the rest of you...I don't like cleaning, I like helping other people clean but cleaning my own house...ugh.

I know a huge chunk of that is because I left it til last, to when I was utterly spent but had no choice because there was nothing clean left or the clutter had made me so uptight and feeling trapped that I wanted to leave it all behind and live in a yurt somewhere far away.  

I wonder if I'm loving the cleaning because its something to do or if its because, as I move closer to my God in this time of rest, He is bringing me closer to the Prov 31 woman.  Either way, I am confronted with the fact once again that I was doing too much before.  I worked like I had three jobs and wondered why I wasn't being blessed for my generosity.  I was tired all the time and was constantly in emergency mode.  The funny thing is, I feel just as busy right now.  3 out of 5 evenings are filled with companionable obligations.  If I try and make plans with people, I still have to carefully navigate my schedule.  

So what does that mean.  It means my focus has shifted.  My days are silent.  I'm not distracting my brain with noise and so I can dedicate my time to what I'm doing.  My time with God is wholly His.  My time cleaning is spent working on my memory verses, praying or thinking about solutions.  I don't feel rushed or harried or obligated.  I get to choose.  I feel like for the first time in recent memory I am "choosing the better part" (Lk 10:38-42) and still being the "Martha" God made me to be.  I've given up the worry in exchange for listening to my Savior.

I'm still settling into it.  Still choosing the quiet, still practicing the stillness.  I'm not good at it .  The toughest verse for me to memorize literally starts "be still and wait patiently on the Lord" Ps 37:7-8  I have to sit and seriously concentrate to remember that first sentence.  I know I'm going to have to keep practicing because I will sink all in to service once again when I'm released from this season of rest if I'm not careful.  I want to choose this.  I want this to be my baseline.  This peace.  This quiet.

I'm going to share the verses I'm memorizing with you.  Keep me accountable or use these verses to inspire you to write God's word upon your heart.  Let's guard our hearts and minds with the transcendent peace of God.

Ps 19:14

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Humble yourselves, therefore, under Gods mighty hand, that He may life you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Ps 37:7-8

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil.

Jer 6:16

This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls but you said "we will not walk in it".

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again; rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.  If anything is excellent or praise worthy - think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.

Being Real vs Being a Doer

I'm going to start this weeks blog with an apology.  When I was writing this I was on day two of a full blown migraine.  I ended up sacrificing the rest of my "computer day" to sit in a dark room.  What it taught me was this.  Oaths are important.  The temptation to run to the computer to "make up" the time I missed was strong.  Instead, I chose to keep my word before the Lord.  What I commit to Him is important and He thinks it's important.  The scripture is clear about keeping our oaths, especially the ones you make to the Lord.  We sometimes fall into the trap of putting the old testament in a category of "not applicable".  For me, it was more important to let my yes be yes on this matter.  So I'm going to post a little late today, I'm going to leave the rest of the post in its original state, and I'm not going to worry about it.  It's not professional, but it is real. 

~

One of the great things about being on "A mission from God" is that He will keep encouraging and reinforcing the message He wants to communicate.  Just like He does in the Word.  If something is important, God keeps saying it.  Have you ever noticed that when you're reading scripture?

God has really been encouraging me about rest.  Sunday, we bumped into a couple God had on my mind all week.  I shared, and she shared, and she encouraged me.  "I was at the place this summer, cutting out social media and releasing, to just be.  Being present in the moment instead of trying to figure out what I can do."

At yoga a few days later, the focus was rest.  Laying down everything and only picking up what God gives you.  Songs, scripture, fellowship...all of it has been pulsing with the message, "Yes, Rest".

So I decided to go back to the Biblical reason why I focus on "do" and figure out what it really says.

James 1:22 NIV
Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.

 So, what has God told us to do?  In this context (James):

• Watch your tongue
• persevere
• be quick to listen, slow to anger 
• purge moral filth and evil from your life
• look intently into the perfect law
• love your neighbor

The funny thing is that the only part that comes even close to what I self defined as "do" was to care for orphans and widows in distress.  I condenses an entire book of the Bible into one word that threw my life out of balance.  This is part of the reason why it's important to keep reading the Word of God.  In the larger sense, there is a lot that the Word, or Scripture, tells us that we should be doing, not just nodding our heads at.  The above list is from one small book of the Bible and James (inspired by God) repeats them.  If you haven't read James lately, I recommend reading through it.  

Rest you Say?

This weeks blog is going to be...different.  If this is your first time here then you won't notice so ... sorry for when things go back to normal, I guess.  If you read last weeks blog, What is Rest, then you'll know that I am on a break, a sabbatical if you will.
 

I know, you're confused now.  How is there a blog?  Why has there been a post reminding me that this little slice of blogdom has been launched?  All good questions.  When I set off on this adventure last week I asked myself some questions and I had some questions asked of me.  Walking away from technology and noise can be interpreted as throwing the baby out with the bath water. So I wanted to do two things on the blog this week. 

1. I wanted to share the plan
2. I wanted to share what I did 

First, the plan

I do not plan on becoming a hermit.  I tend towards being a recluse as it is.  No, my goal was to be open for fellowship.  In my opinion, placing rules on a time of companionship is very counter productive and very hipster christian.  So, I didn't require others to go noise free to be around me or even mention to my friends and family that I was going on a technology and noise fast.  This isn't supposed to be about what I can do.  So I'm trying to stay very un-rigid.  I also decided to give myself one day of computer time and see how I did with that.  This was partly because I meet with a writing group one day a week and partially because I wanted to see if I could treat my time with technology in a healthy way.  It would force me to prioritize what I was going to do on my computer day.  So that was the plan.  In my time alone; no noise, no computer, no TV, no search engines.  I wanted to give myself a little boredom, a lot of quiet and the practice time I need to be still.  If the blog looks a little boring today and lacks the fanfare of social media posts to announce it....well, that's because I had to set some priorities.  I chose companionship over tasks and I practiced letting go of what I thought should be done.

Second, what I did

I wanted to spend a lot of time in God's word.  That's a given.  I started out working on my current studies but one of the questions really drew my attention to the question, what is rest?  What does God mean by rest?  Normally, we would assume it means you don't work but scripture also talks about allowing yourself to take care of what's needful during sabbath (ie rescue your donkey).  So what is rest?  That question led me on an old fashioned word search thanks to the back of my Bible and not any fancy website or search engine.  I didn't even ask *insert random gender non-specific robot voiced assistant*.  So, I thought I would share where that led me and what I learned.
The verses that started it all were Psalm 37: 7-11, 34.

        Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!  Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!  Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.  For the evil doers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the Land.  In just a little while, the wicked will be no more; though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.  But the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace.  Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when he wicked are cut off.

Be still, wait patiently, don't fret or be angry, hope in the Lord, keep His ways.  From here on, I'm going to give you the scripture reference and what I learned.  Like I said, I'm prioritizing my time.  Please look up the verses, or do your own word study on rest.  I think you'll be surprised.

• Ex 3:12-18  Rest is holy, consecrated, celebrated, a covenant, abstaining from work, a sign
• Ex 33:14  Rest is given my God, something God gives
• Josh 14:15  Rest is the cessation of conflict
• Josh 21:44  Rest is peace
• Ps 33  Rest is hope & faith in our great God, rejoicing
• Ps 62:1-2, 5  Rest is only found in God, or security and our hope
• Ps 90:17  Rest is settled upon us, seeped in, draped over, soaked in
• Ps 91  Rest is a place of refuge
• Is 30:15  Rest is quietness and trust, repentance and a guiltless mind
• Is 32:17-18  Rest is confidence, security, peace and being undisturbed
• Jer 6:16  Rest is asked for and comes from walking in God's way  

        This one I am going to write out because I want to memorize it myself.

    This is what the Lord says:  Stand at the crossroads and look;  ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will     find rest for your souls.  But you said "We will not walk in it."

• Mt 11:28  Rest is a release from burden
• 2 Cor 12:9-10  Rest is weakness, laid down in humility, for the sake of glorifying God's strength
• Heb 4:9  Rest is belief; utter, absolute belief
• Heb 4:10  Rest is ceasing from work or industry
• Rev 14:13  Rest is ceasing from your labors

This is a much richer, broader, and deeper definition of rest.  This is something I can practice.

What is Rest

I am finally going on a real adventure.  If you've been keeping up with my blog, this will sound very strange to you.  I've traveled a lot this year.  I have had tons of new and exciting things happen.  It all started when God gave me a glimpse into what He has for my future.  This doesn't happen to me very often.  God doesn't usually give me a heads up.  I know it's because I am firmly in the "Martha" camp.  When God gives me a nudge, I go into extreme prep mode.  I am so excited to have a plan to follow that I often forget my best resource and guide.  I suspect that is why, after giving me a glimpse into what He has planned, God asked me to rest.  I've talked about it on the blog, so I won't go over it again but I have been struggling this year with the question "What is rest?"  

It's been clear that God is convicting me about my definition of rest.  I fully confess that my definition of rest is "the chance to catch up".  Vacations, weekends away, I think of them as places to hide so I can finish the backlog of tasks that have built up because I couldn't say no to people.  I fear becoming lazy, or resting wrong, more than I have feared the Lord.  Over the last couple of weeks I have been having random encounters with Godly people in my life, and in my Bible study, that have brought this problem up.  

So I'm walking away.  I'm walking away from the need to fulfill any need I come across.  I'm walking away from technology.  I'm walking away from the list of things I have moved too far up on my priority list.  I am walking away from noise.  I have fasted from noise before, you can read about that here, and I expect it is going to be terribly hard.  Giving up the things I have attached my purpose and significance to is going to be hard.  That's the reason why I'm giving up all the things I distract myself with so I haven't had to address these things.  That's the reason why I have to give up these things so I can actually hear my God.

So, I am truly going on an adventure.  A quest into the deepest, darkest wilds.  I am going to leave the beaten path, the familiar trails of my life, and stop trying to make adventure happen.  I am going to dive into aloneness with intention.  To sit in the stillness.  It's going to be full of frustration, tears and sorrow but this adventure is going to teach me how to exchange those things for joy, contentment and the ability to recognize treasures of greater worth.  

Has the Lord been convicting you of something lately?  Is He asking you to do something you don't want to do?  I get it.  Let's do this together.  

Monument vs Standing Stone

Many of us look back at our lives and can pick out the bad decisions, big and small, that have become monuments to our failures. Sometimes we make the monuments so big we can't move past them.  Sometimes we miss the point of the monument altogether.  

One of my big failures was college. I knew what school I was supposed to go to since my freshman year of high school.  My mother will tell you she hated the school I chose because it was so far away.  By the time I graduated high school and headed off, I had no other direction.  I was sure that was where God wanted me to go.  I went for about a semester before I failed out and had to be shipped back to my parents in shame. There were a whole lot of bad decisions during that time but one of them has come to my mind lately because God has made me aware of the fact that I'm doing it again. I decided to go to college to become a nurse. Was I keen about caring for people, good at math and science, and excited about the field of medicine? NOPE! I didn't like most of those things, and I was not good at them. Why did I choose to pursue nursing. Because I wanted to be a medical missionary. I wanted to be ready and willing to go wherever God wanted me to go. The period of failure that followed left me angry and confused. How could God abandon me like that? I was doing all this for Him! I had to come to grips with the fact that God never intended for me to be a missionary to foreign lands, much less a medical one. I looked at the desires of my heart and misinterpreted how it would look and made the very large mistake of thinking that's what God wanted me to do. 

So often we hold onto the verses that tell us God will give us the desires of our hearts, and that's true, but we fail to remember the other parts of those verses and chapters.  We have to ground ourselves in the Lord first.  To delight in Him, then He will bring about giving us the opportunities to fulfill the desires He designed us with.  Not only that, but God is going to bring things about how He wants, no matter what we have planned.  No matter what or how we thought it would happen.  

My mother told me today that she never understood why I went to college to pursue something I hated. I was momentarily stunned as I said to myself "I was pursuing what I thought God wanted me to do" and I realized I can remember three distinct times when I have said that. College, adoption, and writing. Three major turning points. I don't know if I was supposed to go to college but I can tell you I met my lifelong best friend there. Her family practically adopted me and when my hubby was desperate for a job and we had to leave our state and our families, God provided one 30 minutes from her. I don't know if I was supposed to fail and give up college but I can tell you that I found my husband and my talent when I got home. I have no idea if I was supposed to pursue adoption but I know God has a plan. 

Major milestones have been marked by this pattern. Get a nudge from the Lord, create a picture of how I think that will look, and then go to the extreme to fulfill it.  The beautiful part of a God who is always teaching and growing us into who He designed us to be is the fact that He knows us, knows what we need to learn and keeps giving us refresher courses. As I stand on the precipice of pursuing "What I think God wants me to do" I'm grateful for the reminder today that I need to make sure I'm not more focus on what I can do for the Lord.  

All the hesitation, doubt and caveats I have being battling this year were because I was trying to do more than what God wanted me to do when I knew that what God wanted was for me to spend time with Him. He specifically asked me to "do" nothing. To rest. I've been fighting that hard. I don't want to be lazy. I want to be preparing. I don't want to be rushing to the deadline because I didn't give myself adequate prep time. So the little hint, the gift of a redemptive work for the future, I turned into a mission statement for life. I took that one thing and turned it into a college prep course full of requirements, standards of success and work. The whole time moaning like a toddler about when rest time was going to be over already. I know what God has given me. I know that what He is asking of me right now is not a spiritual workout regimen to prepare for the race. He is asking me to spend time with the source of my fuel. 


Life gives us plenty of chances for self reflection if we want them. I am going to use this moment to turn the monument I was building to failure into a standing stone of remembrance. To remind myself that I tend to focus on what I can "do" for God instead of spending time with Him. To remind myself to strip away my expectations of what I think comes next and let God teach me at the pace He intends. To remind myself that my future is in God's loving hands and it will be for my good, one way or another. I  choose to turn those monuments to my failure into standing stones of remembrance of what the Lord has done.

Spiritual Thrill Seeking

Living your adventurous life everyday is hard. If you're anything like me, you want to keep things fresh and in the present so you don't lose the important in the mundane.  Since the focus of my year has been adventure, I've been seeking external experiences to go along with the internal adventure that's happening.  Some friends have questioned this trend because it has brought on some physical reminders of the health challenges I face.  They used the term "spiritual thrill seeking".  I have to admit that I smile a little as I picture myself doing Biblical Parkour.  I love that I have friends and family that don't shy away from keeping me accountable.  Criticism, constructive or otherwise, is a great opportunity to consider the issue before the Lord and determine if you're confident or convicted.  

For me, I haven't felt convicted, I've felt warned.  My quest for adventure is truly a manifestation of the adventure that is happening spiritually.  It is, however, important to consider: how do you know how far is too far?  Can seeking God turn into thrill seeking?  Is it possible to lose sight of God in the midst of an adventure with Him?  I think we all would have to admit that the answer is yes.  Anything, absolutely anything, can become an idol because an idol is anything that takes our focus off of God.    

I don't want you to get the mistaken impression that adventure means hiking up mountains, surfing on an extreme wave or slaloming down a double black diamond.  Thrill seeking is being eager to take part in exciting activities that involve physical risk.  So, lets tweak that definition to being eager to take part in exciting activities that involve spiritual risk.  Spiritual thrill seeking isn't an extreme sport but it is an extreme.

So let's look at some warning signs that your adventure has become more focused on your experience than it is on God.

Warning sign #1

Trying to recreate a spiritual experience based on someone else's experience.  

I have to admit that when I was *cough* slightly younger than I am now I wondered why the great spiritual experiences I was hearing other women have weren't happening to me.  Some had dreams, some spoke in tongues, some heard from the Lord, the list goes on.  I assumed I wasn't spiritual enough or wasn't mature enough.      Any time we shift our eyes away from the One we have a relationship with to someone else's relationship, we are entering dangerous waters.  We think if we can just do the right things, we'll have the spiritual experiences we've heard other people have.  Here is what is important to remember when you catch yourself doing that.  Your relationship with God isn't about producing the right experiences to show off to others.  Your relationship with God is, wait for it, your relationship with God.  

Warning sign #2

Trying to recreate the circumstances of a previous spiritual experience.

If you have had an undeniable encounter with God or a time of closeness that was a balm to your soul, it's hard to sit comfortably in those times when God is silent.  I know I have wondered in the past if those times of silence were a punishment, if I had fallen away from my Savior, and so I frantically try and go back to what "worked" before.  I utterly spent myself in volunteering, giving, trying to be more selfless, and found the silence more condemning than ever.  I have stopped trying to fix the silence.  Trying to recreate a spiritual experience never works because, surprisingly, God is not a pet we can train to do tricks on command.  I have learned over the years that the times of silence are just as necessary to my spiritual growth as those times when God feels so very present.  Those moments of silence teach us about our deep need for Him and force us to stretch farther and go deeper to seek Him and abide.

Warning sign #3

Trying to shape your spiritual experience

We often get an idea in our head about what a  "spiritual person" looks like.    I know for me it is an idealized picture of beauty, peace, cleanliness and solitude followed by smiling kindness, wisdom, intelligence and selflessness.  What does your ideal "spiritual person" look like?  Now ask yourself, are you chasing after an ideal or are you chasing after God?  

This picture I have in my head accuses me of how far I am falling short.  It pushes me to "accomplish" a spiritual life like I can achieve it with the right combination of to-do lists and discipline.  It drives me to seek out ways to fix what's wrong with me.  Here's the thing.  God is working on us at exactly the right pace, at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way.  He doesn't have a picture of an ideal spiritual person He's trying to accomplish. He has a picture of YOU perfected by Him.     


1 Corinthians 9:24-25 ESV

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize?  So run that you may obtain it.  Every athlete exercises self-control in all things.  They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.

Spiritual thrill seeking is dangerous because it shifts the focus of why.  Why are you in the race.  It changes what you see as the prize at the end.  Why you run the race will make all the difference in what you are pursuing and how you go about it.  Is it the acclaim?  The fame and notoriety?  Is it the reward?  Is it the emotional or physical high?  Or is it running full out to jump into the arms of a heavenly Father who is waiting with arms outstretched to hold us?  

So what are you running toward?   

Self Discovery on an Adventure: The Bad Stuff

I don't think I've made it clear to everyone that I recently got the chance to go on an adventure in Great Britain.  My group had been planning for about a year and we thought we were pretty well prepared (You can check out the previous installments here first and here second to see how that went). Travel is great because it's full of new experiences, sights and adventures.  It can also be full of exhaustion, confusion and short tempers.  In my pursuit of an adventure to find God in my everyday I discovered some things about myself in the testing ground that the trip became that I was pretty ashamed of.  So what do you do when you discover unpleasant things about yourself when you're supposed to be having an adventure?

My hubby and I went to Great Britain back in our second year of marriage with a friend.  It was an amazing opportunity and I really enjoyed myself.  We had a great time.  Here's the thing, our travel companion thought I had the worst time ever.  Why?  I was overweight and generally unhappy.  It was my normal at the time.  I was getting used to having a chronic illness and getting used to being a wife. 

Complaint was a normal part of my language.  I have since been called out for complaining which made me aware of what I thought was "sharing" and was really the symptom of a heart problem.  That first time to Great Britain was full of great memories but it was a great lesson afterward as I got feedback from my friend.  It made me aware of the attitudes I wear.  

This latest adventure to Great Britain was like a mirror of the first time.  I watched as my travel companion struggled and a completely unexpected thing happened.  I was impatient.  I am appalled to admit it.  Even now I feel ashamed of myself.  My previous esperience should have prompted me to greater understanding and compassion.  Instead, I kept trying to make things better with more planning, adjustments to the schedule, and trying to interact less with my companions.  The truth is, how I do things isn't how my companions did things.  While this led to further frustration, it didn't have too.  Once misunderstanding took root, every word seemed to have the potential to be hurtful.  I tried to fix it by talking less which ended up coming across as passive aggressive and sulky.  I hate those words.  They are ugly words and I hate imagining myself wearing them.

People wear all kinds of weird stuff when they go on vacation.  Stuff they would never wear at home.  Plaid beanies, Hawaiian shirts, lederhosen.  It seems we also wear our dirty laundry.  The secret things we say in the privacy of our minds that we dismiss at home because we can easily brush them aside.  In our safe places, in our familiar, we indulge in them like pieces of chocolate because we can be alone.  We don't have to constantly be on our best behavior.  On a trip, or outside our comfort zones, or during times of exhaustion and pain, there is no where to hide.  Those things we think in the privacy of our mind become an internal snide commentary that makes its way onto our face and out of our mouths.  

During the course of any adventure it is always wise to be aware of tensions and to ask yourself: 

1. Is my behavior adding to or subtracting from the experience we are having?
2. What lingering dark place in your heart came out of your mouth in a moment of weakness?
3. What am I going to do about it?

For Biblical and practical reasons the first thing you need to do about it is confess it to God and then go and apologize to your companions.  Getting it resolved gives everyone the best chance to reset and get on with having a great time.  Once that is done, I find it very useful to write it down and talk to God about it in detail.  While the immediate weakness of exhaustion and stress will go away, the underlying issue that it exposed is something you want to bring to the Light.

   

Discovering unpleasant things about yourself on an adventure gives you the gift of insight.  The opportunity to bring those things before the Lord, confess them, and ask Him to weed them out of your thought closet (to borrow a turn of phrase from Jennifer Rothschild).  It's hard, and it's ugly, but I can't think of a better memento to bring back from any vacation.

I hope my travel companions will look back on this adventure and forget the tensions, spats, pain and frustrations.  I hope they will remember the adventure for the exciting and new experience it was.  Either way, I know I'm praising God for using the adventure to teach me more about Him and who He wants me to be.